


When the Darkness Fades to Light

by TicklyFandoms



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Fight for Freedom, Friendship, High School, LGBT, M/M, multi relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-01 05:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 85,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6502180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TicklyFandoms/pseuds/TicklyFandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two completely different boys, raised in two completely different households and one school. Alex is chained by his parent's need to bring religion into his life. Matt is a free bird in a home where a single mother raised him. The two boys meet, and Matt slips through Alex's defenses with just one look. This is about a boy who was raised that being gay was wrong, even though he was gay himself. And a boy who is free about what he identifies as helping the other. This story is about Alex and Matt and how they fight for who they love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rain hits the car relentlessly. It patters against the roof and rolls down the fogged windows in rivulets like tears. Alex keeps his forehead pressed against the glass. He watches absently as his gusts of breath steam up the freezing window and then disappear, steam up and disappear, over and over again. His hands rest limply in his lap. There is an ear bud shoved into his right ear, but he’s not really listening. He thinks the music may of stopped, but it’s hard to tell with all the noise. His eyes flutter close and then begrudgingly open again, watching listlessly as the cold, wet Earth blurs as they pass it by and leave it all behind. It feels like it’s freezing in the car. It gets colder and colder the further north they go. Goosebumps pimple on his pale arms, and he crosses them loosely over his chest.

“This sucks,” his older sister says again. It’s the same phrase she has repeated over and over for the last three hundred miles, like saying it just one more time would change their minds and turn around. Alex doesn’t turn his head to look at her. Her presence next to him feels almost like a stranger’s. He wonders when that happened. “I don’t want to move.”

“I know sweetie,” his mom says from the passenger seat. The voice she reserves for his sister is indulgent and sugary sweet. “None of us do, but it cant be helped. Your father has to go where the company sends him. And we’ll be closer to your big brothers. You’ll make new friends, baby.”

“I want my friends!” Amanda whines, and Alex grits his teeth against the sound.  
“We all made sacrifices, dear,” their father says in a bored, placating drawl. “You don’t see Alex complaining, do you?”

Alex tenses and squeezes his eyes shut. It’s always the same reaction every time attention is focused on him. If he doesn’t acknowledge it, it’ll go away.

"That’s because Alex doesn’t have any friends to leave behind,” Amanda says coldly, and Alex lets out a deep breath. No one moves to correct her. They’d be lying if they did.

“This is all a part of HIS plan,” Diana says, sounding so sure of herself. Of him; of this omnipresent being that is more important than anyone. More important then family. “There is good things that will come to you if you have faith. You’ll see.” 

Alex stares at the back of his mother’s head; at her perfectly styled hair that she spent an hour on even though all they’re going to be doing is sitting in the car all day. His eyes shift back to the scenery, the wet, black asphalt and the rolling brown fields. He watches as the Earth changes, reshapes, and forms anew. Gone are the wide, flat lands of New York. They have been replaced with the rolling hills of California. His new home. It doesn’t matter where he lives; things will never change. He’ll still have to wake up every day and pretend. Hide, be the perfect younger child in a perfect, God-fearing family. 

Alex’s eyes slipped shut as his head tips back against the seat. The car rolls smoothly down yet another freeway. They’re never ending, connecting and intersecting like veins. Alex has seen enough asphault to last him a life time. His breathing evens out and he soon drifts into an light, uneasy slumber. Carrying all of his weight is exhausting.  
************************************************************************  
There is a house in a small town in northern California, full of energy and warmth. The blaring sound of a catchy pop song blasts from the speakers inside, loud and rhythmic. Rain hits the window in an unrelenting pitter patter that can only be seen, not heard. There’s too much life crammed into the tiny house to hear the sad, quiet sound of the rain. There’s too much laughter.

Matt sits on the counter in his cramped little kitchen, bare feet thump thumping against the cabinet door in an uneven rhythm that doesn’t even come close to matching the music. There’s flour on his cheek and smeared across his shirt in deformed hand-prints, and he’s pretty sure there’s egg in his hair. 

“Chance!” Matt calls out, pointing a wooden spoon menacingly at his best friend. “We cant keep making cookies if you keep eating all the stupid cookie dough! Stop it!”

Chance looks over at Matt with an arched eyebrows as he licks the sugar dough from his lips. He looks from the spoon to Matt’s face, raising one finger in the air, and moving it towards the bowl slowly.

“Don’t do it!” Matt warns, and Chance laughs.

“What are you going to do Matt?” Chance asks. “Hit me with it?” He turns around, and moons Matt. “Go ahead!”  
Matt puts his foot on Chance’s ass and kicks. The action sends Chance sprawling to the floor to land in a crumpled pile under the sink. 

“Hurt enough?” Matt asks innocently, and he smirks when Nate gives him a high five, Mazi and Nicki pepper Chance with rainbow sprinkles, getting the confection through his hair, as he pulls himself off the floor.

“And you call yourself my friend,” Chance admonishes, shaking his head like a wet dog, and sending sprinkles flying in every direction. Mazi laughs and holds her and to her face to protect herself from the candy attack. “We have approximately twenty'seven thousand cookies made, and I get grievously injured when I try to steal some dough!?”

“You can have cookies at the meeting tomorrow,” Matt tells him, hopping off the counter when the oven timer dings to signal that another batch of cookies are done. 

He generally lets the girls or his mom do the baking. Since he tends to disinigrate appliances when he gets near them. But take them out of the over? He can probably accomplish that much.

“I don’t want cookies!” Chance whines, looking like he’s about to stomp his foot like a toddler. “I want the dough!”

“Just let the baby eat the dough!” Nick says as Matt pulls his mom’s oven mitts and takes the last tray out of the oven to cool. “We have enough.”

“Listen to the pretty girl!” Chance calls out, kissing Nicki’s cheek before snatching the bowl, and hopping onto the counter.

“Hey now,” Mazi warns, slinging her arm around her girlfriend’s waist, and pulling her close. Nicki cuddles into her, and kisses Mazi’s cheek softly. Matt watches them fondly, and leans back against the counter. Nate wraps his arm around Matt’s shoulders, and leans into him slightly.

“Man, great job on that petition,” Nate tell him, and Matt turns to face him. “I hear they aren’t going to cut the budget for the drama department now.”

“Yeah,” Matt responds, feeling a rush of pride rushing though his chest. He helped people. “I’m glad, you guys need your drama class.”

“That we do,” Nate replies, bright amber eyes going serious. “But when are you going to go after something that’s just for you?”

Matt’s smile dimmed a little, and he looks over at Mazi and Nicki, so in love it hurts to watch them sometimes. He wonders what having that sort of bond would feel like, what it would be like to hand over your heart like that. Sign here, no questions asked.

“I don’t know,” Matt responds, lips quirking up again as he shrugs. “When I find something I want.”

Nate just smiles and presses a quick, friendly kiss to Matt’s temple before hopping off the counter, and snatching some dough from Chance. They tussle around over the nearly clean bowl until Nate finally uses his impressive flexibility to get Chance into a leg lock. Matt runs his fingers through his hair, and tries not to think about how he feels like he’s missing something. He watches his best friends, listens to them laughing, and decides for now, that it’s enough. For now. He cant go searching for something if he doesn’t even know what it is he’s looking for.  
************************************************************************

Alex gets unceremoniously dropped off in the front of his new high school minutes before the first bell. His mother has just finished scolding him for taking too long to get ready. Alex was downstairs fifteen minutes before they left, dressed and ready to go while his mother watched the news. He doesn’t bother try to correct her, so he steps out of the car, and she pulls away from the curb as soon as the door is shut, leaving him alone. 

He stands frozen on the sidewalk and stares at the campus with wide eyes. Whereareas his previous high school was one giant building, cold and institutionalized; this one is different. It’s extensive and sprawling like a college campus, one school made up of a ton of smaller buildings with open, airy walkways that let the sun shine on your face for a much needed break, while running to your next class. He’s never changed schools before. 

In his old town, everyone knew him. More specifically, they knew he didn’t like to be bothered. He was invisible there, and he prefered it that way. Now he can feel countless pairs of eyes appraising him and he feels exposed, like a bright light against a black sky. He ducks his head as he walks through the crowd. He can feel their gazes heavy on his shoulders, each set of eyes weighing him down until it feels like he’s struggling through quicksand. He can feel his cheeks flush, blood rushing between his ears as his heartbeat pounds a steady rhythm in his chest. 

The bell rings, and he is forgotten. Students scatter like they’re roaches and the bell is the light, sending them disappearing into classrooms while he stays glued to the concrete. Silence falls over the hall, and Alex finally looks up to find that he’s alone. His eyes trail along rows and rows of dark blue lockers, sitting in the shade of an overhand, over brightly colored flyers and handcrafted posters. It’s a whole new world. Alex swallows hard, and cover his eyes with his hand, as he takes a deep breath. It’s like a mask he wore at home doesn’t fit here, and he has to learn how to hide himself all over again.

He takes a moment to roll his shoulders back and lift his chin, relying on years if practice to smooth out his distressed expression, flatten the cease in his brows, and let a cool indifference wash over his bright green eyes. Once he’s calm on the outside, terrified on the inside, he steps into the office and places his paperwork on the desk. He looks right into the friendly, warm gaze of the receptionist and introduces himself with a polite smile. She asks him how he is and he tells her that he’s excited to be here, that he cant wait to start. Alex is an exceptional liar.  
************************************************************************

Lunch time was always Matt’s favorite time of the school day. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy learning, he does, but he loves getting the chance to catch up with everyone. He likes knowing how people did on their tests they were stressed over, and how their projects are coming. He enjoys hearing what sort of jobs people are applying for, what colleges they’re hoping to get into. He takes pleasure in knowing if there is anything he could do to help. Matt knows nearly every single person at his school by name, and everyone seems to know him. It’s not a popularity thing, Matt is just genuinely friendly. He really likes talking to people, helping them, and his fellow students just seem to gravitate towards him, 

Matt risks a glance at his cellphone and his eyes widen when he realizes there is only about fifteen minutes left of lunch. He stops making fun of Nicki’s pompoms and stands up, climbing onto the table and standing on either side of his lunch tray. 

“Hey everyone! Listen up!” He shouts, hands cupped over his mouth. Chance, Mazi, Nicki, and Nate all pound their fists on the table and the noise level in the cafeteria drops. Most people are used to Matt’s unorthodox announcements by now. “I just wanted to make an announcement!” He continues, booming voice reverberating off of the walls. “Due to you guys continually being awesome, the GSA has offically outgrown Mrs. Seaford’s classroom. We have nearly tripled our already impressive size since the beginning of the year and that is seriously incredible people!"He had to pause when people started clapping, and it made him grin. "I just wanted to let everyone know that we will be meeting Tuesday after school, but from now on we’ll be in the lecture hall over in the Tech building. Today’s meeting is gonna be a good one, so bring a friend. We made cookies, and that’s something you shouldn’t miss out on!”

“Hell yeah!” Chance shouts, throwing his fists in the air. Nate rolls his eyes, while Maze and Nicki laugh.

“So, we’ll see everyone at there…” Matt trails off when his eyes land on a boy across the cafeteria. His face isn’t familiar in anyway, and this face isn’t one he’d forget soon. 

The boy is staring at him with wide eyes, mouth slack like he just couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Matt knows the feeling. Intimately. He has a crumpled schedule in his right hand, and Matt knows that this is the new boy he’s heard of. The cute, and quiet one. When a new student arrives, Matt usually likes to introduce himself, offer his assistance, or a friendly ear. This boy goes beyond that. The desire to be face to face with him is amazingly strong. It’s like he needs him to be a part of his life, like he might be the answer to problems Matt didn’t even know he had. Like he’s the something Matt has been missing. 

In his hurry to get off the table, Matt steps on his untied rainbow shoelaces, and slips, grappling with nothing but air as he falls. His ass hits the edge of the table on the way down, and his tray of food flips over, landing on top of him when he hits the floor. People start laughing, but not really at him. Matt has been a spastic klutz since kindergarten. By now it’s sort of a routine. He just gets up and wipes the gravy off of his face with a napkin, blushing only slightly as he makes his way through the crowded cafeteria. The boy is still staring, and Matt is close enough now to see how his startlingly green eyes widen as he approaches.

“Hi,” Matt says breathlessly once he comes to a stop in front of him. “I’m Matthew Johnson.” The boy freezes, eyes darting around the room before he clears his throat. He takes a deep breath like he’s steeling himself and meet’s Matt’s gaze.

“Um,” he says, eyes flickering up towards Matt’s hairline. A glob of mashed potatoes rolls down Matt’s forehead, and sticks to his eyebrows. Matt brushes it away, and smiles sweetly. “Alexander Novak.”

Alex’s mouth turns up into the tiniest smiles, and Matt wishes with a fierce intensity that he would grin. He would bet money that Alex’s smile could light up a room, hell, an entire city block. But Alex’s eyes are incredibly sad and all Matt wants to do is make him laugh. He’s nearly overwhelmed by a sudden rush of emotion, the subtle swoop in his stomach when Alex looks him in the eye. There is a slight blush on Alex’s cheeks, and it’s the most adorable thing Matt had ever seen. 

“You’re covered in gravy,” Alex says shyly, and Matt blinks.

“Huh?” Matt asks. He’s distracted by Alex’s voice. It’s soft, and honey-thick, words dripping off his tongue in a sort of fast tone.

“Gravy,” Alex repeats, gesturing to his torso. “All over your shirt.”

“Oh!” Matt says, looking down to see gathering gravy from his school issued meatloaf clinging to his clothes. “I have another one in my locker, come with me?”

Alex stiffens for a moment, looking around rapidly, before licking his lips, and nodding. He slides his hands into his packets, and turned to walk with Matt out of the cafeteria. The walkway is nearly empty and they are silent except for their footsteps echoing off of the cement. Alex seems quiet by nature, but Matt is just trying to think of something to say. He’s never wanted anyone to like him so badly before. He’s never really had to work for it.

“So, how’s your first day going?” Matt asks when they stopped at his locker. He tries to focus on the lock, and Alex’s face at the same time. Alex looks startled every time Matt looks at him or talks to him, like he’s confused and unsure of what to do with the sudden attention.

“It’s alright I guess,” Alex says awkwardly, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. "It’s a little weird starting a new school halfway through senior year. Everyone already has their friends, and they aren’t interested in making new ones. But that’s okay, really.“

"I’d love to be your friend,” Matt says honestly as he pulls a neon green tee shirt from his locker. Alex looks at him for a long time, eyes shattered and cautious before he finally smile tentatively. It’s small, but Matt knows he can make it brighter if given the chance. 

“Maybe,” Alex responds, blinking and furrowing his brow like he’s surprised by his own answer. “I mean, sure?”  
Matt grins and pulls his ruined shirt over his head right there in the middle of the hallway, crumpling it up and shoving it into his locker while hoping his mom can get out the gravy stains. Alex’s eyes land on Matt’s exposed chest and stomach for a moment before he swallows nervously and looks away. Matt pulls on the new shirt, and feels warm all over.

“So you’re coming this afternoon, right?” Matt asks, pulling a pack of strawberry gum from his back pocket. He pulls a stick out with his teeth, and offers the pack to Alex. He nods politely, and takes a piece.

“To where?” Alex asks, popping the gum into his mouth, and looking around again. The boy has to be carrying so much tension than any person Matt has ever met. He can feel it coming off of Alex in waves, can nearly see the bunching of his shoulders, and the stiffness of his neck.

“To the GSA meeting,” Matt replies easily. “I’m the president. It’ll be a good way to meet people like us, and like I said, there will be cookies.”Alex’s jaw falls open to reveal the pink gum against perfect white teeth. All the blood rushes from his face, leaving him pale as a ghost. He shakes his head, and Matt tilts his head to the side, confused.

“What do you mean, ‘people like us’?” Alex asks tightly, taking a step back. His eyes widen a little, and he hold his hands up like he’s surrendering. “I’m not, I mean, I’m straight Matt. I don’t even, why would you think, I’m not?”

Matt furrows his brow and looks Alex up and down. Aside from his exceptionally pretty face, Alex looks perfectly nondescript. He is wearing a soft looking red cotton shirt, and comfy looking black sweats. His hair is spiked up with minimal gel, and there is a light scar on his wrist. There is nothing about him that screams homo, but Matt’s gaydar has never failed him.

“Oh,” Matt says flatly. He remains unconvinced. “I’ve never been wrong before.”

“Well, sorry to break your record,” Alex says, sounding almost panicked as his eyes dart around the nearly empty hall, like he;s afraid someone will overhear them. “But you’re wrong about me.”

Matt knows the look in Alex’s eyes. He saw it in their varsity quarter-back’s when he cornered Matt in the parking lot after school and confessed that footballs aren’t the only thing he’s interested in catching. It was evident in the eyes of their ASB vice president when she told him outside their Chemistry class that her parents would kill her if they ever found out. He’s seen it in the eyes of too many GSA members fidgeting in their seats during meeting like someone is going to burst in and find them. It’s the look of someone terrified of everybody finding out who they really are.

There are plenty of people in this school keeping secrets, desperate for someone to trust. Matt strives to be that person. He lets them all unload on him, dumping their worries and anxieties and life altering secrets on him until he likes his back is going to break from the weight of it all. Matt just looks at Alex for a long moment, watches his perfect teeth make an indent in his fleshy lower lip. Matt knows how lucky he was to have such an understanding family, just as much as he knows that some kids will never have such a blessing. It hurts him to know how many teenagers out there are struggling with who they are. He looks into Alex’s eyes, and knows he just found a prime example.

“That’s a shame.” Matt says, aiming for casual, but he gets the feeling the look in his eyes are too intense. He pitches his voice low and flirty and tries to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. “Because you’re absolutely gorgeous.”

That seems to catch Alex by surprise because his eyes snap back to Matt’s like a magnetic pull. He takes great delight in the way Alex flushes, a stunning pink color slipping from his hairline and running down underneath the collar of his faded red tee. He looks ready to bolt, like he wants to flee, but his head and heart are at war, and his feet are prisoners of the battle, unable to move. Alex doesn’t say anything, just looks at Matt with these sad, helpless eyes that break Matt’s heart. He wants to bundle Alex up, and protect him from all the hatred in the world. But he cant. Not until Alex lets him.

So instead, Matt leans in his locker again, and pops open one of the rubber tub of cookies stacked there. He pulls one out, and hands it over. Alex takes it, eyeing the rainbow colored sprinkles dubiously before looking back up at Matt. The bell rings, and Matt grabs his backpack off the hook. He gives Alex his warmest, widest smile, one he hopes tells Alex that he is someone he can trust, someone that he can be himself with. No matter whom that person may be.

“I’ll see you around Alex,” Matt says casually, but with a hint of promise. Alex opens his mouth, like he’s going to say something, but then shuts it, glancing at the cookie, before meeting Matt’s eyes again. 

The conflict in them makes Matt’s heart ache, and he stand there as Alex just nods and turns on his heels to walk away. Matt shuts his locker, and presses his forehead against the cool metal. His heart is racing and the butterflies in his stomach have multiplied tenfold. They’ve known each other for less then fifteen minutes, but Alex already owns a tiny piece of Matt’s heart. And Matt gets the feeling that if Alex asked, he’d happily hand over the whole thing.  
************************************************************************

Alex walks home from school in a daze. It’s cold outside, but he was so nervous that morning that he forgot to grab a jacket, and he shivers in the February air, nibbling at his lips as he thinks. The day had been fine, if not a little overwhelming. Everyone has been welcoming and receptive of him, asking him questions, and offering to show him around the school. He gave polite and vague answers to their questions, and graciously declined their offers. He began planting seeds in their minds, subtly letting them know that he was a lackluster and uninteresting, that he’d be better off ignored in favor of people more deserving of the friendship. He was well on his way to being invisible. And then he stepped into the cafeteria and saw that boy. There he was, just standing on the table, shouting out loud. Making himself the center of attention. And he was happy about it! He was smiling, laughing, and clapping his hands together. Everyone was looking at him, and he was just….fine with it. Pleased even.

Alex didn’t understand. He was planning on finding some hidden corner, some socially invisible spot to hurry through his meal, but once he saw that boy he just sort of froze, and he didn’t even know why. And then their eyes met. The boy fell down, creating more of a scene, and making a spectacle of himself, and he still had a smile on his face, Then he started to make a beeline for Alex, eyes locked on his face as he sauntered over to him. That’s the only word Alex could come up with, dauntered. He was oozing with confidence and he took every step like he knew exactly where he was heading. People stared looking at Alex then, making him the center of attention, and he felt sick to his stomach. 

But then the boy stepped in front of him. There were mashed potatoes in his hair, and he grinned at Alex like he had just won a prize, like the sun had just risen, and for some reason, Alex’s heart started beating faster and slower at the same time. Alex wants to say he was beautiful, but that wasn’t right. Boys cant be beautiful, and they definitely cant think another boy is pretty. So he wasn’t beautiful, but he was handsome. He can say that right? Probably not out loud. He said his name was Matt, and he wanted to be Alex’s friend. And for some reason, when usually he would have turned and ran in the other direction, Alex said yes. He wanted to know this boy, wanted to get to know someone for the first time in his entire life. 

But then, within five minutes of knowing each other, Matt called him out on it. On his secret. Alex has been lying and hiding, and perfecting himself for years, and this boy just took one look at him and knew. Just like that. It was the most scariest moment of Alex’s entire life. He denied what he was to Matt, but he couldn’t deny the sparks he felt when the handsome, not beautiful. boy handed him a cookie with rainbow sprinkles and their fingers brushed. It was the heat, electricity, and excitement, something Alex had never expirenced before igniting in his stomach like a fire that couldn’t be contained. He walked away from Matt in the hallway, scurried and fled like a coward that he was, but he knows he wont be able to stay away from Matt.

He can still taste the cookie on his tongue. He’s so afraid. The next time Alex looks up, he can see his new house looming in the distance. It’s a cookie cutter house in a picture perfect neighborhood with flowers in the garden, and an honest to god white picket fence. Alex turns up the path, footsteps slow and precise as he makes his way towards the front door. He takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and makes his way inside. He is greeted with silence. It’s not uncommon. Sometimes he wishes he could get a dog, just so he’d have someone that would be excited to see him. Someone that didn’t expect anything from him other than an ear scratches and occasional treats. Alex can hear movement in the kitchen, and he closes his eyes. He has to walk by the kitchen to get to the stairs to go to his room. He looks straight ahead and tries to walk quickly, falling back on the old childhood adage of 'if I don’t look at you, maybe you won’t see me.’ No such luck.

“Alexander,” his mother says sharply, and he freezes. Tension coils his shoulders, and he spins slowly on his heels to face her. He clasps his hands behind his back, nervous fingers gripping the bottom of his backpack.

“Hi,” Alex says, swallowing hard. The ingredients for chocolate cake are spread across the counter, and Alex closes his eyes. He’d almost forgotten some people from their new church are coming over for dinner and his mother wants to impress them.  
Alex begins to mentally steel himself, preparing for a night of casual conversation sprinkled with judgement and hate disguised as faith and belief. His stomach turns at the thought of it. He doesn’t agree with these people, but there’s no way he can let them know that. 

“How was school?” She asks, but it doesn’t really look like she cares. She’s too busy stirring the cake batter. “Aside from making a horrible impression by being late on your first day, of course.”

“It was, uh fine.” Alex bites his lip and furrows his brow, forcing out a lie. “Uneventful.”

“Did you meet any nice girls?” She asks, and Alex stiffens. His heartbeat quickens the same as it always does at this question, and Alex’s fingernails dig little half moon crescents into his palms.

“Not really,” Alex says. He ducks his head so his mother can’t see the pained look in his eyes. “It was only the first day. I’m trying to get settled in.” She sighs, disapprovingly, pouring all the cake mix into the pan, and wiping her hands on her apron. 

“Your brothers were dating all the time by the time they were your age,” she reminds him. Alex resists the urge to roll his eyes, feeling small and worthless. 

Not a day goes by that he isn’t compared to his big brothers. Chase, Ben, Gabriel, Luke, and Michael are the epitomes of perfect children, and Alex learned at an early age he would never measure up. So he’s just stopped trying.Alex hums thoughtfully, nodding and focusing on a magnet on the refridgerator that reads, 'good things came to those who wait’. Alex is losing his patience.

“Well, go do your homework,” she tells him, not even looking at him. “Dinner is at seven. And good heavens Alex. Your father and I work hard to buy you nice things, and you wear those ratty old sweats!? Put something nice on. The Johanssons are bringing their daughter. She’s about your age, and if you try, you might even look presentable.”

Alex just nods, and takes the opportunity to escape. He trudges up the stairs, fingers dragging and catching on the banister. Once he’s inside his room, he drops his backpack on the floor, and leans back against the door, head hitting the wood with a soft thump as he presses his palms flat against the door. That wasn’t so bad. She was preoccupied with making dinner, too busy to really concentrate on tearing him down. The walls of his room are plain, boring white. He hasn’t really unpacked and there’s nothing in this room that makes it feel like his, but that’s okay. This house is huge, and there isn’t a single spot anywhere in it that feels like home.

Alex can’t help but remember that just a few hours earlier, he was smiling. It was brief and fleeting, but it happened. He laughed. Matt’s wide grin pops in his head, sudden and unexpected. He thinks of the way Matt made him feel, the terrifying fluttering in his stomach that he got whenever Matt spoke, when Matt called him gorgeous. Alex thinks of what he wants, what he can never even imagine having, and closes his eyes. A tear slips down his cheek, and he absently wipes it away. His jeans and button-downs are still in a box, and if he wants to have the time to pick out and iron something that might make him look respectable, like a son someone could be proud of, he better get started.  
************************************************************************

It’s dark out by the time Matt finally gets home. Right after school, he had a student body council meeting, and then directly after that he went to the drama club meeting. He’s not even an offical member of the drama club, but since half of his best friends are in it, he swings by sometimes to see if they need any help. That and they asked him to come so they could thank him for organizing the petition. It was no big deal, really. He was happy to do it. As soon as he unlocks the door, and steps inside, he’s attacked by two giant dogs. They jump up, and slam him against the wall, whining and wagging their tails. Matt reaches out to scratch at their ears, one hand on each furry head.

“Hello children,” Matt laughs, kneeling down so they could give him kisses. “You miss me?” Sofie barks like she understood him, and Mash just ran in circles. Matt chuckles again, tossing his backpack in the general direction of the sofa as he makes his way towards the kitchen.  
He takes out a bottle of coca cola, and drinks directly from it as he looks over at the calendar stuck on the wall. There is something written on nearly every date, and Matt memorizes the upcoming week. He sort of wants to add, 'met Alex omg!’ to today’s date, but he figures that would be pretty lame. He does it anyway. The front door opens as he’s sticking the pen back to the wall, and the dogs start all over again. He hears his mom trying to quiet them down, and he laughs.

“Matt, are you home?” Matt shouts out the affirmative. She meets him in the kitchen, still wearing her work apron, hair spilling out of her messy bun. She looks exhausted and Matt frowns slightly. “Hey kid.”

“Hola means hello,” Matt replies, pouring her a glass of juice. He sets it in front of her as she takes a seat on one of the bar-stools at the counter. “Long day?”

“Thanks,” she replies, taking the glass and drinking half of it down. She burps and Matt laughs. “You know it. How was school?”

“Oh, mom! OH MOM!” Matt replies excitingly, holding up his hands, and waving them around as he hops up on the stool next to her. “There’s a new boy at school.”

“I take it he’s cute?” Sherry smirks, and Matt holds his hands up to his chest.

“Mom, he’s so pretty, there isn’t even a word for it. I would literally have to has bright green eyes! Green eyes mom!”

“Oh my!” She says, feigning a swoon. “Gonna ask him out?”

Matt’s smile falls, lips jutting out in a pout, and Sherry furrows her brow. Matt gets asked out a lot; both by boys at his school, and delusional girls that don’t understand that he’s pretty much the gayest thing on two legs. He goes on dates sometimes, but he’s too busy. His life is such a whirlwind and he’s never clicked with anyone that made him slow down and relax a little. Alex though, he thinks he can slow down for.

“I’m pretty sure he’s gay, but like, when I invited him to a GSA meeting, he acted like I asked him to strip naked and dance on a float in the pride parade,” Matt says, crossing his arms on the counter, and resting his cheek on them. He looks up at his mother with sad eyes, and she ruffles his hair. “I think he’s so far in the closet that he hasn’t even come out to himself.”

“Poor kid,” Sherry says sadly, smoothing Matt’s hair back from his forehead. “That’s too bad.”

“Yeah,” Matt says sitting up, and fiddling with a piece of paper on the counter. “It’s just, I think I could like him, and I think maybe he could like me.”

“Well, what are you gonna do?” She asks. Matt looks over at her. He spots a big bag of candy on top of the refridgerator and gets up to grab it, looking down at it thoughtfully before turning his gaze back to his mother.

“I’m going to be whatever he needs,” Matt says softly. “And right now? He needs a friend.”  
************************************************************************

Alex trudges toward his first period English class a few minutes before the bell rings. His crumpled schedule is in his hands, edges frayed and torn by his nervous fingers. He’s staring at his shoes, which he is often prone to do, as he walks over the thershold to the classroom. Something compels him to look up, and he meets a pair of excited indigo eyes. It’s Matt, waving at him and gesturing to an empty desk beside him. Alex freezes and stares at Matt wordlessly. Someone walks into him, a slight nudge of his shoulder gets him moving again. It’s like he’s walking through molasses, struggling with every step until he reaches the empty desk . He sets his bag on the floor and sits down, fingers curling around the bottom of his chair. He’s afraid to meet Matt’s eyes, but he is unable to look away. They’re just so…entrancing. Matt’s gaze makes him flush with heat. It makes him feel important.

“Hi!” Matt says breathlessly, pink lips stretched in a wide grin as he leans in slightly. He has light blue shimmers in his eyes, and Alex knows he shouldn’t notice these things. “You weren’t in this class yesterday.”

“Uh…yeah,” Alex says, reaching up to cup the back of his neck. His hair curls to back to the center. Matt blows his own messy bangs out of his face. “I missed it yesterday because I was getting a tour of the school.”

“Well, I’m glad your here now,” Matt says easily, like he has no problem whatsoever expressing his every feeling. “Who showed you around?”

“Uh,” Alex furrows his brow as he thinks. He didn’t really pay much attention to her, just sort of followed her around while she spoke. She was nice though. She did try to make him feel welcome. “Katie, I think her name was.” When Matt just looks at him, he thinks harder, and glances back over to Matt. “Short brown hair? She was funny.”

“Oh!” Matt says, hitting the desk. “Cassidy! We like her.” 

“Okay,” Alex says, drumming his fingers on the desk. The bell still hasn’t rung and people were still trickling in. Alex hides a yawn behind his hand, blinking when his eyes water slightly from the action. Dinner last night had been particularly painful. The pastor himself was there, talking with Alex’s parents about their beliefs. Their core values. Alex had been unable to sleep after that.

“So,” Matt says. Alex looks over at him again. He looks wide awake, indigo eyes so bright and warm that Alex gets lost in them for a terrifying moment. “Did you like my cookie?”Alex blushes at that and ducks his head. He thinks of the way he felt their fingers brush, the way he slowly broke off tiny bites of the cookie all through his History class, and ate them bit by bit, dropping rainbow sprinkles all over the smooth, shiny desk.

“I, yes, I did. It was good. Thank you,” Alex squeaks out, scrunching his eyes shut and biting his lip. Matt leaned closer, and braces one hand on the corner of Alex’s desk. Alex shrank back against his chair, turning his head, and opening his eyes to find Matt mere inches away.

He could feel the body heat coming off of him in waves, furnace hot in contrast to the cool air of the classroom. Matt opens his mouth to speak, but the bell rings and effectively cuts him off. The teacher calls the class to order, and Matt sighs, pulling away and slumping back in his seat. Alex lets out a breath, and clears his throat, putting his palms on the desk, and listens as the teacher begins to talk. Thankfully, she isn’t like the others. She doesn’t make him stand up and awkwardly introduce himself like he’s interesting. Like he’s someone they should all care about.

“We have a new student,” is all she says, and Alex bites his lip as everyone casts a curious glance his way. The attention only lasts for a second before she continues. “We don’t have a book for you yet, but you can share with Matt.”

Alex nods slightly, jumping when the sound of a desk scraping across the floor reached his ears. He looks over to see Matt lining up their desks, and opening up a text book. He smiles encouragingly as he positions it between them. Alex feels red hot as his fingers tremble slightly as he touches the edge of the book. Matt is so close and Alex doesn’t know what to think of it. He wants to run away, but the scary part is, he like it. He likes being close to Matt in some terrifying, insane way. He can smell the soft scent of Matt’s cologne, something subtle, and sweet. He stares at Matt’s wrist, at the curve of it, the soft jut of bone. He has rubber bracelets around his wrist, two rainbow and one black. His fingers are short and tipped with short, clean nails. He’s so close. Alex could touch him if he wanted to.

He tells himself he doesn’t, but he tells himself it’s not a lie. Alex doesn’t relax at all through class. He sits back, and his hands lay lamely in his lap as he looks down at the book. Matt sprawls, looking far too tall for the small school desk. He stretches and chew on the pen, and doesn’t sit still. He fidgets, taps his foot, and drums his fingers. He squirms and plucks at his bracelets. He never stops moving. He is fascinating. Alex remains still. Near the end of the period, Matt suddenly leans over to the left to dig in his backpack. His thin tee short rides up, and Alex glances over, eyes landing on the exposed strip of soft looking skin over the slight curve at the small of his back. He jumps when he realizes what he’s doing, and he jerks as if he’s been shocked. He swallows hard as shame rolls in his stomach.

Matt sits up and sets something on Alex’s desk. He jumps slightly at the sudden proximity and looks down to see a small object, a shiny piece of candy. It’s a Hershey’s kiss from what Alex could tell. He stares at it, and Matt places the top of his index finger on the top of it, sliding it closer. Giving it to him, Alex clears his throat, and looks from the candy to Matt again. Matt smiles warmly, and slides it even closer before pulling his hand away, and turning his attention back to the teacher, unwrapping his own piece of candy. Alex looks down at the candy, and feels his heart thundering in his chest as he slowly reaches out to take it. He unwraps it with shaky fingers, dropping it, and catching it in his palm. He finally just pops it in his mouth, and rolls it on his tongue, closing his eyes as the chocolate melts. 

When he opens them again, he can see Matt looking at him from the corner of his eye. He turned his gaze towards Matt, but he ducks his head as a wide smile splits his face, and his bangs fall in his eyes. Alex swallows and close his fingers over the balled up foil in his palm. He brings his fist up to his fist up to his mouth, surprised to feel his lips curved upwards. Matt makes him smile.  
************************************************************************

Matt pretends that he’s not watching the doors of the cafeteria out of the corner of his eye. He pretends to eat his pizza, with the waxy cheese and the cardboard crust, chewing every bite distractingly while he unintentionally ignores the rest of his friends as they talk. t’s just, he can’t get Alex out of his mind. Ever since he first caught a glimpse of those green eyes, he been completely transfixed and captivated in a way he hasn’t been in a long time. It’s almost the same sort of feeling he gets when he discovers a new cause to fight for, someone to help. But it’s more than that. He just, he needs Alex in his life. As if conjured by Matt’s thoughts, Alex makes his way into the cafeteria. His head is lowered, and his gaze is trained on the floor as he makes his way over to the food line. Matt stares, unabashedly, watching Alex’s every move. Alex picks out food blindly, a stale slice of pizza, an old apple, and a carton of chocolate milk. He fumbles with the crumpled bills in his pocket as he pays and a coin falls from his shaky fingers to roll underneath the register. Alex closes his eyes hard like he’s waiting to be reprimanded, and takes his tray and escapes hurriedly, shoulders hunched and head low.

Matt aches for him. He watches Alex make his way across the cafeteria, most likely towards an empty table in the back. Joel steps in Alex’s path. He jolts a little, and stumbles to a halt, curling into himself more. Joel is a blond, leggy junior that wears too much makeup, and smokes behind the school between classes. She puts her hand on Alex’s arm, acrylic nails touching Alex’s skin, and he shrinks away. It’s like Matt moves before the thought even occurs to him, cutting Chance off mid sentence as he walks over to Joel and Alex.

“Hey!” He says, sliding up next to Alex. He turns and blinks owlishly up at Matt. “I was looking for you! We still on for lunch?”

“Um, what?” Alex replies nervously, shifting his weight from hip to hip. Joel looks miffed, painted lips curling in a slight grimance.

“I was just asking Alex if he wanted to eat lunch with us,” she says, far too casual. Matt pastes on a smile.

“Sorry,” he chirps. “I called dibs this morning.” He puts his hand low on Alex’s back and guides him towards the cafeteria doors. Alex goes willingly, biting his lip as he looks anywhere but Matt.

He leads them outside, and takes a deep breath of cool air as he tilts his face up to the afternoon sun. Matt loves the juxtaposition, the deceptively bright sun disguising the cold air. There are a few picnic tables scattered behind the library that are usually abandoned during lunch, and Matt leads them there. He sits down on one side and motions towards the other. Alex nods, and sits down, setting his tray down carefully.

“Thanks,” Alex says softly. Alex looks up, and Matt’s smile is dimmed by Alex’s eyes. They’re so expressive; like a book splayed wide open, even though it’s obvious Alex tries so hard to hide what he’s feeling. Even worse, they always look so sad, like years of pain have built up inside of him, and he isn’t sure what to do with it. Matt would give anything to see those intense green eyes light up with happiness.

“Oh, you’re welcome. You looked like you needed to be saved,” Matt says once he realizes he’s been staring Alex blinks and shakes his head a little like he was starring too. Alex shifts awkwardly as his nimble fingers pick at his barely edible pizza. He opens his mouth repeatedly like he doesn’t know what to say, brow crinkled as he cheeks turn pink. “Hey, we don’t need to talk,” Matt says softly, splaying his palms on the table. Alex looks up at him as he gnaws on his bottom lip. Matt sort of wants to reach over and pull his lip free before it bruises, but he doesn’t dare to close the distance. “We can just sit here, enjoy the sunshine. That’s fine with me,”

“Okay,” Alex says. He looks a little relieved. He opens his carton of milk and takes a few sips, licking his lips, as he sets it back down on the table. Matt fights against the urge to bounce up and down in his seat.

He’s ridiculously excited to be alone with Alex even if they weren’t talking. He just hopes he can manage not to kiss the bridge of his nose. That’s basically all he’s been able to think about since the moment they met. Matt spends the next few minutes sneaking little surreptitious glances at Alex from the corner of his eye. Matt really wants to know everything about him. He’d pay to hear Alex’s life story. Alex is staring off to the side, his bottom lip is red and full from biting down on it so much. Suddenly, Alex pushes his tray away, cheeks bright pink and brow furrowed. 

“W-why are you doing this?” Alex asks suddenly. Matt’s gaze snaps up to him, warm and attentive.

“Doing what?” He replies, curiously, tilting his head to the side. Alex glances up up at him through the thick, midnight colored fringe of his eyelashes, eyes bright and round.

“Y-you’re trying to be my friend, right?” Alex asks softly, like the concept is completely foreign to him. He looks scared, but also a little hopeful. “That’s what this is?”

“Beauty and brains,” Matt says, throwing Alex a wink. Alex swallows hard, and looks down. Matt’s smile fades. He isn’t sure how to act around Alex. It’s hard enough to resist the urge to hug him. He hugs everybody, and well, he never wanted to hug anyone more than he wants to hug the sad boy in front of him. The next words are painful to get out. “I could leave you alone, if you want?”

“No!” Alex says. His eyes widen, and he rolls his lips in his mouth, like he didn’t mean to let that slip out. He looks up at Matt, and his stomach flips. “I…just keep doing it, okay?”

“You got it, Lex,” Matt says. The nickname rolls off his tongue like he’s used it forever. Alex meets his eyes, and gives him a tiny smile.

It could be his imagination, but Alex’s eyes look a little bit happier then before.


	2. Chapter 2

They eat lunch together for the next two days. It's like they came to an unspoken agreement. They meet in the cafeteria, and get their food, and then Matt guides him to the same random location on the campus with a hand placed low on his back. On Tuesday, it was the empty football field. They sat in the grass, and Matt leaned against the goal post, legs stretched out in front of him. On Wednesday, it was the abandoned cement path that runs behind the Tech building. It was like Matt has searched out all the secluded spots on campus. It's like he's showing Alex all the best places to hide.

They don't talk much, but when they do, it's mostly about superficial things in an effort to get to know each other. Matt asks him about his old school, and tells him about his new town. Matt talks about his friends with such a reverence that Alex feels guilty for taking him away from them. Matt flicks a little bit of food at him, and knocks theif feet together, but he doesn't get too close. He's giving Alex time to warm up to him, and get comfortable around him. Thing is, Alex has never been more comfortable around anyone in his life. But at the same time, he's never been so terrified of anyone either. Matt makes him think things that he shouldn't, feel things that he shouldn't, and it scares him.  
He tries to push those things to the back of his mind, but it's hard when he's faced with Matt's expressive eyes and wide, bright smile. Seeing Matt has become the highlight of Alex's day, the bright spot he looks forward to. But Matt makes him want, and that's bad. Matt is confusing. Alex knows he should run away, but he can't. He can't give Matt up, not now. Not even when he shakes him up so badly. Alex walks into the cafeteria on Friday, and tells himself that this is a bad idea. He spent years trying to shove that secret part of himself into a tiny little box, and out it in the back of his mind. He's worked so hard on never revealing that bit of himself, but as soon as he first saw Matt standing on a table in the cafeteria, it all when down the drain. It's like Matt took the box, shook it up, and dumped it upside down on Alex's carefully sculpted life.  
Alex knows he shouldn't be doing this. He runs his hand through his hair, and squeezes his eyes shut, and then turns to walk away before Matt could find him. He has to put a stop to this. He has to stop giving himself false hope. His plan backfires massively when instead he smacks right into Matt's chest,  
"Whoa, Lex!" Matt calls out with a laugh. The nickname makes Alex's heart do a little summer-sault. He freezes, every muscle in his body locking down until he can't move. Matt's hands are on his shoulders, long fingers curling around his biceps and burning where they brush his bare skin. Matt smells like sugar, and clean sweat, and Alex jerks out of his grasp.  
"Sorry," he mumbles, keeping his eyes trained on the ground. Matt has rainbow shoelaces in his black high-tops, and he's sort of everything Alex wishes he could be. Everything he knows he'll never have.  
"Hey," Matt says softly. He reaches up to put a finger under Alex's chin, and lifts his face. Alex's eyes flutter open and he swallows again, gaze fixed on Matt's friendly eyes. "You never have to be sorry about anything with me, okay?"  
Matt drops his hand with a crooked, bashful smile, and Alex wants to cry and scream. Why can't he have this? Instead, he just forces his features in a blank expression. It's easy by now, he's been doing it for years.  
"Ready to go?" Matt asks, and Alex can't do anything but nod. Matt places a hand against the dip of Alex's spine, the tip of his thumb brushing the waistband of Alex's sweats. He leads him out of the cafeteria, and into the cool air without any food. Alex looks at him with a confused expression. "Oh, I thought it'd be nice to get off the campus today. I know this great little pizza place, and it totally beats the school's meatloaf!"  
Alex bites his lip. He's never seen Matt outside of school. Right now it's like a fantasy, an escape. Leaving school with him would make Alex bleed over into his real life, and blur all the lines.  
"Matt I don't think..." He starts, but Matt cuts him off but curling his fingers in the hem of his shirt, and giving it a yank.  
"Come on," Matt says, with an awkward little smile. He almost looks nervous. "It'' be fun. I have cupcakes. My mom made them, and they're chocolate. No gay toppings this time."  
"Okay," Alex says, nodding to himself. He's not sure he could actually deny Matt anything. "Sure."  
They walk off campus in a relative silence. Matt hastily explains that they aren't technically allowed to leave during lunch, but so many people do thatm so they don't really try to enforce it. He gives Alex a guilty look like he's done Alex some great disservice, like he could ever be capable of hurting someone. A car horn sounds behind them, and Alex jumps, inwardly cursing himself when it turns out to be a carfull of people waving at Matt. He's so jumpy all the time, caged up and tense. He doesn't get what Matt sees in him. And that's the thing, the giant elephant in the room. Matt knows what he is, and he doesn't care. Alex is torn between just confessing his secrets to this tall, gangly boy with the warm grin, or keeping up this ridiculous charade and pretending. Matt can't read him, and in a way, that is honestly terrifying. Alex chews on his lip, and squints against the crisp February air. Matt starts talking; rambling like it's his second nature. Alex just walks beside him, with a tiny smile unknowingly tugging up the corners of his mouth. It's nice to have someone to fill the silence. The pizzeria Matt leads them to is only a few blocks from campus. It's a tiny brick building tucked away in the corner of a shopping center. A bell chimes when they enter, and Alex looks around. The place is nearly empty, and Matt bounces up to the counter. An elderly woman peeks her head out from the back, and when she sees Matt, her entire face lightens up. She comes up to the counter, and grins at him, something warm and fond in her eyes.  
"Matt!" She shouts, and Matt smiles widely. "My little activist. It's been too long!"  
"I was here last week," Matt tells her with fond exasperation. She just keeps grinning. It makes the corner of her eyes crinkle.  
"Exactly," she replies. "Too long!"  
"It won't happen again," Matt says. He looks over his shoulder at Alex, and motions him forward. Alex steps up next to him, and shoves his hands into the pockets of his sweats. "Susan, this is Alex. He just moved here."  
"Hello Alex," she says fondly, and Alex smiles and ducks his head. "Oh shy and gorgeous."  
"Hey, don't go breaking my heart!" Matt admonishes, and Susan winks at him. "How's Katie?"  
"Better," Susan says, and her eyes lose a little bit of their playful sparkle. "She's a tough little girl."  
"She is," Matt agrees. Alex doesn't miss the way his brows furrow slightly in concern.  
"She wanted me to tell you, thanks for the teddy bear," Susan says, voice thick with emotion. "She also said she wants to marry you when she grows up, but I don't think I was supposed to tell you that part."  
Matt blushes, and Alex is suddenly fascinated with the way his cheeks turn pink. Susan reaches out to pinch Matt's cheek, and he wrinkles his nose. Matt is beautiful. The thought hits him like a punch to the gut, because as obvious as it is, he's never allowed himself to think it. He stands there staring blankly ahead, barely listening as Matt gets their food, and leads him to a table. He sits down, and tries not to panic. In less than five days this boy has completely mixed him up, forced him to feel things he never let himself feel. His carefully placed mask is slipping, and Matt continues to be a little more perfect at every single turn.  
"Katie is Susan's granddaughter," Matt says, once they're settled in opposite side of the booth. "She has leukemia." That snaps Alex out of it. It makes his problems seem miniscule in comparison.  
"Oh no," he says. He nearly reaches out to touch Matt's hand where it rests on the table. He resists at the last moment, and instead lets his hands rest awkwardly on either side of his plate. Matt just gives him a soft, resolved smile.  
"It's okay," he replies. "She's responding well to the treatment. She's going to be fine."  
"Good," Alex breathes. Matt gestures towards his pizza as he picks up his own slice, and Alex tears off little pieces of it. His stomach is fluttering too much to really eat. He's alone with Matt, pressed into this tiny booth, tucked away in a hidden corner. Isolated.  
"So, how's it going so far?" Matt asks before taking a huge bit of pizza. He talks with his mouth full, and some how, it's attractive. "Everyone better be being nice to you."  
"Yeah," Alex says, furrowing his brow. "They are. I guess. I don't really talk to anyone but you. I'm, well, I'm not that great at talking to people."  
"You lie!" Matt says, letting out a mocked gasp. Alex looks up in time to see Matt wink at him. Alex laughs a little, and reaches up to rub the back of his neck.  
"I guess it's pretty obvious," Alex says, looking out the window as he continues. "People talk about you a lot."  
"Whatever they say about pink spandex, it isn't true," Matt retorts quickly. Alex looks back at him, with a tiny smirk.  
"No," he continues. "Not in a bad way. It's just, I'm sort of amazed by how often your name pops up in random conversations. Like you're apart of every story worth telling."  
And it's true. People talk about Matt all the time. Stories about how he made them laugh, or helped them with a problem, everything up to and including how awesome his mom's cookies are. It's like he touched everyone's life at some point or another, and Alex is sort of in awe of him. It's amazing how one person can have an impact on so many lives and still have time to live his own. When he meets Matt's eyes, he sees something indecipherable in them. If he didn't know any better, he'd say Matt looks sad.  
"It's cool," Alex reassures him, and Matt blinks a few times. He smiles a little, and runs his hand through his hair.  
"No, it's not..." He cuts himself off, and looks at Alex head on. "I've sort of always liked to help people. Everyone feels like they can talk to me, I guess." He glues Alex a meaningful look at that, like he's giving him a hint. Alex wants to talk to him. About everything.  
"My parents had all these people from the Baptist Church over last night," Alex blurts out, and he figures that's close enough. He blinks a few times, surprised that he's actually talking about this. "It was pretty horrible. We've been here for less than a week, and they're already trying to impress the pastor."  
Matt's eyes go soft, not full of pity but understanding. Alex looks away, and pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. But when Matt just leans in closer, Alex finds himself leaning in as well.  
"Ah," Matt says, clearing his throat and threading his fingers together. "I'm, well, not the most popular person with that crowd." He looks up at Alex, meets his gaze, and Alex fights the urge to look away. "Your parents are really religious, then?" Alex swallows and nods.  
"I, I can't be myself around them," Alex says in a pained whisper. It's the closest he's come to admitting he's not the good little straight boy he was raised to be. Matt purses his lips, and reaches out to touch Alex's wrist. Matt's fingers are hot like a brand against skin, and he shivers.  
"Some people refuse to see the good in others," Matt says, voice pitched low and serious. "Just because of something some stranger said was wrong thousands of years ago, they judge, and they hate without even bothering to try and understand."  
Alex's throat tightens, and he looks at Matt desperately. His heart is pounding in his chest, and he stares into Matt's eyes as his vision blurs slightly.  
"You're amazing, Alex. I've only known you for a few days, and I can see that," Matt continues, fingers curling around his wrist, and pressing against the delicate skin underneath. "I'm so sorry that anyone has ever made you feel like you can't let yourself be happy."  
"I want to be," Alex whispers, as his eyes slide shut. He can't take looking at Matt's gorgeous face anymore. "I don't even remember what it even feels like."  
"You will," Matt says adamantly, and it sounds like a promise. It sounds like, you can be yourself with me. Alex is shaking. He can feel his hand trembling in Matt's loose grasp, and he pulls it away because his emotions are too close to the surface.  
He's too close to letting them out, and he can't do that. Not now. He sits back in his seat, and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to regain his composure. When he finally looks at Matt again, he's gazing out the window, and chewing a bite of pizza. Alex sees it for what it is, and escape route, and he takes it gratefully.  
"I believe you mentioned cupcakes?" Alex asked, and he's proud of how steady his voice is. Matt looks at him, and gives him a comforting smile. Pizza grease shines on his lips, and Alex's stomach clenches shamefully.  
"They're in my backpack," Matt says, wiping his fingers on a napkin and tossing it onto his plate. "We'll have to eat them on the way back."  
"Okay," Alex says, and he gets up to follow Matt, who takes out a ten out of his wallet.  
"Put that away!" Susan shouts, and Matt rolls his eyes like he was expecting it.  
"You caught me," he replies. He hands the money to Alex underneath the counter. Alex looks at him with confusion, and Matt vaguely gestures towards the tip jar. "Tell Katie I said hello, okay?"  
"Of course," Susan says. As she lean out to pat Matt's cheek, Alex stealthily slips the ten into the tip jar, and wonders, just how much more amazing Matt could possibly get. "You two are gorgeous together, if you don't mind me saying." Alex freezes, feeling hot and cold at the same time, feverish at the mere implication.  
"I wish," Matt says with a flirty wink. "But no, Alex here continues to break my heart for being straight."  
"Well that's a shame," Susan says, and turns to head into the back again. Alex relaxes slightly, and shoots Matt a grateful and embarrassed look. Matt just bumps their shoulders together, and gives him a little smile that proves just how well he can keep a secret.  
The smile fades quickly, brows knitting together, and Alex frowns. It's obvious Matt doesn't lying. Matt's eyes are a myraid of colors, dark indigo shifting to a light purple around the edges. The moment he notices that is the first time he's ever thought that there might be a reason to stop keeping secrets. Like maybe there's something that could be worth comng clean for.  
The air outside was freezing cold, and Alex regrets forgetting his jacket yet again. His mother always says he's scattered-brained, and he'd forget his head if it wasn't attached. Absentmindness is a horrible quality in a person, according to her, and she thinks he has it in spades. Matt puts his backpack on the ground, and unzips it to take out the small container holding two cupcakes. He looks up, brows knitting together in concern when he notices how badly Alex is shaking. He sets the container on the ground, and stands up to unzip his hoodie.  
"No, it's okay," Alex says adamantly, and Matt rolls his eyes. He drapes the sweatshirt over Alex's shoulders, and he immediately melts into the warmth of it. After a moment of deliberation, he slips his arms into the sleeves. It's soft and grey, a little worn and faded from too many washings. He zips it up, only to realize that he's nearly swimming in it. "Thanks, but aren't you cold?"  
"I'm good," Matt says. He takes the cupcakes out of the container and hands over one. "I'm always warm."  
Alex knits his brow, and licks some of the chocolate frosting from his thumb. He's always cold. He can't help but think that it sounds like a sign. Matt asks for Alex's phone on the walk back to campus. Alex crumples up the paper wrapper from his cupcake, and stick it in his pocket, licking his thumb clean, before digging it out of his sweats, and handing it over. Matt plays with the buttons, and Alex can only assume he's programming in his number, Alex bites his lip, and squirms a little. Matt is no longer just the boy he sees at school, no longer an escape. Matt is slowly but surely worming his way into Alex's life. He's inextricable now. Alex needs him. When they get back to the campus, Matt squeezes his shoulder, and gives him a warm smile. He let's Alex know to call him if he needs anything, and tells him to have a good weekend. Matt fidgets a little, mouth opening and closing like he wants to say something else, but he just smiles, and walks away. Alex still has his jacket. He looks down at his hands, curling his fingers into fists, and pulling the long sleeves over them as he walks to class.  
************************************************************************  
Matt is an uncharacteristically bad mood when he gets home late that night. He drops down onto the sofa, dislodging Sofi and Mash from the rumpled cushions. He stretches out onto his back with a sigh, and stares at the ceiling with his hands interlocked on his stomach. He's still on the couch when his mom comes home, flipping through the channels, but not really paying attention to anything on the screen. She drops her purse on the coffee table, and does a double take when she sees him. Matt pouting is out of the ordinary, a very rare occurrance. She sits down at his feet, and rests her hand on his knee.  
"What's wrong?" She asks, and Matt just lets out a sigh."Tell me."  
"I had lunch with Alex today," Matt mumbles, and his mother furrows her brow. " I took him to Susie's."  
"I don't see how that's bad," she says softly. "I thought you liked him."  
"Oh god, I do. He's just so sad, mom," Matt says, looking at her hopelessly. "It's written all over his face. He's devastated all day, every day, and I want to take it away. I want to help me."  
"Well," she says thoughtfully, as she pulls Matt's feet in his lap, and bites her lip. "Matt, did he ask for your help?" Matt narrows his eyes slightly, and swallows hard before shaking his head sadly. Sherry lets out a tiny sigh, and pinches the bridge of her nose. Matt blinks, watching her closely. "Look, Matt. I've seen so many kids come in and out of this house, sleeping on this very couch, because you wanted to help. Help them come out to their families, or get away from a bad situation. You've helped kids who's parents hurt them, and you've helped kids who've gotten mixed up with drugs. Christ, Matt, you'll help anyone with their homework if they asked you to. But all those kids have something in common. They all came to you. You can't force help on someone who hasn't asked for it."  
"He can't ask for it, mom!" Matt cries, pulling himself into a sitting position. "His parents sound like these religious psychos, and I just know that he's grown up hearing that being gay is sick, and evil, and wrong, and now he's realizing he is! And he's freaking terrified." Sherry's eyes dim slightly, and she looks pained for a moment. "People like Alex are the reason I fight so hard. He needs me!"  
"I know that!" Sherry replies softly, reach out to cup Matt's flushed cheek. "But you've gotta understand that you can't save everybody."  
"I know," Matt admits. He looks at her, and his eyes are bright and determined. "But Alex? I have to save him. I just, I need to."  
They stare at each other for a minute, and Sherry sighs as she pushes Matt's hair back from his face. He's working himself up, getting upset enough that his eyes sting. He's hasn't cried in so long. But he thinks of Alex's eyes, and the pain in them makes his heart ache. Matt's phone goes off with a shrill chirp that makes both of them jump. Matt blinks, and wipes his eyes as he pulls it out of his pocket. He has a text from an unfamiliar number, and he furrows his brow has he opens it.  
"Hey, it's Alex. I still have your jacket," it reads. Matt grins suddenly, heart speeding up just from a text message. But this means something. Alex contacted him just because he felt like it. It feels like a tiny step closer to him asking for help. It gives Matt hope, and makes him feel lighter than air.  
"Alex?" Sherry asks, and Matt nods excitingly as he creates a reply, thumbs moving so fast they slip on the tiny keys. He misses the way Sherry's brow wrinkles as she bit down worriedly on her bottom lip.  
"Don't worry about it, it looks good on you," he sends the reply, and sighs deeply, slumping back against the cushions. He knows Alex will come to him eventually. All he has to do is wait.  
************************************************************************  
Alex bites down on the tip of his thumb as he stares at the reply from Matt. He'd been so nervous to send the message, nearly deleting it three times before finally hitting send. But now he's smiling, and he's wearing Matt's jacket. It smells like him, and Alex sort of wants to leave it on forever. He sighs, a small smile playing on his lips as he pulls the sleeves of the jacket over his hands. He stares at the wall, and loses himself in a daydream. It's not something he often lets himself do.  
"Hey." Alex jumps, nearly falling off the bed as he whips around to look at the doorway of his room. Amanda is standing there, strawberry red hair falling in her face as she bites down on a thumbnail, half covered in chipped purple polish.  
"Oh, hi," Alex says, clearing his throat, and shifting his hips a little. He gives her a tiny smile that feels incredibly fake and reaches up to scratch the back of his neck.  
His relationship with his big sister is sort of awkward. One day they'll get along, and the next he's just her weird younger brother. But right now, she's looking at him like she cares, like she wants to keep him, rather then disown him.  
"How's school going for you?" Amanda asks, coming in his room, and shutting the door. Alex rolls his lips into his mouth because his first instinct is to smile at the question, and that's odd. He raises an eyebrow as Amanda roams idly around his sparse bedroom, and randomly touches things.  
"It's...good, I guess," Alex says carefully, looking up at her. "Better than the last. How are you? I know you were sad about leaving."  
"Well, it turns out," she starts, heaving a dramatic sigh. "College is no more or less awesome no matter what school you're suffering through it in."  
"That's what you're doing? Suffering?" Alex asks. He's not sure she knows the meaning of the word. Amanda just shrugs, and plops down on Alex's bed like they do this all the time.  
"No, it's nice here," she admits. She shrugs her shoulders like that's her apology for how much of a brat she was about the whole thing. "I've made some friends."  
"That's good," Alex says, nodding as he stares down at the frayed edges of his sleeves. He imagines Matt picking at the lose threads, always moving. Amanda pushes his shoulders playfully, and leans in to rub his back. Alex furrows his brow. This is new.  
"And you," she begins, clearing her throat, and starting over. "You seem, well, happier. You're different almost."  
"What?" Alex asks. He jerks away from her, and turns to face her with wide eyes. "What do you mean?"  
"Whoa, calm down!" She laughs, and holds her hands up, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "I'm just saying, you smile more. Or well, you smile. Period. That's good. Did you make some friends?"  
"Uh, yeah," Alex says, taking a deep breath, and meeting her curious gaze. "I think I did."  
"I'm happy," Amanda says, slapping him on the shoulder, and getting up. "Because they make you happy." She nods at him as she leaves the room, and closes the door behind her.  
Alex blinks a few times, shaking his head with a small smirk. His older sister is an enigma, but then again, pretty much all girls are that way to him. Alex reads the reply from Matt again. He smiles to himself, before putting the phone on the nightstand, and falling back onto his bed. The sheets are soft, and the moon is a bright orb hanging just outside his window. He sighs happily, and lets his eyes slip shut. He falls asleep wearing Matt's jacket.  
************************************************************************  
On Monday, Matt get to first period late. Sofi had gotten out of the yard, and Matt spent half an hour chasing her in his pajamas, She'd thought it was a game, ducking and avoiding, refusing to come when Matt called her. He needs to spend more time training his dogs. He has a slight scowl on his face when he finally trudges into his English class with a tardy slip in his hand. He forgets why he was even upset when he looks over to see Alex watching him. His messenger bag is slung on the empty desk next to him, like he's saving it for someone. For Matt. He hands his late slip over to Mrs. Shaw, and practically bounces down aisle to the back of the class room. Alex pulls his bag off of the desk as Matt drops into it. Alex gives him a soft smile, and Matt grins back, biting his lip when Alex lets out a soft snort.  
"What?" he mouths. Alex glances at the teacher, before leaning over, and plucking something out of Matt's hair. He holds up a leaf, and Matt rolls his eyes.  
Smacking it out of his hands, Matt lifts his desk to move it closer, but Alex holds up a shiny new textbook with a small shrug. Matt deliberates for a moment, and scoots closer anyway. He riles through his bag for a Hershey's Kiss, and sets it on Alex's desk, same as he's done every morning since the first time. Alex smiles as he pulls it over, and picks it up. He unwraps it, and pops the candy in his mouth, sucking on it as he wads up the foil, and flicks it at Matt. It hits him in the middle of the forehead, and Matt's jaw drops as Alex laughs silently.  
This is incredible. He's never seen Alex in such a good mood before. The teacher stops talking soon after that, and lets them loose to work on their essays. Alex takes his notebook out of his messanger bag, and opens it to a page of notes taken down in small, neat font. Matt doesn't have notes. He was too busy staring at Alex to take any.  
"How was your weekend?" Matt asks, once the volume in the room starts to climb. Alex shrugs dragging his eraser over a doodle in the corner of his paper.  
"Long," Alex says, wrinkling up his adorable little nose. Students are usually happy when their weekends seem long, but Matt gets what Alex means. It was unbearably long. Almost endless. "So, what secluded location are you dragging me off to today?"  
"Well, actually," Matt says, tapping his pen against his paper. "I know this great place called the cafeteria." That gets Alex to look over at him, one brow raised. He looks confused, and just a little nervous. Matt runs his hand through his hair, and leans in slightly. "You've made yourself a mystery," Matt tells him, and Alex just blinks. "My friends want to offically meet you."  
"But you're friends with everybody," Alex says like he's almost half joking. Matt laughs slightly at the apprehensive expression on Alex's face. "I don't want to meet everyone."  
"Okay, my best friends," Matt clarifies. "They want to meet you. Have lunch with us?"  
"Matt, I don't..." Alex starts, but Matt pokes his shoulder. He gives Alex reassuring smile, and touches his wrist, fingers barely brushing the jut of bone.  
"It'll be fun," he says, pleading Alex with his eyes. "I promise."  
"Okay," Alex relents, and smiles nervously. "I'll be there."  
************************************************************************  
Alex sort of hides in the bathroom for five minutes after the lunch bell rings, sitting on a toilet, and chewing his thumbnail. He has two options here. He could chicken out, find Matt later and apologize. He's pretty sure Matt would forgive him, and than Alex could keep Matt to himself, selfishly making him ditch his friends day after day. But Alex didn't want to be that person. The other option is to suck it up, to go out to the cafeteria, even though ge feels seconds away from throwing up. He doesn't understand why he's so nervous, if these people are half as wonderful as Matt, he has nothing to worry about. Alex sighs, and gets up, trying not to glance at his reflection in the mirror on his way out of the door. He walks down the hall slowly, gnawing on his lips as he enter the cafeteria with his head lowered. Someone grabs the back of his shirt, and he jumps, whirling around so fast, he finds himself chest to chest with Matt, the slightly taller boy's arm wrapped around him, and Alex's hand on his chest. They stare at each other for a moment; Alex's face tipped up towards Matt's; mere inches apart. He watches as Matt's eyes go dark, cheeks flushing pink as his fingers stay curled in Alex's shirt. Alex could feel his own cheeks fill up with blood and his pulse pound in his ears as his hand stays pressed against Matt's body.  
"Hi," Matt breathes. His hand slides down to the small of Alex's back before he steps away. Alex blinks a few times, eyes flickering down to his hand as it slides down and off Matt's chest. "Thought you were going to bail on me." It takes a few moments for Alex to get his voice back.  
"Wasn't," he finally breathes. Matt's answering smile is radiant. It's like the world starts up again. Alex suddenly remembers where they are, realizes what they were doing, and he takes another step back. Matt's eyes dim a little, and he feels slightly guilty.  
They get in the food line, and Alex grabs items blindly. All he can think about is the way Matt felt up against him, his arm wrapped firm and tight around Alex's waist. He closes his eyes as conflicting emotions tear at his stomach. He shouldn't be feeling like this, shouldn't want this. But god help him, he does. Matt nudges him with his shoulder once they get to the register, jarring him from his thoughts. They pay for their food, and Matt leads him towards his normal table with one hand pressed against the small of Alex's back as they make their way through the crowd. Once they reach the table, everyone stops talking, and turns to look at him. Alex forces himself to keep his head up, and even manages a smirk.  
"Is this the illustrious Alex?" The girl is tiny, with pretty hazel eyes, and long dirty blond hair. Matt has talked about his friends enough that Alex can guess who they all are.  
The girl that spoke is obviously Nicki, and the girl pressed against her side has to be Mazi. The burnette guy has to be Chance, and the amber eyed guy must be Nate. Alex sort of feels like he knows them all already.  
"It is," Matt laughs, and sets his tray down as he sits at one of the round table's four benches. There isn't an empty one, so Alex is forced to sit next to him, thighs pressed tight together, and elbows knocking. "Alex, this is Mazi and Nicki. And that's Chance and Nate. They're all crazy, and you don't have to listen to a word they say."  
"Hi Alex!" They all chirp, and then they crack up together.  
"We're like the stinking Brady's," Chance says, as he throws a tater tot at Nate. "Really pathetic."  
"Your face is really pathetic," Nate retorts. He throws a celery stick, and hits Chance right between his eyes. "Fifty points!"  
"That's it!" Chance growls. "I'm about to commit a hate crime!"  
"Let's try to behave for once," Matt says. He glares playfully at Chance, who just sticks his tongue out in return. The light catches on the shiny metal stud piercing, and Alex's eyes widen.  
"So Alex," Nicki says sweetly. "Where'd you move from?"  
"New York," Alex says slowly, fiddling nervously with cap of his pop bottle. "Near Albany."  
"Ooh, that's quite the change," Nate replies, leaning in, and looking interested. "How are you handling all the scary liberals out here in California?"  
"Well, I haven't burst into flames yet," Alex says. The unexpected joke surprises him. He knocks on the table top with shaky fingers. "So, there's that."  
"Gorgeous and funny," Mazi says in a rough voice. "Better hang onto this one Matt."  
"Anyway," Matt says quickly. Alex blushes, and ducks his head. "I'm meeting Jane tomorrow after school."  
"GLSEN Jane?" Chance asks.  
"Yeah," Matt replies. "She's going to give me the info for this year's Day of Silence, so we can start making preparations."  
"Oh awesome!" Nate exclaims, clapping his hands together. "It's always hilarious to watch you try and shut up for an entire day."  
"Screw you. I can totally stay quiet for one day!" Matt retorts, raising his nose haughtily in the air. Everyone at the table snorts, and Matt rolls his eyes. "Whatever I can."  
"I still say we should make buttons that say STFU for Awareness! On them," Chance says excitedly. "Black Helvetica on pink! They'd be a total fucking hit!"  
"And they'd get confiscated just like your Matt/Chance in two-thousand eight, jerks! Campaign buttons did," Matt replies, flicking a tater tot at Chance.  
"God! The next person that throws something at me is getting that something shoved up their freaking ass!" Chance screeches, and then snorts. "But you two would probably enjoy that."  
"Can we not talk about ass playing while I'm eating?" Mazi adds. "At least give Alex a chance to settle in before you get vulgar?"  
"Oh, BTW Alex," Chance says, leaning across the table. Alex raises a startled eyebrow, and leans back slightly. "I'm fucking vulgar. Just an FYI."  
"Quit speaking in acronyms, Chance," Matt tells him. "I swear to god!"  
"DIAF," Chance replies simply. Matt chucks another tater tot at him. "Oh, that's it!" Chance stands up, and everyone except Alex throws something at him. Chance sighs, and plops back down. "FML."  
Alex has no idea what Chance is saying, but everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding him.  
"What's Day of Silence?" Alex asks curiously, picking at the crust of his pizza. Everyone looks over at him, and Alex ducks his head.  
"They didn't have a GSA at your old school?" Nicki asks. Alex thinks of what Matt told him the acronym stands for, gay-straight alliance, and his lips curled up in a bitter smirk.  
"No," he replies quietly, staring down at the table, and curling in on himself slightly. "Nothing like it."  
Matt's foot knocks against his under the table, and Alex glances over at him. Matt smiles reassuringly, and hooks his foot around Alex's ankle. The touch makes Alex feverish, and he shivers against the desire to pull away, and push closer at the same time. He stays sitting perfectly still, a compromise.  
"Well, GLSEN stands for gay, lesbian, and straight education network, and as the acting president of our GSA, I work closely with them," Matt starts.  
He seems to be aware that the subject matter is making Alex uncomfortable. Alex knows he could change the subject, and Matt wouldn't be offended. But as uncomfortable as he may be, he still wants to learn the things he was never allowed to be taught. He's already sitting with the kids that support and defend what he was raised to stand against. He's sitting with a boy, pressed warm, and intimate against his side. He's already breaking all the rules. He might as well go all the way. He presses his foot against Matt's, and nods for him to continue.  
"Day of Silence is an annual GLSEN sponsored event. It's a day of action to bring attention to the silencing of LGBT students, and their allies," Matt says, giving Alex a meaningful look, that makes his cheeks heat up. "We take a day long vow of silence to symbolize those who stay quiet because of who they are. Those who think they have to stay quiet."  
People like me, Alex thinks. There is a nationwide even to support people just like him, people who are too afraid of what they are to even speak. And then there are people like Matt and his friends to fight for them, His throat is dry, and he swallows, unable to tear his gaze away from Matt. He can't even find words now.  
"Oh," he finally gets out. Matt gives him a small smile.  
"Whatever," Chance says, making Matt look away from Alex. "I'm totally getting the STFU for Awareness! Buttons made."  
"Fine, but it's on your dime," Nate tells him, waving a plastic fork menacingly. "We don't have enough in our fund to spend on something that's just gonna end up decorating the bottom of all the teacher's trash cans."  
"You mean alongside your dignity?" Chance asks innocently. Nate hits him with another tot. "You know Nate, you should really think about cutting back on carbs." He throws the tot back at Nate, and it pegs him in the chest, leaving a little grease mark on his shirt. Nate just sighs.  
"Or you two should just find an empty classroom, and get it over with already," Mazi says, smirking, and raising an eyebrow. Chance and Nate just share a startled look, and shut up. "Hate to eat and run, but I have to drop off a book at the library before class." She turns her attention towards Nicki and leans in close. "See you after school, baby?"  
"Yep," Nicki replies. Mazi grins before leaning in to kiss her on the lips. Alex stiffens, eyes darting the cafeteria quickly.  
No one seems to be paying attention to the girls. Alex cautiously glances back towards the kissing girls with his back ramrod straight and shoulders tense. He's never seen two people the same gender kiss before, and now that he knows no one in here seems to care, he allows himself to look. He thinks of what his parents would say, how they would call his new friends disgusting sinners, and talk about how they're going to burn in hell. But Alex doesn't see that. He just sees two people in love, and he can't understand what is supposed to be so wrong about it. Matt's fingers circle Alex's wrist. His thumb presses into Alex's palm, and runs back and forth. Alex looks down at their hands, noticing the way his fingers twitch towards Matt's without his permission. Matt is staring ahead, and no one would even know he was paying attention to Alex if it weren't for the way he was cradling Alex's wrist so delicately under the table. Alex looks at Nicki and Mazi again, watching as they pull apart. Nicki tucks a lock of hair behind Mazi's ear, and Alex can see the love in their eyes. He glances over to Matt, and lets his eyes drift down to his lips. They're so pink, and soft looking, curling up at the edges in a near permanent smile. Alex looks at them, licks his own lips, and thinks about, well. He just thinks.  
************************************************************************  
Alex excuses himself from the lunch table a little early, claiming he has to drop off a paper to the office before heading to his class at the opposite end of campus. Matt can't think of an excuse that would allow him to go with Alex; his own class is in the opposite direction. So instead he tries very hard not to watch Alex leave, and doesn't even care that he fails miserably. When he turns back to face his friends, they're all looking at him with sympathetic, concerned expressions.  
"What?" Matt asks. His smile fades a little.  
"Nothing," Nicki says quickly, sharing a look with Mazi. "He's adorable."  
"It's just," Nate starts. He sighs a little. "He's so scared. He doesn't look like he's going to come out any time soon."  
"No, I know," Matt is quick to say. "We're just going to be friends." He's met with four matching blank stares. He can feel his cheeks heat up, and he ducks his head so they don't see the way their doubt makes him ache. He needs them to understand, and have hope that this can all end well.  
"Right, Matt," Mazi says, "You're already totally gone for this boy. I've never seen you all smitten like this."  
"Fine," Matt admits in a somewhat snippy voice. His shoulders slump in defeat. "I like him. A lot."  
"I just don't see this ending well," Chance supplies as he wipes tater tot grease from his lips. "There's a lot of shit in the way."  
"Thank you all for the vote of support." Matt's voice is sardonic, and a little defeated. His friends all sigh, and lean in.  
"We just don't want to see you get hurt," Nate says earnestly. Matt flicks his bangs out of his eyes, "You or Alex."  
"Yeah, Matt." Nicki leans across the table to touch his hand. "We like Alex. He's really sweet."  
"Good," Matt says defiantly. "Because he's going to be around a lot."  
"Matt.." Nate starts, but he's cut off by their friend Ashton dropping down next to Matt, and putting his arm around him.  
"What's up, moody blues?" Ashton asks. He leans forward to snag a tater tot from Chance's tray as he flicks his dyed violet hair out of his eyes. "Why is everyone so somber?"  
"What's up, Glambo?" Chance asks amusingly, allowing everyone to dodge the question. Ashton is a good friend, but he doesn't need to be apart of the particular conversation.

"Matt," Ashton says urgently. He grabs Matt's shoulders, and forces him to turn and look at him. "Who was that delectable morsel that was just sitting here? Talk about beauty. He's new, right?"

Matt swallows hard. Ashton is, well, pretty much the definition of flamboyant. He came out with a vengance their sophomore year, much to the shock of absolutely no one. Matt loves Ashton, he really does, but he takes a look at the chipped purple nail polish on his fingernails, and black kohl smeared around his eyes, and swallows hard.

"That's Alex," Matt tells him. "But Ashton, he's sort of...."

"He's super closeted," Chance interjects, and Matt glares at him. Ashton makes a sad clucking sound of noise, and pet's Matt's head.

"Honey," he begins. "The boy looks like he'd burst into tears if I walked up to him. He's just not ready for me."

"The world wasn't ready for you, babe," Nate tells him. Ashton sticks his tongue out at him, and holds up his middle finger.

"Anyway," Ashton continues, still holding Matt tightly. "Don't you worry, babe. There's a love story brewing here, I just know it!" Matt can't help it, he grins. Ashton's constant optimism is something he really needs right now. "My work here is done!" Ashton declares, leaning in to kiss Matt's temple. "I need to find my wifey before class. She has my favorite lip gloss."

"Say hi to Bella for me!" Matt calls out as Ashton scampers off. Matt chuckles, and shakes his head before turning back to his friends. "See?"

"Well, if the fairy god-homo says it's gonna be fine, who are we to argue?" Chance asks, batting his eyelashes, innocently. Matt hits him in the forehead with the very last tater tot.

************************************************************************

Alex begins to settle into a routine. Matt's friends welcome him into the fold with open arms, and more than that, Alex is glad. He likes these people. He lies Chance's vulgarity, Nicki's sweetness, Mazi's feistiness, and Nate's impressive intelligance. So yeah, he likes them. But not as much as he likes Matt. After a casual conversation bring out where they live in the same neighborhood, they start walking home together on the days Matt doesn't have some after school functions. Some days, Alex even waits for Matt in the library, doing homework or reading a new book until Matt swings to get him. It beats going home to his mother.

Every morning starts the same. They sit together in English, desks moved close together. They smile at each other with their cheeks flushed pink from the cold, and maybe something else, and Matt gives him a Hershey's Kiss. It never changes, and it's a routine. Alex has come to love it. He doesn't know what he'd do without his morning chocolate fix. His seventeenth birthday comes and goes with little fanfare. His parents take him out for an awkward dinner more out of obligation than desire, and Alex casually mentions it to Matt in class the next morning. By lunch that day, Matt manages to conjure up a cupcake, and everyone at the table sings Happy Birthday to him. Alex blushes at the attention, but all their voices are so terribly off key that Alex can't help but laugh as he bites into the chocolate treat. It's nice, this friendship he and Matt have developed. But Alex isn't foolish. He knows that what they have could be so much more. It's been weeks of casual touches, heated glances, and flirty remarks. At least Alex thinks Matt is flirting. He doesn't have much expirence in that area. Or any, really. Problem is, Matt makes him think too hard. He thinks about Matt all the time. He thinks about Matt all the time. He thinks about Matt in class, and when he's studying. Thinks about him at night, and wakes up with sticky boxers, and presses his palms to his eyes, flushed with arousal and shame. He's always warring with himself, constantly delibrating. It's like he's at a fork in the road, and now he has to try to determine which way to go. Matt is waiting for him; that much Alex knows. Matt looks at him like Alex holds his heart in his hands. One misstep and he could break it. The responsibility is nearly too much to handle. He doesn't have the faintest idea as to how to go about it. After a few weeks, he feels ready to crack, like a string drawn taut and ready to snap. He feels right on the on the edge of something life-altering. So, of course, that when it all comes crashing down.

"Your brothers are coming!" Alex's mom shrieks.He nearly drops the dish he's trying to wash, hands all wet and slick with soap.

"What?" Alex asks as he sets the plate down in the sink. "What do you mean?"

"Your brothers," Diana says, like he's slow, setting the cordless phone back down in its cradle. "They finally got some time off. You know how busy they are at college. Anyway, they're coming to pick us up, and take us to their city for the weekend."

"I can't go," Alex says impusively. His eyes widen, and he rolls his lips into his mouth.

"What do you mean you can't go?" She snaps, glaring at Alex. He takes a step back and clenches his fists behind his back. "What's so important that you can't spend the weekned with your brothers? We haven't seen them in months."

Truth is, Alex can't think of anything he'd enjoy less than sitting on the sidelines, while his parents fawn over his amazing, wonderful, successful, big brothers, and their wonderful lives. He just doesn't want to go. A few weeks ago, he would've shut up, and packed his bags, no matter how he felt about it. But not now.

"I have a paper due," Alex says. It's one of the only times Alex has ever lied o his mother. To her face, at least. "It's important, and I need to spend the weekend working on it." She looks at him with her face pinched with exasperation, and disappointment. Alex holds his breath.

"Fine," she says as she waves her hand in the air."Stay here, if you absolutely have to. Do you think you could find time in your busy schedule to have dinner with us at least?" Think you can manage that?"

"Yes," Alex grits out, fingernails digging crescents into his palm. She turns away from him, and treads down the hallway. Alex grips the edge of the counter, and lets his head fall forward as he takes in a deep breath. He finishes the dishes, and then goes up to his room to hide, and mentally prepare. This is going to be hell.


	3. Chapter 3

Matt is right in the middle of a pretty deep REM cycle, when his cellphone rings on the nightstand, loud and obnoxious. He jerks awake, fumbling for the phone, and nearly falling off the bed. He finally grabs it, and answers it without looking at the display. His phone ringing in the middle of the night is not all uncommon.   
"Hello?" He answers. His voice is rough with sleep. He hears a humorless chuckle on the other end, and it registers as vaguely, familiar.   
"Hey." Matt sits straight up in bed, blinking a few times, and looking at the clock. It's after one in the morning, and Alex has never called him before. They text pretty regularly, but they've never talked on the phone. Somehow, he doesn't think Alex is calling him this late just to chat.  
"Lex? Are you okay?" He forces himself to sound calm, even though he's close to panicking. "What's wrong?"  
"Knew it. Even your voice is pretty," he slurs. Matt frowns thoughtfully as Alex hiccups, and lets out a shuddering breath.  
"Have you, are you drunk?" Matt asks, while pushing his hair back from his face. Alex laughs darkly. "What's going on?"  
"We had visitors today. My older brothers Chase, Ben, Gabriel, Luke, and Michael," Alex says bitterly. His voice is tinged with sarcasm, and thinly veiled disgust. "They're wonderful, Matt. Best songs any parents could ever ask for, you know that? No one else could ever compare."  
"Alex, come on," Matt tries as he swings his legs over the side of his bed. He pinches the bridge of his nose, heart clenching at the defeated tone of Alex's voice.   
"Ben and Gabriel brought me a survival kit. You know what it was? Booze and a porno magazine. How's that for role models, huh?" Alex pauses, and sucks in a shaky breath like he's been crying. "Even if I wasn't a faggot, I still could never measure up to them."  
"Alex!" Matt warns, wincing at the word, and blinking at the sudden sting in his eyes. It's completely devastating that the first time Alex actually acknowledges his sexuality, it's with that word. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again, you hear me? Now quiet down before someone hears you."  
"They're gone," Alex replies sadly. "Went with my brothers all weekend."  
"You're alone?" Matt asks. His throat goes bone dry at the thought. He rolls out of bed, and staggers across the room to step into his shoes, pulling a jacket over his ratty pajamas.   
"And you know what the saddest thing is? I looked at it, Matt. I freaking looked at the magazine, and tried to see what they want me to see. I just don't get it. That's not what I want," Alex says, voice going from angry to depressed. "I just want you, Matt." Matt freezes halfway down the staircase, and blinks away the sudden moisture in his eyes.  
"Alex, god," he breathes. The heart break is so evident in Alex's voice. He barely spares time to scribble a note for his mom, before heading out of the front door. The air is freezing cold, and he gasps at the sudden sensation of it on his face.  
"You, you're so good, Matt," Alex says in a shaky voice. You're beautiful, and for some reason, you want me. Me! Why is it so wrong that I want you, too? Why can't I have you?"  
"Calm down Alex, okay?" Matt says as he breaks into a jog. It's only about four blocks to Alex's house, but it could be miles as far as Matt is concerned. "I'll be right there."  
"I just don't understand someone like you could be bad," Alex says, his voice thick with tears. They're wrong. You're not bad, okay? I'm not either."  
"Neither of us are, okay?" Matt replies. He sighs in relief as Alex's house comes into view. "Can you please open the front door for me?"   
Alex lets out a little confused noise, and Matt turns up the walkway just in time to see the front door start to open. He hangs up his phone, and sticks it in his pocket as he jumps up onto the porch. Alex looks up at him, eyes red rimmed, and wet. He looks so broken that Matt wraps his arms around him without hesitation. It's the first time he's touched Alex like this; the first time he's had him in his arms. Alex drops his cellphone, and clutches Matt's shoulders, burying his face in Matt's neck. He lets out a tiny, broken sob, and tears leak out of Matt's eyes as well. He cups the back of Alex's head with one hand, and keeps the other arm around his waist, shuffling them into the house before he reaches back and shut the door.  
"I'm sorry," Alex sniffles, as he slicks Matt's neck with his tears. Matt just hold him tighter, and threads his fingers through the soft hairs at the base of Alex's neck.  
"Hey," he whispers in Alex's ear. "You don't have to be sorry with me, remember?"  
"I just, I can't do this anymore," Alex cries, and Matt shushes him.  
"You need some sleep," Matt tells him, before pulling back to take Alex's hand. Alex looks down at their interlocked fingers, and then back up at his face, giving him a tiny, watery smile. "There we go. Gorgeous."  
He brings his free hand up to wipe away tears from Alex's cheeks before leading them up the stairs. They trudge up them silently, and Alex keeps a death grip on his hand the entire time. Alex leads them into a room with plain white walls, and ordinary bedding. There is no imagination in this room. No pictures on the wall. Nothing thrown across the floor. Matt would feel so stifled if he lived in here. Matt pulls the covers back from the bed, and kicks off his shoes before climbing in. He pulls Alex down with him, curling his arms around, and tucking Alex's head under his chin. Alex stiffens, but Matt just shushes him as he cradles the back of his head in one hand. Alex lets out a shuddering breath, and relaxes, sagging against Matt. His wet eyelashes brush Matt's neck as he squeezes his eyes shut, and Matt feels a tear slip down his own cheek.   
Alex doesn't deserve this. He's one of he greatest people Matt has ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he shouldn't have to deal with this mess of confusion and pain. He should be happy. Matt cards his fingers through Alex's hair, and rubs his back, letting Alex cry silently into his neck. Alex shifts, and his bottom lip catches on Matt's neck, soft and full.  
"I like you," Alex whispers. His voice tiny and breathless in Matt's ear. "I like you so much it scares me."  
Matt doesn't know what to say. Of course he feels the same. He likes Alex so strongly. It's an attraction and infatuation so quick and sudden, it takes Matt's breath away. He's wanted to hear those words from Alex for a long time, but it shouldn't be so painful.  
"I like you too, Alex," Matt whispers, rolling his lips into his mouth, and biting down. The urge to kiss Alex's forehead is almost impossible to resist. Alex lets out a tiny sob, and Matt squeezes his eyes shit, holding him tighter. His face is burning hot against Matt's neck, and he can smell the alcohol on his breath. "Just go to sleep, and we can talk about this in the morning, okay?"  
"Why is it so bad to want you?" Alex asks, completely ignoring Matt's suggestion. "You're so beautiful, Matt. You care so much. And sometimes..." He cuts himself off, and Matt thinks maybe he finally fell asleep, but instead Alex shifts his weight. He cranes his head back, and presses a sloppy kiss to Matt's jaw.  
He freezes, and his eyes snap open as Alex leans over him. His intent is obvious. Matt turns his head at the last minute, and Alex catches his cheek instead of his mouth, full lips pressing against his skin. Alex lets out a soft little noise, something pained. He pulls away from Matt, sitting up, and cutting off all contact.  
"I-I'm sorry. I thought, oh god. I'm SO stupid." Alex whimpers out, and Matt shakes his head.  
"No," Matt says insistently. He sits up, and shifts around until he's positioned in front of Alex. He has his eyes squeezed shit, and his face is read and glistening with tears. "Alex, look at me." When he doesn't, Matt cups his cheek, thumb sweeping under one eyes softly until damp lashes flutter open. He looks ashamed, and Matt scoots closer. "Alex, you have no idea how badly I was to kiss you," he says. His hand slides down so his thumb can just barely trace the plump lip. "I've thought about it so many times. But Lex, it can't be like this." Alex just stares at him, eyes wide and feverish. Matt licks his lips, and places a shaky hand on Alex's knee. He leans in closer, so close their foreheads nearly touch. "I want you to kiss me when you're smiling," Matt says shakily. He sucks in a breath, and looks into Alex's haunted green eyes. "I want you to kiss me when I make you laugh. It should be something amazing, something that comes from some fun, spontaneous moment, and I want it to be because you're happy, not because you're confused and upset, okay?"  
"I don't know if I'll be able to," Alex admits in a choked voice. Matt reaches up to put his hands on Alex's cheeks, pressing their forehead together. His vision blurs slightly from the close proximity, but he doesn't dare to close his eyes, and he's relieved to see that Alex doesn't either.  
"I'll wait for you," Matt replies, voice rough, and thick with emotion. Alex lets out a tiny sob, and reaches up to wrap his fingers around Matt's wrists. "I will wait as long as it takes, because I, well, I really care about you, Lex. I've never felt for anyone the way I feel for you."  
"Neither have I," Alex admits. Matt rubs their noses together, something soft and silly. He lets out a sigh, and strokes his thumb across Alex's cheek.  
"I'm sorry I showed up, and started screwing up your life, Lex," Matt says, and he means that. He can't help but thinking that if he hadn't run up to Alex that day in the cafeteria like some overeager puppy, Alex would be fine right now. Still hiding himself, still unhappy, but maybe he wouldn't be crying, all turn up and twisted and wrecked.  
"Don't ever apologize for that," Alex says, suddenly stern. He squeezes Matt's wrists tightly, and stares right into Matt's eyes. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I...I think you're saving me, Matt. You can't leave now."  
"I won't," Matt says adamantly. "I'm here. I'm not leaving until you tell me to. Until you don't need me anymore."  
"Well," Alex sniffs. "I hope you're prepared to stick around."   
Matt laughs then, small and shaky, and this time, he just can't help but to press a tiny kiss to Alex's forehead. Alex sighs, and it's almost a happy sound.  
************************************************************************  
When Alex wakes up in the morning, it takes him a minute to understand exactly what's going on. Someone clearly stomped on his skull. After stuffing his mouth with ash, obviously. And maybe kicking him in the stomach. So, this is a hangover. That doesn't really explain the hot, heavy weight pressed up against his back. Alex opens his eyes slowly, and yawns so hugely his jaw cracks. Whatever it is, it's warm and snuggly and protects him from the early morning chill seeping through the windows. He presses back against the heat, and sighs deeply. Alex blinks, and looks down. His eyes widen when he spots a light skinned hand resting on his stomach. His lungs sort of stop working, and he turns his head slightly until he can feel Matt's silky hair against his cheek.  
"Oh g-god," Alex moans, scrambling off of the bed. He gets dizzy, and staggers over to his bathroom door to clutch the frame for support. He slaps his hand over his eyes, and safs against the wall. "Oh, god!"  
"Mmm," Matt sighs. He squirms, and stretches out his arms and legs. His tee shirt rides up, and Alex can see the light expanse of his back, skin so soft and warm looking.   
A boy slept in his bed. He slept with a boy in his parent's house. He isn't sure how to process that. Matt rolls onto his side, and opens his eyes, sleepy gaze landing on Alex. He shrinks back against the way, and his hands slide into his hair. Matt sits up, and bites down on his lip, and holds up his hands.   
"Don't freak out," Matt says obstinately as he swings his legs over the side of the bed. "You're not going to freak out, right?"  
"Um," Alex says. He sort of blinks a few times to stall. "Can I get back to you on that?"  
"No," Matt gets off of the bed, and comes to stand in front of Alex. He tentatively reaches out to touch Alex's cheek, the soft pad of his thumb swiping underneath his puffy eye. "You remember everything from last night, right?" Alex nods, and his cheeks flush with embarrassment. Matt just smiles and tugs playfully on Alex's earlobe. "Good. So we're on the same page," Matt says, cupping Alex's cheek again, before dropping his hands. He puts them on his hips, and looks around Alex's sparse room thoughtfully before finally shaking his head. "Yeah, this isn't gonna work for me. Wash your face, brush your teeth, and meet me downstairs."  
"Huh?" Alex replies. His skin tingles from Matt's gentle touch. "Why?"  
"We're going to my house," Matt tells him. Alex raises an eyebrow. "Because your house is sort of like, immensely stifling. And I want to cure your wicked hangover."  
"How'd you know I have a hangover?" Alex asks as he rubs his temples. Matt just smirks, and lets out a low chuckle.  
"I'm best friends with Chance," he says. "I know a hangover when I see one. Now seriously, I want you downstairs in ten minutes."  
"Uh, okay," Alex nods slightly, and turns towards his bathroom. Matt smiles, and heads for the door.  
"And don't change out of your pajamas!" Matt calls over his shoulder. "We're not doing crap all day, and I want you comfy!"  
Alex snorts, and shuts his bathroom door after flipping on the light. He grips the edge of the counter, and stares at himself in the mirror. He looks pretty horrible; pale skin, bloodshot eyes, and cracked lips. He washes his face, and brushes his teeth, hissing when he takes a swig of mouthwash, and it stings his lip. He relieves his bladder, washes his hands, and takes a deep breath before heading downstairs. Matt's back is to him when he reaches the dining-room. He's got one arm crossed against his chest, and the other is holding a glass of water. He's staring at the painting of the Last Supper hanging over the dining-room table. His mother is just classy like that.  
"Oh hey," Matt says, turning around and holding out the glass. "Drink this, and take these." He drops two tylenol into Alex's hand. He assumes Matt found them in the cabinet next to the fridge. He takes the pills, and chugs the water even though it hurts his stomach. When he's done, he sets the glass on the counter, and not in the sink like he's supposed to. "Ready to get out of here?" Matt asks him, and Alex nods so hard it hurts his head.  
"Yes," he breathes. He's not even surprised by how much he means it.   
They walk to Matt's house in relative silence, Alex all wrapped up in the sweatshirt Matt gave him. It's freezing, but Matt looks perfectly content in his light jacket and flip flops, hand stuffed in the pockets of his flannel pants. The pants are actually pink with cupcakes on them, and Alex doesn't know how he didn't notice that last night. It sort of terrifies him, and makes him want to laugh at the same time. It's still the quiet time of the morning. There's still dew on the plants, and the birds are still chirping. Dedicated joggers are out with their dogs, and wearing expensive shoes. They've all got headphones on, and none of them pay any attention to the two teenagers walking down the street, even if one of them is wearing hot pink flannel pants covered in cupcakes topped with cherries.   
Matt's house is a small one story tucked at the back of a cul-de-sac. It has a sagging porch, and there are brown spots littering the front yard. Matt unlocks the door, and ushers Alex in. He walks inside slowly, and looks around with slight anxiety. He's never been to Matt's house before. The furniture looks old and used; sofa slumped slightly in the middle. There are dishes in the sink, and Alex is nearly knocked down by two giant dogs. Once the initial shock wears off, he bends over to greet them, just enthusiastically as they greeted him.  
"Hey guys!" Alex chirps. He laughs when the bigger dog licks his face. He looks up to see Matt watching him fondly, hair falling in his face. "What?" Alex asks, as his fingers dig in the dogs' fur. The slightly small one nudges his thigh, and he pets her as well.  
"They like you," Matt says softly, reaching up to tuck his hair behind one ear. "Knew they would. They're excellent judges of character."  
"What's their names?" Alex asks. He stands upright again as the dogs appear to lose interest in the new arrival, and wonder back towards their beds.   
"The big one is Mash," Matt tells him. "And Sofi is my baby girl." Alex nods, before looking around the room again.  
"I like your house," he says. He glances over at Matt to see him appraising his home with critical eyes, seemingly cataloging every imperfection. He finally shrugs.  
"Meh, it's a dump," Matt says as he scratches the back of his head. "But it's home."  
"No, it's..." Alex trails off as he looks around the living room again.. There's color on the walls, pictures of people smiling and laughing. There are stacks of DVDs everywhere, and a dirty cereal bowl and spoon on the coffee table, surrounded by magazines and books. "It's great."  
"Thanks," Matt says. "Go plop on the couch while I make you some breakfast."  
"Matt, you don't have to..."   
"Go!" Matt says again, pointing towards the couch, and trying to appear menacing. Alex laughs softly, and heads into the living room. He sits on the couch, and glances at the blank screen of the television. There's a sudden squeak to his left, and it makes him jump. He looks to see Sofi slobbering happily on a rubber ball, and he smiles. "Remote's on the table, Lex!" Alex looks down at the remote, and snatches it, powering on the television, and sinking back against the cushions. He flips through the channels, and then turns on the guide. His eyes widen when he sees the time.  
"I'm supposed to be at church right now," Alex says, mostly to himself.  
"Oh yeah?" Matt asks. He flops down onto the couch next to Alex. The sudden movement startles him, and he jumps slightly. For someone so loud, Matt sure moves quietly.  
"Yeah," he says as he fumbles with the tie of his pajama pants. It feels sort of weird not being at church on a Sunday morning, but at the same time, it's a massive relief. It's not exactly his favorite part of the week. "I take it you don't go to church?"  
"Nah," Matt says flippantly. "Last time I tried, my skin started burning as soon as I walked through the door." Alex snorts at the inappropriate joke. Then he thinks of what his mother's face would look like, and he wants to laugh even harder. "No," Matt says quietly, brows furrowing as he looks down at his lap. "We used to go when I was a kid. But after my dad died, my mom sort of stopped going. I guess it didn't mean the same to her, you know? She lost her faith, I think."  
"Oh Matt," Alex reaches out to put his hand on Matt's knee without really thinking about it. "I'm sorry, I didn't, how old were you?"  
"Five," Matt says, squirming a little. "I don't really...How do you like your eggs?"  
"Eggs?" Alex asks, confused. Matt nods as he points towards the kitchen Alex blinks, and sits back against the couch. "Oh. Scrambled, I guess," Alex says, and Matt nods as he takes off into the kitchen. Alex shakes his head, and watches Sofi tear into her ball.  
"Sofi, give it a rest!" Matt calls from the kitchen. All's quiet for a moment, and then another loud squeak penetrates the silence. "Sofi!" Sofi spits out the ball, and it rolls across the floor. She huffs, and flops back down on her bed. Alex laughs. Matt comes out of the kitchen a few minutes later carrying two mismatching plates, one in each hand. He has a carton of orange juice tucked under one arm, and two plastic party cups in his teeth.  
"I would've helped you Matt!" Alex gets up, and takes the plates from Matt's hands. He sets them down on the coffee table, and Matt sets down the orange juice and cups.   
"Voila!" Matt shouts, waving a hand over the food with a flourish. "We have waffles, scrambled eggs, with cheese, you like cheese, right? And fresh strawberries. Now tell me I'm awesome!"  
"You're awesome," Alex laughs, and Matt winks at him. He pours out two glasses of juice, and flops down on the couch.  
"I know. You don't have to tell me."  
"You just..." Alex protests, rolling his eyes, when Matt winks again.  
"Eat your breakfast," Matt says as he snatches the remote. "I'm gonna out on a movie." Matt rifles through a stack of DVDs on the coffee table, and finally decides on one, holding it up for Alex to see. "I'm assuming you've never seen Empire Records?"  
"You'd be right," Alex replies. Matt makes a face, before stepping up on the coffee table to jump over it, and land in front of the television  
"Well, that ends here!" Matt puts the DVD in, and jumps back over the table. Alex doesn't know why he doesn't just walk around. That would probably be too easy. "Eat. No one likes soggy waffles."   
Alex grabs his plate, and sets it in his lap, squashed into one side of the couch. Matt takes his plate, and sits on the other side of the couch. That leaves an entire cushion separating them. Alex can't help but think that it's just too much space.  
************************************************************************  
It doesn't take them long to plow through their food, and by the time they're done. Alex looks a little better. His skin has some color to it, and his eyes look a little brighter.  
"Feel better?" Matt asks once Alex chugs the last of his juice, and sets the cup on the coffee table. Alex looks over at him, and smile, lips all sticky and shiny. Matt can't even describe how happy he is to have Alex here with him, nestled into the cushions of his lumpy couch.   
He'd been terrified when he woke up that morning to the sight of Alex quietly freaking out in the corner of his room, and he's pleased to see how well Alex is handling the situation. Alex is here, eating breakfast with Matt in his pajamas on a Sunday morning, all wrapped up in Matt's jacket. That alone is more than he ever dreamed of. Alex seems to be enjoying the movie, even laughing at some parts of it. Matt didn't pick Empire Records at random. He chose it because it deals with sensitive issues. Sex, drugs, and suicide to name a few, but deep down it's a movie about kids with problems that just want to be happy with who they are. It's a lesson Alex could stand to learn. Matt gets so engrossed in the movie, and he's surprised to feel cushions shift as Alex sneakily moves closer to him. His breath catches in his throat, and he tries not to move. If Alex wants any more physical contact, he's going to have to instigate it. That's been Matt's rule from the beginning. He breaks it something by putting his hand low on Alex's back when he's leading him somewhere, or curling his fingers around Alex's wrist when he's getting nervous. He broke it last night because of special circumstances. Alex was falling apart, and Matt needed to hold him together. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and all that. There's no way that Matt can deny the effect having Alex in his arms had on him. It made him dizzy, and it made him ache. He craves it so bad he can taste it, but Alex has to be the one to take that next step. He has to know Alex wants this as badly as he does, if that's even possible.  
Matt watches Alex out of the corner of his eye. It doesn't escape his attention that Alex turns his head forward every time Matt looks to the side. Alex bites down on his bottom lip, and curls his fingers into a fist. He looks at his own hand, and then over at Matt again, green eyes locking on Matt's hand resting back against his thigh. Matt wants to either laugh or cry; he isn't really sure which. Matt faces forward, and acts like he's completely unaware of Alex's actions. It's cute how subtle he thinks he's being. Alex glances up at Matt's face, and then down at his hand again. He slides his own hand across the cushion, but stops halfway before pulling it back, and furrowing his brow. Matt brings his hand up to his mouth to cover a fake yawn, before letting it fall to the cushion again, landing palm up in the middle of it. Alex looks over at it, eyes flickering from Matt's face, to his hand again, and Matt bites down on a smirk. Alex flexes his fingers a few times, before sliding his hand out to meet Matt's. His fingertips skitter across his open palm, and sends shivers down Matt's spine. He remains perfectly still as Alex tentatively traces the lines of his palm, fingertip stroking across the small sliver of a scar he got for falling out of a tree when he was eight. Alex plucks at his rubber bracelets, and traces the veins in his wrist. Matt finally spreads his fingers, still facing the television. His eyeballs sort of hurt from looking to the side for so long, but its worth it when Alex finally slips his fingers between Matt's. There's only a moment of hesitation before he squeezes slightly, and brings their palms together.   
Alex lets out a deep breath, and Matt ducks his head with a smile. He clutches Alex's hand, and rubs his thumb back and forth across the back of it. It's sort of amazing how good holding hands with someone can feel. Matt just wants to sit there forever, and let the warmth from his hand seep into Alex's cool palm. Matt doesn't say anything. He doesn't even really look at Alex because he wants to keep this casual. Holding hands shouldn't be a big deal. But it is. For Alex, it's a giant freaking leap. Matt couldn't wipe the grin off of his face if you paid him.  
************************************************************************  
Alex's heart is pounding against his rib-cage, but he did it. He's holding Matt's hand. Matt's touch affects him the same as it always has, winds him up, and calms him down at the same time, scares him and soothes him all at once. It's a strange juxataposition that does funny things to Alex's heart, and his head. Alex scoots closer during the movie, shifting until there's just enough space for their entwined hands to rest in the seam of their neighboring couch cushions. The movie ends, the credits start to roll, and Alex realizes he has no idea what happened in the second half. He was too busy concentrating on the feel of Matt's hand in his, and the fluttering butterflies in his stomach to pay attention. Matt leans forward to grab the remote, and their grip of each other breaks apart. Alex curls his fingers together into a fist, and feels his cheeks heat up. Matt presses himself back against the couch, nestled in the corner like he doesn't plan on moving for a while. He kicks his bare feet up on the coffee table, and stretches his arms along the back of the sofa. He gives Alex a quick glance, and then looks back at the TV, flipping through the channels. Alex looks up and down the expanse of Matt's side. He looks so warm, and so soft, somehow, even with a little of the muscles and bone. Alex's heart thumps against his rib-cage so hard it's a wonder Matt can't hear it. There's a choice to be made here. It scares Alex how easily he reaches a decision. Before he can think about it, Alex curls his legs underneath himself, and slide into fit against Matt's side. He swallows hard, and tucks his shoulder under Matt's arm, resting his head on Matt's shoulder, and curling in slightly to put his hand on his stomach.  
"Mmm," Matt sighs. He removes his arm around the back of the couch, and curls it around Alex's shoulders. His fingers dip under the baggy sweatshirt to rest against his bare collarbone, and Alex shivers. "You good?"   
Alex lets out a deep breath and practically melts against Matt's side. They fit together seamlessly, all their dips and curves piecing together. Matt's fingers trail softly back and forth across his collarbone, and his stomach is flat and soft underneath Alex's fingers. Alex's eyes droop, and he sighs. It feels like he's finally relaxing for the first time in years.  
"Yeah," Alex breathes. Matt lets go of the remote to tangle his fingers with Alex's on his stomach. Alex smiles, and his lips brush the collar of Matt's tee shirt. "I'm really good."  
Alex can think of a thousand reasons why he shouldn't be here. But then Matt slides his fingers up the side of Alex's neck, and around the shell of his ear, before burying his fingers in Alex's hair, and for once it's not haed to push those things to the back of his mind. Matt tries to explain the show playing on the television to him, something about a spy that got fired, but Alex isn't really paying attention. Matt's hand keeps moving. Petting at his hair, squeezing the back of his neck, and rubbing circles up and down his back. The tips of his fingers catch the hem of Alex's shirt, and brush against his bare skin before sliding back up to his hair. Alex sighs happily, close to purring as his eyes slip shut. Alex shoves his free hand in the small gap between Matt's back and the couch, settling in and squeezing Matt's hand again before falling asleep.  
************************************************************************  
Matt dozes in and out well into the afternoon, while Alex sleeps undisturbed. He's completely knocked out, nearly unconscious against Matt's chest. He sleeps like someone who rarely gets the chance to. It's almost like he's making up for the lost time. Matt doesn't disturb him, because he knows. Alex needs the rest. When his back starts to hurt, he carefully shifts them into a more prone position so he can lie down as well. He keeps one leg pressed against the back of the couch, and the other dangling off the edge. Alex just shuffles a little, tucking one of his legs between Matt's, and curling his fingers in front of Matt's shirt without waking up. Matt bites down on a grin, and wraps one arm around Alex's torso.   
The front door opens, and Matt holds a hand out and shushes the dogs sternly. They whine a little and wag their tails, but they stay put, ears perked up. His mom comes in, yawning blearily and hanging her purse up on the hook by the door. She worked the opening shift of the grocery store, and apparently it's already over. Matt hadn't realized it had gotten to be the middle of the afternoon.  
"Hey," she says. She freezes when she turns to see them on the couch. Matt holds a finger up to his lips, and she nods, silently tiptoeing around the back of the couch until she's standing over Matt's head. Matt mouths Alex, and Sherry rolls her eyes, and whispers, "no, really?" Sarcasm is in her tone, even if she was quiet. Then Matt remembers his panicked note, a quickly scribbled, 'Lex needs me. Have my phone,' before running out of the door the previous night. "Is he okay?" She whispers, and Matt gently cradles the back of his head. He ponders the question for a moment, and looks back up at her.  
"He will be," he answers as quietly as he can. Sherry smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear."  
"Can I meet him?" She asks as she looks curiously at the boy all wrapped up in her son's arms. Matt bites his lip, and slides his hands down Alex's back slowly. Sofi ends up making the decision for him when she finally lets out a sharp yip, when she doesn't get the attention she feels she deserves.   
Alex shifts slightly, and then stiffens, looking up at Matt with wide eyes. He uncurls his hand from Matt's shirt, and places it flat against his chest. Then his eyes finally drift over to Sherry, and he scrambles into a sitting position. He looks from Matt to his mother and back with a terrified expression. So much for being relaxed.  
"Hi Alex," Sherry says warmly, smiling widely at him. "Wow you're gorgeous as Matt said you were. Didn't think that'd be possible, the way he goes on." Alex's cheeks flush bright red, and he blinks. Matt huffs a sigh, and sits up, glaring at his mother.  
"Oh wow," Matt breathes. "Embarrassment right off the bat. Thanks bunches."  
"It's my job, kid," Sherry says, playfully tapping him on the back of his head. "Should be used to it by now."  
"You'd think," Matt mumbles. "Alex, this is my mom, Sherry. Mom, this is Alex."  
"It's nice to finally meet you," Sherry says with a friendly smile, voice full of warmth. Alex blinks again. He looks sleepy, confused, and scared. Sherry's smile falters when Alex doesn't reply, and she looks at Matt with wonder before pointing her faze at Alex again. He finally snaps out of it, clearing his throat, and smiling shakily, but polite.  
"H-hello," he says softly. He raises his head to shyly meet her gaze. "It's good to meet you, Mrs. Johnson."  
"Oh no." She laughs and shakes her head. "None of that. It's Sherry, kid. Anything else makes me feel old. And I'm not old, am I?" She nudges Matt's shoulders, and he smirks as he rolls his eyes.  
"No Ma'am." She smack him again. Matt sighs exasperatedly.   
"Smarty pants," she says fondly, and Matt laughs. Alex watches their exchange with wide eyes, like he had no idea mothers and sons actually joked around with each other. He keeps looking at Matt like he's waiting for him to get punished, and Matt's smile fades a little. "Are you staying for dinner Alex?" Sherry asks, clapping her hands together. "We have some...left over Chinese? Or...oh! We could order a pizza!"  
"I find it hilarious that you work at a supermarket, and there are no groceries in the house," Matt tells her. She puts her hand over his mouth, and digs her fingertips into his cheeks. Matt goes fish-face and flails, smacking her arm away from his face.  
"I'd really like to," Alex says. He bites his bottom lip, and gives them a sad smile. "But I should probably go home. But thank you Mrs....Sherry."  
"Are you sure, sweetheart?" Sherry asks. Alex looks up at the pet name, eyes going glassy. "We'd love to have you."  
"N-no, I should really go," he gets out. Sherry nods, and Alex looks over at Matt, opening his mouth and then snapping it shut again. Matt gives his mom a meaningful look, and she jumps a little, like she's just realizing she might be intruding.   
"Okay, Alex," she says. "It was nice meeting you. Don't be a stranger, okay? Our door is always open for you. Now, I am going to go clean up." She leans over the back of the sofa, and kisses the top of Matt's head. He scrunches his nose, and then she leans over, and presses a quick kiss to the top of Alex's head as well. He looks surprised, blinking and looking up at her with an awed expression. "Be good kids," she whistles as she leaves the room and disappears down the hall.  
Matt waits until he hears her door shut, loudly because the woman is anything less then subtle, and he looks back over at Alex. He's biting down on his lip so hard, Matt winces in sympathy.   
"She's..." Alex says, trailing off, and looking towards the hall. Matt raises an eyebrow.  
"Weird?" Matt suggests. "Or quirky. She gets quirky a lot. It can't be funny, no matter how much she thinks she is."  
"Amazing," Alex says, looking at Matt again. "You should be thankful."  
"I am," Matt replies seriously. Alex's tone wipes the smile from his face. "I was joking. My mom, well, there's no one better than her, you know?"  
A bitter smirk mars Alex's face for a moment, before he rolls his lips in his mouth, swallowing hard as he finally stands up. Matt gets up too, shaking out his still numb left leg. Alex runs his fingers through his hair, and wipes the back of his hand against his mouth. He looked around the room like he's trying to memorize it, like he might not ever see it again.  
"I'll walk you home," Matt offers. Alex shakes his head.  
"No, that's okay," he replies, shrugging one shoulder. "I don't know if they're back yet."  
"Alright," Matt relents. He doesn't push the issue. He walks Alex to the door, and reaches out to snag his wrist between his thumb and forefinger. "Hey, you know you're welcome over here anytime, right?"  
"Thanks," Alex says, nodding a little before looking up to meet Matt's eyes. Matt can't look away, not even if he wanted to. "For, you know, everything."   
Matt contemplates brushing it off or shrugging his shoulders and saying it's no big deal. Except it is. So, instead, he curls his hand more firmly around Alex's wrist, thumb swiping across his palm. Alex squeezes the digit, and Matt smiles.  
"Your welcome," Matt replies. "See you tomorrow?" Alex nods and Matt takes the chance, lifting the arm Alex isn't touching in a slight invitation.   
Alex smiles, and his eyes goes glassy as he steps into Matt's embrace. He doesn't hug back, just squeezes Matt's thumb in a death grip, and buries his face in Matt's neck. Matt swallows thickly as he wraps an arm around Alex's shoulders, and hugs him tight against his chest for a long moment. The end of Matt's nose skims the shell of Alex's ear, and he presses a tiny, barely there kiss to the tip of it. He feels Alex shudder, and figures it's time to pull away. They share another long look, and then Alex turns to leave. He shuts the door behind him, and Matt presses his forehead against it, fighting the sudden urge to cry. It feels like sending Alex off the battle, sending him somewhere Matt can't do anything to protect him.   
Matt stands there for a while with his forehead pressed against the cool wood of his front door. Mash comes over to him, and whines as he presses his cold, wet nose into Matt's palm. A gentle hand presses between his shoulder-blades, and Matt opens his eye. He turns around and looks at his mom with a pained expression. Her eyes crinkle just slightly at the corners as she watches him, and Matt buries his face in her shoulder.  
"He'll find his way," she says, wrapping her around around him, and rubbing his back. He has to crouch to let her hug him like this, and for a moment, he fiercely misses being a little boy. "He'll be okay."  
"How do you know?" Matt asks miserably. His mom presses a kiss to the side of his head.  
"He has you."  
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Alex gets a little sadder with every step he takes that brings him closer to home, because Matt's house feels more like home than his house ever had. And that's depressing. A little scary too. Like he's been feeling so often lately, he isn't sure what to make of everything that's happened in the last twenty-four hours. All he knows is that being in Matt's arms felt right, better than anything has ever felt before. Too bad it's apparently all wrong. Alex shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose, huffing out an angry sigh. He rounds the corner onto his street and stumbles to a halt when he sees the lights on through the window. Alex is suddenly nervous. Like they'll be able to look at him and just know what he's been up to, like his overwhelming affection and desire for this boy will be written in neon letter all over his blushing face. He's afraid they'll look at him and see the hearts in his eyes. Alex walks into the house slowly, with his head hanging low and his shoulders drooping like a heavy weight has been laid across his back. His parents are in the living room, still dressed in their church clothes while Alex is in his ratty pajamas for a two days.   
"Alexander," his father says, looking sternly at him. Golf is playing on the television, and a bible is open on the pristine coffee table. Alex tears his eyes away from it, equal parts annoyed and ashamed. "Where have you been? We've been calling you."  
"Oh," Alex says. He pats the pockets of Matt's hoodie and then his pants and comes up empty. His eyes widen and he glances under the table in the froyer, where his phone is skittered to when he dropped it the night before. The battery must've died. He leaves it there. "I went to the library to read up on my paper. I must've forgot my phone."  
"You went to the library looking like that?" His mother sneers as she looks him up and down. "We don't pay for your phone so can leave it when you go out, you know?"  
"I know," Alex says with eyes trained on his shoes. "I'm sorry." They quiet down after that, losing interest in him now that they're exhausted their reasons to be mad at him. Alex takes the opportunity to flee and scurries up the stairs two at a time.  
He shuts his door and heads into the bathroom. It takes only a second for his chest to get tight, breath hitching as he undresses and climbs into the shower. He makes the water as hot as he can stand it and lets it burn his skin as he grips the sides of his head. He's just, he's feeling too much. It's devastatingly overwhelming and he doesn't know how to handle it. He tries to pin down exactly what it is that he's feeling, but it's impossible. It's like he's trying to catch smoke.   
First, there's happiness. Matt is amazing, and the way Alex's heart expands and constricts when he's in the same room as him is like nothing he's ever felt before. The pure elation he feels when Matt touches him, when the pads of his fingers and the thin of his lips brush hesitantly across his skin, is something he never thought he could feel. There's still that little voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like his mother's screaming that what he's doing is disgusting. It's a sin, wanting to be with Matt like that, letting Matt touch him. He should be ashamed of himself. He should feel guilty for going against everything his parents have ever taught him. And he's sad that he has to be at war with himself and doubt something that makes him happy for the first time in his life just because of something he isn't even sure he believes in. Then there's anger. Why should he be ashamed of what he feels for Matt? Why should he disavow something so all encompassing and intense that it takes his breath away day after day?  
His heart pounds when he sees Matt's face and his knees go weak when Matt smiles. Matt makes him feel like he's worth something, like maybe he's special, and that's wrong? So he's happy, but he ashamed of it. He's sad that he's ashamed, and angry that he's sad. That's when Alex starts to cry. Harsh, hiccuping sobs escape his lips with a sudden force that shocks him, and he leans back against the wall of the shower, and buries his face in his hands. It's too much. He can't deal with this. He can't handle so many conflicting emotions warring inside of him. It's tearing him apart. Sure, Alex's been sad for a long time. This thing with Matt has been eating him up inside, and he's keeping secrets for years, but he's never let himself cry. Not like this. But he can't take it anymore. He cries until he exhausts himself, until he feels raw and hollowed out and the water is running cold against his skin. Being happy shouldn't be so hard. Finding the missing piece of your heart shouldn't make it feel like it's breaking. The soft touch of reverent hands on trembling skin shouldn't feel like drowning. But it does.


	4. Chapter 4

Matt is a little nervous when he walks into first period on Monday morning. He isn't sure what Alex's reaction to their weekend will be like now that it's over, and they're back to the daily grind. Alex is floundering and it's difficult to predict what he'll do next. Matt takes his usual seat in the back, and slings his bag over the empty desk next to him. Alex trudges in moments later, and even across the room Matt can see how tired he looks. After all the sleep he got the day before, that doesn't bode well. Alex drops down into his desk when Matt pulls the bag off of it, and he sighs, resting his chin in his hand, and looking over at Matt. He offers a tiny smile, green eyes apprehensive as he looks Matt over.  
"Hey," Matt says smiling at him, and giving him a dorky little wave. Alex gives him a flicker of another smile, and then the bell rings, and Mrs. Chandler starts writing something on the board, and Alex's hand drifts towards the corner of his desk.   
It's a favlovian response Matt is pretty sure he isn't even aware of. Matt stomach's flutters as he leans over to reach into the front pocket of his bag, fingers closing around the candy there. He takes a deep breath before sitting up again and setting the candy on the corner of Alex's desk, same as every morning. Alex's fingers close around it instinctively, eyes on the white board as he brings his hands together to unwrap it. Matt swallows and fears his gesture will go unnoticed. But then Alex looks down and furrows his brow when he notices the glittery pink wrapper. Every single morning since they started sharing this class over a month ago, Matt has given Alex a Hershey's Kiss. It was a gesture of friendship, a happy routine for Alex to settle into. But now, for the first time, it's a Hershey's Heart that rests in Alex's open palm. Alex looks down at the candy, and then over at Matt, eyes widening and cheeks flushing pink. Matt just smiles hopefully, and gives a slight nod, gesturing for Alex to go ahead and eat it. Alex bites down on his lip, and stares at the heart in his hands as his eyes glisten slightly.   
Matt knows Alex understands what he's trying to say. Since the very beginning, Amt has offered to be Alex's friend. But now, now he's offering to be more. He's offering to be whatever Alex wants, and all he has to do is reach out and take it. Half way through class, Alex slowly unwraps the chocolate and puts it in his mouth. He spends the rest of the period idly flattening the piece of foil with his fingernail, brows furrowed thoughtfully. When the bell rings, Alex looks over at Matt for a moment, before slipping the foil in his pocket, and heads out the door.  
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Matt doesn't know what to make of it. He has trouble paying attention in his next couple of classes. He manages to catch a basketball to the face in Gym due to spacing out, and then eats nearly his entire bag of hearts in his Government class. He subsequently has a stomachache all the way through Spanish, and then it's time for lunch. He tries to remain optimistic as he walks towards Alex's trig class. It's on the way to the cafeteria and they've been meeting there since they started having lunch regularly. Class seems to have been let out late, because students start bursting out the door just as Matt is walking up. Bella is leading the way, and she flips her hair over her shoulder and tosses Matt a silly wink when she sees him. Matt breaks out of his funk long enough to blow her a kiss, their same old routine. He's known her since first grade, and she was just awesome, and crazy then as she is now. Alex is one of the last few stragglers to leave the classroom. He has his head bowed, and his hands stuffed in his pockets.  
"Hey," Matt says, as he walks up to him. "Ready for lunch?"  
"Uh," Alex says, clearing his throat and looking to the left. "I'm not really hungry? I was going to, um, go to the library and work on a project." Matt smiles sadly. This he was expecting, He gestures a little father up the hall, coaxing Alex out of earshot of students milling around the classroom door. Matt leans in slightly, close enough that only Alex can hear him, but far enough away that they don't look like anything more than two friends talking.  
"Lex," Matt meets Alex's nervous gaze before continuing. "What happened over the weekend was a big deal okay? I completely understand if you need sometime alone to process or whatever. Just tell me that. You know you can always be honest with me, right? I'm not going to get mad if you tell me what you're thinking, no matter what the thought may be." Alex stares at him for a long time, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide open.  
"How do you always know exactly what I'm thinking?"   
"Because," Matt says with a casual shrug. "You're not alone in this." When Alex just looks at him apprehensively, Matt gives him a reassuring smile and continues. "Lex, it's fine. Go to the library if you want. I have a stomachache, so I'm not hungry, and it's sort of warm outside, so I'm probably just going to do outside and find a sunny spot to bask in."  
"Why does your stomach hurt?" Alex asks. His concern for Matt seems to outweigh his apprehensiveness, and Matt smiles as he pats his stomach.  
"I may have eaten like, half a pound of candy," Matt says sheepishly, and Alex smirks. "That's not important. Are you going to the library?"  
"Well, I'm not now," Alex says with a roll of his eyes. "If I stupidly try to avoid you because I'm scared when toy know I'm stupidly trying to avoid you, I'd feel like a jackass; in top of it being completely pointless." The response is so unexpected and honest that Matt cracks up and has to lean against the lockers for support. Alex blushes, and smiles sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. "Now, I believe you mentioned basking in the sun?" Alex catches Matt's eye and Matt smirks fondly. "I think I can handle basking."  
Matt grins and flicks his hair out of his face, before leading Alex towards the back of the campus. He happens to know that the baseball field is being used for practice, but the girl's softball field at the back of campus is totally empty. Matt wordlessly heads out to the middle of the outfield where the sun is the warmest and brightest, and flops down onto his back. He makes a big show of his basking by spreading out all his limbs, and tipping his face up towards the sun. Alex snorts, and sits down next to him, resting his elbows on his best knees. They're all alone out here, and Matt reaches up to grab the back of Alex's shirt and pulls. Alex flops down next to him, and looks over at Matt, squinting against the sun. Matt smiles, closing his eyes, and relaxing into the short cut grass. Minutes later he feels Alex's hand slide over the top of his. He squeezes for a moment before he curls his pinkie finger around Matt's. It makes him feel warmer than the sun.  
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The weeks gets better after that. Alex feels a lot better after his little mental breakdown. Everything was bottled up to the point of festering and now that he's let it all out, he feels like he can breathe again. He had formulated a plan; he was going to take some time to himself now that he could think a little more clearly and really examine the myraid of emotions rushing through him at break knock speed. He decided to avoid Matt for a little while because he was afraid seeing him would make him forget all about his plan. That's pretty much exactly what happened. But rather than winding him up again, Matt is a relaxing presence at his side. Laying silently next to Matt in the grass gave him time to really try and get his thoughts in order. So for now, Alex is trying something new. He is going to try to do things that make him happy. It's a crazy concept, but he's going to give it a shot. Every morning Matt gives him a Hershey's Heart and every morning Alex eats it without a word. He flattens the wrappers into perfect foil squares with his nail and puts them in his binder. Those tiny pieces of foil means a lot to him. And sure, it scares him. But more importantly, it makes him smile. He's thinking about it, but he isn't quite ready. Not yet.   
On Wednesday, Matt has some sort of student council related emergency to take care of during lunch. Instead of hiding in the library, Alex takes a deep breath, and drops down at the table with Chance, Mazi, Nicki, and Nate. Turns out he doesn't actually need Matt to sit there. They all like Alex well enough on his own, and Alex breathes a little easier. He even throws a tater tot at Chance. On Thursday Matt offers to help paint the backdrops for the Spring Musical, and Alex decides to volunteer his assistance as well. Mazi paints a rainbow on Matt's forehead and a red heart on Alex's cheek, and when Chance trips over a paint roller, strategically placed there by Nate, and falls off the stage, Alex laughs harder than he ever has in his entire life. He's trying something new at home too, ignoring his parents whenever they speak. They make their digs, their little comments and side remarks, and Alex does his best to let them roll off like water on a duck's back. He's tried numerous times in the past and has always failed. This time, he's pretty sure the difference is that he actually has something to look forward to.   
It's Friday and Alex has five little squares in his binder. It's the last period of the day and Alex is actually looking forward to the bell ringing. He's supposed to go to the movies with Matt and the rest of the group. He's never really had an official outing like that. He could be upset about that, seventeen years old and no experience just hanging out, but he's not. Going to the movies with Matt and his friends seems like a good place to start. Ten minutes into his Computer Studies class their teacher seems to give up for the day. He decides it a free period and retreats to his desk. Alex hears someone mentioning heading over to the Photo Lab and he perks up. Matt has Photo last period. Alex deliberates for a moment, rolling his lips into his mouth, and scrunching up his nose. He finally decides that hey, he's supposed to be doing things that he wants to do, and right now, he wants to see Matt. He gets a pass to Photo with the few other students, and heads out the door with a yellow pass in hand. Photo is the class to take, according to Matt and half of the student body. Mr. Wagner is apparently the coolest teacher ever put on this Earth. He doesn't really care what anyone does, or who mills in or out of the classroom as long as he's not teaching a lesson.  
Sure enough, when Alex and the other students walk into the giant lab, everyone is just sitting around, talking. Mr. Wagner is no where to be found. Alex is sad he never got to take Photo. He finally spots Matt across the room. He's sitting on a stool and talking animatedly to a tiny blond girl with pretty blue eyes. Alex shyly approaches, clearing his throat and tapping Matt on the shoulder. Matt spins around and his already present grin grows wider at the sight of him.  
"Hey!" He bounces a little on his stool. "What are you doing here?"  
"Rosoff called a free period," Alex explains.  
"Have you met Bella?" Matt asked. He gestures to the small girl on the stool next to his. Alex nods at her, and slips his hands into his back pockets of his sweats.   
"Hi Alex!" She chirps brightly. Alex somehow isn't surprised that she already knows his name. Alex pulls up another stool, and climbs up on it as he pulls his bottom lip into his mouth.  
"So did you guys finally decide on a theme for prom or what?" Matt asked Bella. "Is it still like tropical, or whatever?"  
"Ugh, I swear this committee is made up of the planet's biggest assholes," Bella responds as she tucks her hair behind her ear. "Luau is out. It's apparently lame." Matt suddenly gets this gleeful look on his face and his eyes go wide as he grins mischievously.  
"But what am I supposed to do with my tiki warrior outfit?!" Matt yells. Bella slaps her hands to her face as she laughs, and peels out at Matt from his fingers.  
"High-school Musical, Matt, really?" She asks with a shake of her head. "You are like, the gayest of the gay. You are truly the Head Homo. I bow to your bejewled feet"  
Alex stiffens at that, muscles going tense. It's still sort of a shock to the system to hear Matt's sexuality talked about so openly. Without a trace of revulsion. He should be used it by now. Four out of the five people he hangs out with are gay. It's been explained to him that while Chance is technically more flamboyant than Nate, or even Matt for that matter, he is still somehow straight. This fact apparently baffles everyone.  
"You instantly know what it was from," Matt says, distracting Alex from his thoughts. "So you are just as lame."  
"It's okay for me to like High-school Musical," Bella responds, lifting her chin. "I have a vagina."  
"That's your excuse for everything!" Matt yells.   
"It's never okay to like High-school Musical," another guy says as he walks by, not even bothering to stop.  
"Oh yeah, Corey? Well it's not okay for me to like your mom so much either!" Bella yells after him. "But I can't help myself."  
"Nice!" Matt shouts, and they give each other a high five. Alex just raises an eyebrow. Amanda owns the High-school Musical DVDs, and well, to hear that Matt watches them isn't much of a shock. "So, has Jason let you into his pants yet, or what?"  
"No," Bella pouts. "Oh, but I will find the golden key to that stupid chasitity belt of his, just you wait."   
"He's probably still not over that time you beat him up and made him eat sand in fourth grade," Matt tells her. He suddenly sits up straighter, looking over Bella's head and across the room. "OOH! Darkroom's free! DIBS!" Matt hops off the stool and gathers a tray full of items from the counter. Bella waves at them and takes off after Jason. She jumps on his back, and she's such a tiny thing that he doesn't even sag under her weight. "Wanna help me develop some pictures?" Matt asks, lightly kicking the bottom of Alex's stool.  
He nods, and hops down to follow Matt towards the back of the lab. The darkroom is tucked back in an insert alcove and cut off from the rest of the classroom. Matt opens the door, and ushers Alex inside before following him in and shutting the door. The room is tiny; barely bigger than a walk-in-closet. Alex had no idea how small the space would be, and by the time he turns around he's face to face with Matt. It's cramped, warm, and intimate, and then Matt turns off the light. Alex lets out a tiny gasp as the room goes pitch black. Matt seeks out his wrist in the dark, and curls his fingers around it as he flips another switch. A soft red light fills the room and it makes Matt's skin glow a gorgeous shade of amber.  
"You ever do this before?" Matt asks. His voice is quiet like he's trying to match the size of the room. Alex swallows hard and pulls his wrist out of Matt's grasp. His heart is thumping in his chest and his throat goes dry.  
"Huh?" He squeaks out, walking backwards until his back bumps into a counter and there are a few feet between them. Alex blinks as his eyes adjust to the dim red light.   
"Used a darkroom," Matt clarifies. Alex lets out a breath and shakes his head.  
"No," he adds quickly, just in case Matt can't see him clearly.  
"It's fun," Matt tell him, stepping over to the counter and laying out his supplies."I think it's relaxing. Come here, and watch." Alex sucks his bottom lip in his mouth, his trademark nervous gesture, and steps over to Matt's side.  
He watches as Matt fills a few trays with different liquids and his eyes flicker between Matt and his hands. He looks serene bout focused as he begins. He explains bits and pieces of the process to Alex, but his words sort of go in one ear and out the other. It's hard to pay attention when he's so close to Matt like this.  
"I just found this film last week when I was cleaning my room," Matt tells him. "I don't even remember what project the pictures were supposed to be for, but I thought maybe they could go in my end of the year portfolio if they came out alright. We'll see." Matt digs a sheet of photo paper in a tray of developer and motions Alex closer. "Look," he says, and Alex watches as a black and white image of Nicki develops. She's wearing a pair of glasses Alex has never seen before and blowing a kiss at the camera.  
"It's good," Alex says softly, and Matt smiles at him. The crisp tang of the chemicals stings Alex's nose, but he's still close enough to smell Matt's cologne. It's subtle and sweet, and Alex breathes in deep. Alex's pulse is skyrocketing and he focuses on breathing in and out trying to keep calm in such close proximity to Matt.  
"We had this GSA sleepover type thing at Nicki's house a while back, probably just a few weeks before you moved here," Matt tells him in a quiet, melodic voice. He rinses the picture of Nicki and clips it on the line off to the side to dry before moving onto the next one. Al  
Alex watches as a group photo develops. There's about twenty or more people crammed into a spacious living room. Nicki, Mazi, Chance, and Nate are all squished onto the couch with Matt lying across their laps.  
"Nicki live with her super cool grandma in this huge house, so we usually have group things there." It goes on for a while. Matt developing new pictures, and explaining who is in it and what's going on, and Alex pretends that being locked in this tiny, dark room with Matt isn't equal parts terrifying, and exciting. Matt chuckles when he gets to a close up picture of Chance looking sideways at a dog nuzzling his cheek with it's wet nose. "So, you know how my dogs are total butts, right? Well, they're freaking saints when it comes to Nicki's dog. He's a Saint Bernard and his name is Cal, short for Calamity. Seriously," Matt tells him, and Alex chuckles. "So anyway, this dog is running amuck all night, knocking shit over, humping people. The works. And at one point during the night a bunch of us were in the backyard, and don't even ask why because I have no clue, and Cal comes tearing outside and runs straight for Chance. That's like one hundred pounds of pure muscle just slamming into that scrawny douchebag like a linebacker. He let out this girly scream, and flew off his feet and right into the pool."  
"Oh man," Alex laughs as he pictures the scenario in his head.  
"So, he pulls himself out of the pool and he looks like a drowned rat," Matt continues as he develops another picture of soaking wet Chance giving the camera the bird. "And it's like forty degrees outside, and he's shaking so bad he's near vibrating. Nicki's grandma heard the commotion and came downstairs and stared like, fretting over Chance. She made him get in the shower and dude, I'm pretty sure she was in there with him. Not like, in the shower, but the bathroom. Anyway, she tells him she's gonna get him something to wear, and, oh god."   
Matt slaps his hand over the table and shakes his head, as he starts a new picture. Alex gets the feeling he knows what it's going to consist of.  
"She takes his wet clothes and leaves the new ones in there, so he has no choice, right?" Matt continues, leaning over the developing tray. "So we're all waiting, and he's in the bathroom forever. He thought he'd died of hypothermia or something. But he finally comes out wearing these pink flannel pajamas covered it candy-canes and mugs of hot chocolate, and like..." He pauses to wipe his eyes and catch his breath. Alex starts laughing too. He wasn't even there, but Matt's laughter is such an infectious sound. "And like, there were little pink bows all over them and everything. And Chance's like, totally nonchalant, like if he acted like he didn't give a shit, we wouldn't say anything."  
"I'm guessing you said something?" Alex says, holding his stomach as he laughs. Matt just laughs harder and pushes the developing tray slightly towards Alex.   
The picture is of Chance posing in the pajamas pulling a model face, with one hand on his hip and the other on the back of his head. He's added cat's eyes glasses, a shower cap, and fuzzy slippers to the ensemble. Even without the color it's one of the funniest things Alex has ever seen. He laughs so hard that he has to slap his hand over his mouth, and Matt nearly doubles over as he rinses the picture, and hangs it to dry. He's sucking in huge gulps of air, struggling to breath because he's laughing that hard.   
"Oh, we all said something," Matt wheezes. "But he totally played it up and acted like Nicki's grandma all night long. He would not break character. It was amazing. But you know what the best part was?"  
"What?" Alex gasps and wipes his eyes.  
"He totally kept those pajamas," Matt tells him, and Alex snorts loudly. "And he told me they're like, the most comfortable thing he owns and he wears them to bed on cold nights."  
"Oh god," Alex moans, snickering loudly as Matt tosses his head back with a booming laugh.   
When they finally calm down, Matt wipes the tears from his eyes and pushes the tray aside, all through with the roll of film. Alex is breathing heavy and his ribs are sore from laughing. He looks over at Matt and a sudden thought occurs to him. He's happy, he's having fun, and Matt made him laugh. His eyes travel to Matt's mouth and his pulse speeds up again, hammering rapidly against his chest.  
"Next time you should totally..." Alex leans in quickly, and kiss Matt, cutting him off mid sentence.   
Alex doesn't close his eyes, choosing instead to keep them wide open, and locked on Matt's blurry face. His lips are pressed in a crooked line across the corner of Matt's mouth, soft and hesitant. He's sure he's doing it all wrong, but this clumsy kiss is better than anything he's ever experienced in his entire life. Alex finally pulls back a little, mouth going slightly slack as he pants. He swallows hard as Matt turns to face him and steps closer. Matt's eyes are wide and full of wonder and the corner of his mouth, the spot Alex just kissed, twitches up into a smile. Matt put his hand on Alex's cheek, eyes going wet and soft as he leans in. Alex meets him half way, reaching out to grab Matt's free hand and slotting their fingers together as their lips touch. Matt's lips are warm and soft when they press firmly against his own. Alex sags against Matt when his knees go weak and he wraps an arm around Matt's neck to pull himself closer. Matt slides his hand down Alex's cheek and the curve of his jaw, fingertips trailing lightly down the side of his neck before he curls his arm around Alex's waist and pulls him in tightly. Alex slaps his eyes shut as Matt angles his head slightly and kisses Alex more firmly. This should be the scariest moment of Alex's life, and it was at first, but now he just feels...peaceful. It feels like they should've been doing this all along. His heart is pounding but in a good way, and he's dizzy in a way he never felt before. It's like he was meant to press his lips against Matt's like this, to kiss him like nothing else will ever matter. Maybe nothing else ever will. Matt pulls back a little and whispers Alex's name reverently, and Alex is close enough to feel the soft gust of breath on his lips. He kisses the bridge of Alex's nose and then the spot between his eyes as Alex buries his fingers in the thick tangle of Matt's hair.  
Matt slips his hand under the back of Alex's shirt. His palm presses flat against the small of Alex's back and it makes him shiver from head to toe. He grins and Matt kisses the stretch of his lips while his other hand shakes free from Alex's grasp to rest on his cheek. His thumb swipes across Alex's chin before pulling down slightly. Alex's lips part on a breathy sigh and Matt places a soft kiss on his bottom lip before kissing them again. Alex doesn't know what he's doing so he just follows Matt's lead. Matt opens his mouth slightly and sweeps his tongue across the seam of Alex's lips. Alex squeezes his eyes shut tighter and his fingers tug at Matt's hair as he hesitantly open his mouth for Matt's questing tongue. The kiss goes a little deeper for just a moment, tongues brushing and teeth nipping before Matt pulls away completely. Alex opens his eyes to see Matt's grin, bright against the dim light of the tiny room. Alex can hardly breathe. It's like his entire life is changing before his eyes. It's like he's changing. Matt is cupping his cheek and looking at him like he's everything he's ever wanted, like he's the answer to all of his prayers, and Alex feels like he's about to burst. Matt leans in to press a kiss to the corner of Alex's eye and that's when he realizes he's nearly crying. Moisture gathers in his eyes and makes his vision blur. Alex just wraps both arms around Matt in a tight hug and buries his face in the soft curve of Matt's neck. Alex wants to stay in this moment forever. He wants to never leave this tiny dark room or Matt's arms, never wants to lose the tingly feeling just-kissed lips. But he knows that isn't possible. What he does know is that after what just happened everything is going to change. Try as he might, he just can't bring himself to care about that. He's looking forward to it.  
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Matt still has Alex in his arms, rubbing soothing circles along his back, when the bell rings. The sound of it filling into the tiny room makes them both jump slightly, and Matt pulls away from Alex regretfully, his hands trailing down Alex's arms before letting go. Alex looks up at him in the dim, romantic light. His eyes are shining with unshed tears, and Matt wants to...he doesn't even know, run up the nearest rooftop and scream like the world's biggest cliche. This is the greatest moment of his life, the most important, so he shouldn't ruin it by saying something stupid. So, he slowly just brings his hand up to Alex's chin, and curls his fingers underneath it as he presses his thumb under Alex's bottom lip. They're pink and puffy, swollen with their first ever kiss and Matt's heart flutters. Alex is staring at him. His chest is heaving with each breath and Matt leans in to press another soft, chaste kiss to his mouth. Alex makes a soft sound, something low and pleased, and Matt smiles. There's a sudden pounding at the door, and Matt and Alex spring apart. The door doesn't open and Matt knows it won't as long as the safe-light is on. That red light bulb on the outside of the door is as effective as a padlock to Photo students.  
"Guys!" Bella yells through the door. "School is over Wags says he's gonna lock you in if you don't evacuate the premises immediately."  
"Coming!" Matt yells before chuckling softly.  
He gathers the mostly dry pictures and rolls them into a canister to keep them sage from the light. He marks his name on it, and shoves it in a cubbyhole in the wall before flipping on the light. Gone is the soft amber glow, replaced with harsh fluorescent. They both blink against the sudden change and Alex fixes his hair like he just noticed it got messed up during their kiss. He gives Matt a shy but happy smile and it makes Matt feel giddy. They walk off campus with a comfortable silence. Matt is sort of worried over what Alex's reaction will be once the initial shock wears off, but he seems to be doing okay for now. Matt hopes it stays the way. Matt doesn't think he'll be able to handle it if Alex decides their kiss was a mistake. He know's they'll have to talk about it eventually but he's fine with delaying the inevitable for now, so long as Alex keeps smiling like that.  
"You're still coming tonight, right?" Matt asks. He stuff his hands in his pockets when he get the urge to tangle their hands together. It's much too soon for thoughts of holding hands in public.  
"Hm?" Alex turns his head to look at Matt. A pretty blush stains his cheeks and he ducks his head with a small smile. "Oh, the movies. Yes, I'm still going."  
"Good," Matt replies. He takes a deep breath before continuing. "Well, since it's one of my rare Fridays off from saving the world, one school committee meeting at a time, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over and hang out until we have to meet up with the guys?" Alex raises an eyebrow at him and Matt nearly slaps a hand to his face. "Not like that, any particular reason for anything." Matt blurts out. Alex chuckles slightly and gives Matt a fond smile. "Is that a yes?"  
"Sure," Alex chuckles. "I'll come over." His mom is still at work when they get to Matt's. Alex spends a good few minutes rolling around on the floor with Mash and Sofi, while Matt heats up a hot pocket as a snack.  
They meet up on the couch with their shoes kicked off and their feet up on the coffee table. Matt turns on the television and he's pleased to see that there are only a few inches of space between them.  
"Great, now you smell like dog," Matt says, making an exaggerated face. Alex looks over at him indignantly and kicks his foot.  
"Yeah well," Alex replies. You smell like a hot pocket, which I'm pretty sure doesn't even qualify as real food."  
"It fills my belly," Matt pats as he puffs out his stomach and pats it. "That's all I need."  
Alex smiles and then bites his lip. He shifts closer to Matt and leans in like he's going to tell a secret. Matt's heart stops as Alex tentatively rests his chin on Matt's shoulder, lips close to his jaw.  
"Matt, I..." He begins before clearing his throat and going a little quieter. "I'm really scared." Matt swallows hard and opens his mouth to speak, but Alex cuts him off. "But. I'm also, well, happy. You..." He huffs and lets out a little noise of frustration when he can't get out the words he wants. He sighs again, and rests his head against Matt's shoulder.   
His hand rests low on Matt's stomach and he relaxes against him. Matt lets out a breath and wraps his arm around Alex to pull him in closer. Alex makes a content sound, and cuddles against his side as his hand rubs back and forth across Matt's stomach. They spend the next few hours cuddling on the couch and letting their hands timidly explore the most innocuous parts of each other's bodies. It's peaceful and quiet. There's one dog on both sides of them and their large bodies press them even closer together. Alex is loose-limbed and sleepy, eyes drooping like he doesn't have a care in the world. Maybe he doesn't, not for right now. But this peaceful easy feeling can't last forever. He knows the shit will eventually hit the fan. There's no way it can't. Matt looks down at Alex, fingertips skittering across his temple before burying themselves in his hair. Matt presses a soft kiss to the top of Alex's head and smiles at the answering feel of Alex's hand sweeping across his stomach. Whatever happens, he'll be by Alex's side. But for now? He's just going to enjoy what they've got.  
************************************************************************  
They meet up with the rest of the group outside the movie theatre about half and hour before showtime. Chance and Nate are sitting on a bench and Nicki and Mazi are sitting on their laps, presumably in an effort to stay warm. Alex is wearing Matt's hoodies. His hands are buried deep in the pockets and he's still shivering as Matt bounces along next to him in nothing but a thermal and a tee shirt. The girls squeal and hop off of the guys' lap when they spot them. As soon as Alex steps up on the curb, they pounce on him and he tenses only slightly as their grip tightens.  
"Lexi! You came!" Nicki shouts. Alex glares playfully at Matt when he snorts at the nickname. Mazi and Nicki each kiss his cheeks, and then wipe off the sticky gloss they left behind. Alex couldn't help but laugh and hug them back.  
"Hey! I came too!" Chance says as he and Nate walk over to them. The girls pull back and they all stand in a lop-sided circle. "I even came early."  
"Don't you..." Mazi is cut off when Chance slaps his hand over her mouth. She raises an amused eyebrow, and Chance shakes his head.   
"Don't." He tells her. "It doesn't need to be said."  
"Can we go inside before my dick shrivels down to the size of Chance's sense of self worth?" Nate asks, and Chance socks him in the shoulder. Nate just throws his head back, and yells at the sky. "What the hell, California?! It's almost Spring break. Warm up!"  
They get their tickets without much incident. Matt pays for them both, but Alex insists on paying for the snacks, so they break about even. The movie they chose is near the end of it's run so the theatre is pretty much empty. Nicki and Mazi join hands and head towards the back row, and Matt and Alex follow close behind. Alex hears Chance let out a over-dramatic sigh, as they all sit down. Nicki and Mazi, Matt and Alex, and then Chance and Nate.   
"Looks like it's you and me, snowflake," Chance says exasperatedly and reaches out to snag Nate's hand. Nate looks down at their entwined fingers and then back at Chance, raising an eyebrow in question. "Well, everyone else is coupled up!"  
"Your alleged heterosexuality is astounding," Nate says, but he doesn't let go of Chance's hand. Alex glances from them over to Nicki and Mazi, noticing the way their hands are entwined as well.  
Matt's hand is slung casually over their mutual armrest and Alex wants to hold it, but he's never touched Matt that way in public before. He doesn't know if he can, even though all their friends obviously know something is going on. Alex sighs and flops back into his seat when the previews start, slurping on his pop and curling his hand into a fist. The movie is some sort of action flick with very little in the way of actual plot. Alex finds it boring immediately and it only takes half an hour for Matt to start squirming. Alex is honestly surprised he lasted that long. Matt shifts and suddenly something soft and squishy hits Alex's cheek. He blinks and looks down to see a gummy bear resting in the folds of Matt's hoodie. He looks over at Matt indignantly before picking up the candy and throwing it at his face. Matt catches it in his mouth and Alex snaps a hand over his own mouth to stifle a laugh. A few moments later, Matt starts nudging his foot, toe tapping insistently at his ankle. Alex takes a few kernals of popcorn from his bag and tosses them at Matt's face, and he retaliates by throwing an entire handful at Alex. Some of the kernals get stuck in the spikes of his hair and he shakes his head, sending them flying. Matt reaches over to pinch his side, tickling him and making him squirm. He wiggles away and grabs at Matt's arm and a small giggle slips through his tightly clenched lips.  
"Hey, do you have any freaking idea what's going on in this movie?" Chance stage whispers to Nate. "I can't hear it over the sound of Matt and Alex's gay love."   
Alex stiffens and his smile fades at Chance's words. His brief moment of panic doesn't last long, however. It ends when Matt leans over Alex to dump his remaining popcorn over Chance's head, and he lets out an indignant squawk so loud it echos throughout the theatre. Alex laughs and Matt gives him a pleased smile. They both slouch down in their chairs and Alex finds Matt's hand underneath the armrest. He slots their fingers together and squeezes. He doesn't even mind the face that Matt's hand is all greasy with popcorn butter. After the movie they all pile into Nate's SUV to go get some ice cream. All six of them squash into a semi-circle booth with Matt and Alex jammed in the middle. He and Matt share a banana split, and Chance steals their cherry, much to Matt's dismay. They're loud and obnoxious but the waitress just smile indulgently and even brings Matt a little cup of cherries when he wouldn't stop badgering Chance for eating their's. Alex can't stop laughing the entire time. They're all so funny, and somehow Alex doesn't feel like an outsider when he's with them. He feels like one of the group and it makes him even happier.   
After ice cream, Nate just sort of drives them around aimlessly. Chance sits in the passenger seat with Mazi and Nicki in the middle, and Alex and Matt occupying the very back. When Nate starts navigating his way back towards the theatre to drop them off at their cars, Matt pulls a blanket out of the back, and shrugs it over Alex. Alex looks over at him with a smile tugging at his lips as they both rest their heads back against the seat. Matt covers their heads with the blanket, shrouding them in darkness and cutting them off from everyone else in the car. He keeps his arm raised to hold the fabric above their heads. Alex blinks against the darkness and smile when Matt's face comes into view. It reminds him of the darkroom. He's full and sleepy from the ice cream; drowsy and relaxed from being in the dark car.  
"Hi," Matt says softly as his hand reaches out to rest on Alex's knee. "Did you have fun tonight?"  
"Yeah," Alex says. Before he can even think about it, he's leaning in to press their mouths together, soft and sweet. Matt lets out a low hum and presses closer, one arm holding their makeshift fort up and his other hand moving from Alex's knee to his cheek, thumb stroking back and forth as they kiss.  
Alex instinctively opens his mouth and lets Matt lick his way inside. A lazy spark ignites in his stomach as their tongues moved together. Alex curls his hands in Matt's shirt and hold him in place just in case he tries to move away. The kiss is soft and languid, mouths moving slowly as their eyes droop shut. Matt vaguely tastes of the sticky sweet cherries he ate so many off and Alex licks the flavor away until there's only Matt on his tongue. Alex can't get over how good this feels, to kiss and be kissed like this. He never wants it to stop. Moments later the car jerks to a stop and Matt pulls away, sucking a little on Alex's bottom lip before letting go. The blanket is torn away from their heads, and Alex looks up to see the girls grinning at them from over the seat, and making cute little aww noises. Alex flushes red, a little embarrassed at having been caught. But that's all, he's not scared or ashamed. Being with Matt feels far too amazing to let the bad stuff get to him.  
"Make out in your own car," Nate says with a smirk, looking at them through the rear-view mirror. Chance nods in agreement.  
"But girls?" Chance says with a sly grin. "You two feel free."  
"In your wildest dreams, Chance," Nicki says, and Mazi giggles. Matt and Alex climb out of Nate's car and get into Matt's. It's old and beat up, and Alex honestly hadn't even known he owned it until this afternoon.  
Matt had told him he prefered walking whenever he could and didn't use it too often. It's freezing inside Matt's car, and Alex instantly misses the sleepy, protective bubble of Nate's giant vehicle. Matt starts the engine and they drive home in comfortable silence with Alex dozing slightly in the passenger seat. Matt parks a few houses down from Alex's and that's when the nervousness sets in. Today has been so perfect and now it has to end? His heart beats rapidly and he shoots Matt a desperate look.  
"It'll be okay," Matt says it like he can read Alex's thoughts. "It's late and you're tired. Just go to bed, and call me tomorrow if you want. I have some errands to run but my phone will be on me all day, okay?"  
Alex nods shakily, reaching up to grab the door handle. He looks over at Matt and bites down on his lip as his mood tailspins. Matt leans in, but stops short, eyes darting in the direction of Alex's house before he pulls back. He grabs Alex's hand and squeezes it tightly.  
"I'm always around the corner," Matt tells him, looking right into Alex's eyes. Alex nods and his cheeks flush with embarrassment. He was doing so well but here he is, tearing up like a scared little boy yet again. Matt bites his lip and strokes his thumb over Alex's knuckles. His brows furrow as he looks down at their joined hands. "Here."   
Matt pulls his hand away and plucks at his rubber bracelets. There's two rainbow ones and one green one, and Matt rolls the green one off of his hand, rubber stretching as far as it would go. Alex furrows his brow as Matt holds the bracelet out with two hands and gestures towards Alex with a smile.  
"Matt?" Alex lifts his hand hesitantly.  
Matt smiles and rolls the bracelet over Alex's fingers, tucking his thumb in and rolling it down onto his wrist. Matt pats the bracelet once it's in place before grinning widely, and linking their hands again, bracelets side by side. Alex blinks rapidly and looks down at their joined hands. His heart is pounding and he's so touched. Matt is the sweetest person to ever live and Alex has no idea what he did to deserve him.  
"There," Matt says. His lips quirk up in a shy smile. "Now I'm always right here." He plucks at the bracelet on Alex's wrist, eyes going soft. "Remember that."  
"Okay," Alex says, nodding rapidly. He opens and closes his mouth as he tries to find the words to convey what he's feeling. It's near impossible. "Today, everything about today was amazing. And I, I really want to kiss you right now, but..."  
"Don't worry about it," Matt tells him while stroking his fingertips across the thin skin on the inside of Alex's wrist. He smiles and Alex finds himself falling. "I'm not going anywhere."  
"Okay, I, thanks, Matt," Alex tells him. He squeezes Matt's hand again before letting go. "Goodnight."  
"Night Lex," Matt says warmly, and Alex gives him one last smile before exiting the car. He feels weighed down with each step he takes away from Matt. It makes him uneasy, makes him remember that just because everything feels right when he's with Matt, doesn't mean it is.  
Alex trudges up his porch, sending one last glance at Matt's car before stepping inside of the house. He closes the door quietly and tiptoes towards the stairs but of course, his good luck had to run out sometime.  
"Alexander James!" His mother calls from the living room. He tenses up before slowly spinning on his heels to face her. She's on the sofa in her bathrobe, and she looks livid. "It's nearly midnight. Where in God's name have you been?"   
Alex stares at her, taking in her slightly weathered face, and chocolate brown hair. She has her nose up in the air, constantly judging, and Alex is done cowering before her. He looks down at his bracelet, the piece of Matt that will never leave him, and for once he bravely lifts his chin to meet her gaze.  
"I was out with friends," Alex tells her as he rolls his shoulders back defiantly. She looks confused for a moment, like she never even considered the possibility.  
"You can't just not come home from school and not tell us where you're going!" She shrieks. Alex resists the urge to roll his eyes.  
"You told me when we moved here that you wanted me to go out and meet people, didn't you?" Alex asks, crossing his arms over his chest, and raising an eyebrow. For the first time in his life, he feels like an actual teenager. His mother just gapes at him before finally giving a jerky nod. She opens her mouth to speak but Alex cuts her off. "Well, that's what normal kids do, Mom. They stay out until midnight, and they don't call their parents. You can't have it both ways."  
"What in Heaven's name has gotten into you," she asks, and Alex smirks at the irony of it. He shrugs and yawns exaggeratedly, stretching his arms over his head.  
"Absolutely nothing," he responds as he heads for the stairs. "I'm going to bed. Night!" He doesn't even look back to see her reaction before heading up the stairs.   
Once he shuts himself in his room, he throws himself on his bed, and grins to himself. He feels liberated and maybe a little in control for once. He stares at the thin, green ring of rubber around his pale wrist and he knows it because he has Matt with him now. Alex sleeps peacefully that night.  
************************************************************************  
The next week goes by surprisingly fast considering it's the last week before Spring break. Matt figures it has a lot to do with how busy he is. He has one final meeting regarding Day of Silence with GLSEN Jane and then he meets with the post committee to come up with something simple yet effective to spread the word. It seems like every single committee or club he's somehow involved in wants to have a meeting before Spring break. Apparently one week away from the school is going to change life as they know it. Not for the first time, Matt feels spread a little thin as he tries to make it to each and every meeting along with trying to finish all his homework and stopping to talk to every single person that pulls him aside to ask for advice. One topic in particular seems to be pretty popular, and Matt makes a mental note to tweak the GSA agenda a little bit. He wishes they could make it though a whole quarter without needing to do a safe sex recap, if only so he doesn't have to hear Chance snicker through the whole thing. The weather finally starts to agree with them. It finally starts to feel like late Spring in California, and it's awesome. Matt is just happy to bust out the cargo shorts and flip flops again. The downside to the busy week is that he doesn't get any alone time with Alex. He still sees him every morning in class, and gives him his Hershey's Heart, and they eat lunch as a group on the one day Matt doesn't have something to do in that hour, but that's pretty much it.  
Alex assures him that everything went fine after Matt dropped him off on Friday. He tells Matt that he understands that he's busy, and that he's fine, really. And he seems happy enough. But Matt wants to get him alone. He wants to know if Alex will kiss him again or if that one night was some sort of amazing fluke. No matter what he's trying to concentrate on, their kisses are at the back of his mind, burned forever into his memory. Finally Saturday afternoon rolls around and Matt is free to be a normal teenager for the night eight school-free days. Nicki invited them all over to her house for a mini pool party and Matt is more than excited. He parks his car a few houses down from Alex's just in case, and texts him to let him know he's arrived. Alex comes walking up the street a few minutes later in a pair of red basketball shorts, a thin white tee shirt, and blue flip flops. He has a navy blue towel sling over one shoulder, and sunglasses are balanced on top of his head. He looks so relaxed and beautiful that Matt's breath catches in his throat.  
"Hi," Alex says once he gets in the car. Matt actually has to try a few times before he can get a response out. Matt's bracelet is still on Alex's wrist, looking like it's been there forever. Matt looks at Alex.  
"I...well...I missed you," he says, smiling a shy smile.  
"Yeah." Alex looks over at him and smiles softly. "I missed you too."  
They're the last to arrive at the house. Nicki, Mazi, Chance, and Nate are already splashing around in the pool. They all call out to them when Matt leads Alex around to the backyard and Matt wastes no time in setting all his things on a picnic table, stripping off his shirt, and diving in. The water is cold at first, knocking the air out of his lungs. He splutters as he resurfaces and his grin fades when he sees Alex standing on the very edge and reaches out to grasp Alex's ankles. He looks up at him as his thumb brushes the sharp knob of bone.  
"What's up?" He asks. After a moment, Alex just shakes his head. He takes a deep breath and steps back, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it on top of his towel, and shoes. He's slender and pale, lightly-muscled and lithe, and Matt can't stop staring.  
Alex suddenly breaks into run and jumps over Matt's head to canon-ball into the chilly water. Everyone cheers and Matt whips around. He chuckles when Alex smirks at him. Matt lunges for him and Alex swims across the pool, throwing his head back with a laugh. They play in the water for hours; until they're all pruney and their eyes sting with chlorine. Every single time Matt brushes by Alex in the cool water it somehow feels like molten lava. If Alex was beautiful before, there isn't even a word for what he looks like now. He's happy and laughing and he's absolutely gorgeous, green eyes bright and skin turning pink from the sun. Matt just can't get over it. When the sun starts to set, Matt lifts himself out of the pool. He has to pull his shorts up slightly when the weight of the water tries to drag them done.   
"I'm going to get something to drink," he announces. He grabs his towel and does a quick, half-assed job of drying himself off. Alex swims over to the edge and pulls himself out as well, skinny muscles bunching under his wet skin.  
"I'll go too," he says, and Matt nods dumbly. They walk into the kitchen together and Alex jumps slightly when Call suddenly barks from the other side of the doggy-gate, keeping him trapped in the back of the house.  
They each get a pop from the fridge but they're too cold to drink much of the them. Alex sets his on the counter and crosses his arms over his chest as he shivers. Matt can see the goosebumps covering his skin and water dripping down the sides of his face. Matt looks to the left and into the open door of the laundry room, noticing the stack of towels on the dryer.  
"Come here," Matt says, grabbing Alex's wrist and leading him to the laundry room. He doesn't turn on the light. The bright glow from the kitchen seems to be enough. "You're gonna freeze to death, ice pop."  
Alex chuckles. His teeth chatter slightly as Matt grabs a large fluffy white towel and shakes it out. He dropes it over the top of Alex's head and dries his hair, scrubbing vigorously before pulling away. Alex is looking up at him with wide, trusting eyes, lips slack as Matt dries him off. Matt moves the towel across Alex's neck and chest, sliding it down his arms before bringing it around his back to grip either side and use it to pull Alex in closer. Matt knows he's staring at Alex's mouth, but he can't help it. Alex places his open palms on Matt's bare chest and he gasps, lips parting as Alex surges up to kiss him. Matt stumbles back against the wall and his feet slip slightly in the slight puddle they've created as Alex keeps their mouths pressed together. Alex slides his hand from Matt's chest around his back. His fingertips dig in as their chests come in contact and they gasp into each other's mouths at the touch of cold, bare skin. Matt drops the towel and puts his palms on either side of Alex's neck. He lets out a soft groan when Alex licks into his mouth and sucks experimentally at his tongue. Matt hasn't kissed a lot of people, but he's pretty sure Alex was born for this.  
Alex's nipples drag across Matt's bare skin, and Matt lets his hands slide down Alex's back to trail his fingertips hungrily over damp, silky skin. Matt pulls his mouth away from Alex's and drags his lips across Alex's jaw, fixing his mouth to the sweet curve of his neck and pressing wet, suckling kisses along the skin. His thumbs find the groove of Alex's hipbones and slide through them before his hands come to rest at the swell of Alex's ass, fingertips pressing at the waistband of his shorts. Matt pulls Alex's earlobe into his mouth and sucks gently on it as he pulls Alex tighter against him. He feels a familiar spark in his stomach, dick stirring in his shorts as he presses his mouth to Alex's again. Alex lets out a small whimper and clutches at Matt's shoulders. It's an encouraging sound but it has the opposite effect on Matt. It brings him back to the present and makes him realize what they're doing. His dick is hot and heavy in his shorts, pressed against Alex's thigh. He puts his hands on Alex's hips and squeezes them as he pushes him backwards and breaks their kiss. Alex stumbles a little and open his eyes, panting heavily as he stares at Matt. His lips are swollen and he has little pink marks on his neck that Matt prays wouldn't turn into bruises. Matt closes his eyes, and thumps his head against the wall. It's upsetting that he let this go so far. They were caught up in the heat of the moment, but Matt should've stopped it sooner. Alex clears his throat, and glances sideways as he reaches up to wipe his mouth as he looks around awkwardly. When he dares to straighten his gaze, Alex is wearing a greatful expression, lips curling into a bashful little smirk. Matt knows that if he let it, this would've gone farther before Alex was ready, and it could have screwed everything up. Matt has to keep a level head. He can't let his hormones and soft skin and willing mouths make him forget how important it is that they go slow.  
"Sorry," Matt breathes. He tentatively reaches out to touch Alex's cheek. "You good?"  
"Fine," Alex replies, pressing his cheek into Matt's hand like an eager cat. "Just, a little intense."  
"Yeah," Matt whispers. They jump and Matt drops his hand when they hear their names being called. They walk out of the laundry room and towards the living room.  
"There you are," Mazi says with a smirk. She and Nicki have changed into pajamas and Nicki is sitting behind Mazi on the couch, brushing out her long, wet hair. Chance and Nate are sitting on the floor with their damp butts on dry towels. "It got cold, so we're done with the pool. We're gonna puppy pile on the floor and watch a movie. You boys in?"  
Matt looks over at Alex with a raised eyebrow and Alex nods. Matt grabs his and Alex's towels and shirts from where they were brought in with everybody's stuff. He puts his shirt on and wraps a towel around his waist to protect the carpet from his damp swim trunks and Alex does the same. Matt is a little sad to lose sight of all that skin, even if it will help him lose temptation. Matt and Chance move the coffee table out of the way as Mazi and Nicki spread out a few blankets out on the floor. A puppy pile is pretty much is the best way to describe the position they end up in, Matt sits up against the back of the couch and Alex sits between his splayed legs, back resting against his stomach. Chance props his head up on Matt's hip, and Mazi uses Alex's thigh as a pillow as Nicki curls around her. Nate has his head on Chance's stomach and his arm is slung over Matt's calf. This is how they always lay. They're perfectly content to be sprawled all over each other. Alex squirms a little at first. He's obviously uncomfortable with all the physical attention. It's not long before he relaxes, reaching down to grab Matt's arm and drape it over his chest. Matt dares to slip his hand under Alex's shirt to trace random patterns on his stomach. Alex giggles and squirms, but it doesn't take long for Alex to fall asleep with his head turned into Matt's chest and fingers curled into his shirt.  
Mazi is smiling at them like they're the cutest thing she's ever seen, and Chance snores fitfully, one arm wrapped around Nate's chest. Matt knows he'll eventually have to wake up Alex and take him home. He has church in the morning. Matt can't imagine what goes on in Alex's head during that time. It must be difficult pretending to be someone you're not. But for right now Matt just lets him sleep, and lazily traces lopsided hears on his sleep-warm skin.


	5. Chapter 5

The downside to Spring Break is that Alex has to spend more time at home. On Tuesday his mother invites a bunch of old women over for brunch. They're downstairs eating finger sandwiches and talking about Jesus. Alex sneaks out the back door. He doesn't like being away from Matt. It gives him too much time to think and he doesn't always like what he has to think about. It's too easy to forget about everything when he's with Matt, and that's an escape he's quickly starting to rely on. It's still sort of early when Alex hops up on Matt's porch. He checks his phone to see that it's barely eleven. Alex bites his lip as he knocks. He's never just dropped by unannounced before. The dogs start barking shrilly and Alex jumps.  
"Get back you stupid dogs!" He hears Sherry scream. Alex takes a step back. The door opens a crack and Sherry sticks her head out. "Oh, hey Alex!"  
"Hi Sherry," Alex says shyly. Sofi squirms out of the cracked door and Alex catches her by the collar as she tries to run away.  
"Come in before I commit animal cruelty," Sherry tells him, holding Mash at bay with her foot as Alex slips into the house with Sofi. "They only listen to Matt. Well, sometimes."  
"Is Matt here?" Alex asks as he leans over to scratch the dogs behind the ears. Sherry looks at her watch and sighs, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looks so young; so normal and loving. Alex barely knows her, but he already adores her.  
"He's off saving orphans from burning buildings or some variation thereof," Sherry tells him. "You know him, Matthew Johnson, Gay Crusader. All he needs is a stupid cape."  
"They could shine a rainbow light in the sky?" Alex asks timidly. He grabs at Sofi's paws when she jumps up at him. Sherry smirks and looks at Alex fondly.  
"They could! But no, kiddo," Sherry says seriously. "He isn't here right now. He's well...dealing with something. But you can wait if you want. I'm just starting a batch of cupcakes if you want to help?"  
"I don't know how to bake," Alex admits, scratching the back of his head. Sherry just rolls her eyes and gestures towards the kitchen before turning around to head towards it. Alex doesn't know what to do other than follow her. Being in Matt's hot kitchen with his frazzled mother beats being at home avoiding his own mother any day. "So what's going on with Matt?" Alex asks. He pulls himself up onto the counter when Sherry pats it. "You look worried."  
Sherry sighs and wipes her hands on her apron and turning around to lean against the counter. Alex lifts an eyebrow, suddenly afraid she's going to give him some bad news.  
"Do you know Daisy?" Sherry asks. Alex racks his brain for a moment. Daisy is a small dark-haired girl. She's a member of the GSA and Matt has known her since middle school.  
"I've met her," Alex says, and Sherry nods. "What's going on?"  
"Daisy has this boyfriend that's a real piece of work," Sherry tells him. "She called Matt in the middle of the night asking him to come pick her up from his house because they were fighting. And he just hasn't come home yet."  
"What?" Alex shrieks. His heart rate accelerates and Sherry holds up her hands.  
"He texted me a few hours ago," she says. "He's fine. He's just not home yet."  
"Okay," Alex lets out a breath. "But next time? You might wanna lead with 'he's fine."  
"Sorry," Sherry chuckles, pushing her hair back again. "It's just, sometimes I wish he'd stop worrying about everyone else's problems and just be a teenager."  
"He helps a lot of people," Alex says quietly. "He's helping me."  
""Baby, I know," Sherry replies. "I'm just worrying about my kid. I'm a mom. It's what we do. Now come here and mix up my frosting." Alex hops off the counter and stands at Sherry's side. She sets a giant bowl of white frosting in front of him, and squeezes a few drops of red food coloring into it. "Mix."  
"Pink," Alex chuckles. "I'm so surprised."  
"Act like you don't want some pink cupcakes." She bumps her hip with his and winks. Alex picks up the spatula and begins mixing the frosting.  
"Try as I might." Alex replies. "I just can't deny that I want these pink cupcakes in my belly."  
"Knew it," she replies. Sherry shifts her weight and blows her bangs out of her face. "Hey, uh, what's your favorite color?"  
"Um," Alex pauses his stirring to think about the random question. He figures 'the color of your son's eyes when he smiles' would be corny, lame, and entirely inappropriate answer. Doesn't make it any less true. "Ruby red, I guess. Why?"  
"No reason," she smiles sweetly at him. "Just curious about you. Mine's grass green."  
“Oh,” Alex says. Sherry winks at him. He’s a little lost but he just shrugs it off and blames it to her quirkiness. They work in comfortable silence. Alex mixes the pink frosting and Sherry mixes the chocolate batter. She clears her throat after awhile and bumps Alex’s hip again.  
“So how are things going at home?” She asks delicately. Alex tenses, furrows his brow and beats the frosting harder. “You don’t have to tell me.”  
“No, it’s just...well, I hate it,” Alex says timidly, eyes trained on the sugary pink confection in the bowl. “But that’s nothing new to be honest.”  
“Oh, kid.” Sherry wraps her arm around Alex’s shoulders and presses a kiss to his forehead. “I know it’s rough, but you gotta live your life, ya know? You have to be happy.”  
“I’m starting to realize that,” Alex says as his eyes start tearing up slightly. “Matt makes me happy. He’s incredible, Sherry.”  
“He is,” Sherry agrees. “But it isn't all genes. You turned out pretty awesome, too. It’s the choices we make that shape who we become. You just have to make the ones that feel right to you and whatever happens, happens.”  
“Yeah,” Alex agrees quietly and Sherry pokes him on the nose, leaving a smear of chocolate behind. Alex scrunches up his nose and smiles at her. He now knows where Matt got his heart.  
Alex holds the pan steady while Sherry pours the batter into all the cups. She puts the pan in the oven and sets the timer before wiping her hands on her apron again. She opens the cupboard and starts rifling through it.  
“You get to pick the topping,” Sherry says as she gets up on her toes to dig. “We have about fifteen different types of rainbow sprinkles because Matt likes to make a statement. Chocolate sprinkles? Rainbow sprinkles? God, there’s so much shit in here.”  
Alex snorts and the dogs suddenly start up. Sherry closes the cupboard and Alex perks up. The front door opens and closes and they hear Matt tiredly shushing the dogs. Alex blushes suddenly. What will Matt think of him spending all day with his mother? The thought dies quickly when Matt comes around the corner. He tosses his keys on the counter and turns towards them. Sherry gasps and Alex’s green eyes widen.  
“Oh, Lex.” Matt gives him a tired smile. “Hey.”  
“Matt!” Sherry yells as she rushes over to him. “What the hell happened to your face?”  
She cups his cheek in her hand gently. Her thumb swipes across the bruise underneath his eye and makes him hiss. Matt grabs her hand and lowers it as he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead.  
“It’s nothing, Mom,” he says softly. “Kevin apparently didn’t like me getting in the middle of their business. But it’s fine. I drove Daisy out to her mother’s in Long Beach. That’s why I was gone so long. Sorry.”  
Alex doesn’t know how to handle seeing Matt hurt. It makes him shake and tears him up inside. He takes a shaky step forward. He wants to make sure Matt is okay but he doesn’t want to interrupt. He feels a stinging behind his eyes but it’s stupid because Matt’s fine. He’s walking and talking and standing right in front of him and he’s fine. Matt hugs his mother and Alex sees the cuts on Matt’s knuckles. He’s tough. He can defend himself. That doesn’t mean he should have to. Alex bites down hard on his bottom lip.  
“You need to knock it off with this shit,” Sherry says, looking up at Matt with a stern expression. She’s not very scary. At her full height she still only comes up to Matt’s collarbone and she’s wiping chocolate sticky bangs out of her face. “Stop trying to fix everyone.”  
“I’m sorry, okay?” Matt says loudly. He almost sways on his feet. It’s obvious that he hasn’t slept at all. “She called me. What was I supposed to do, leave her there?”  
“You’re supposed to quit playing everyone’s goddamn hero when you’ve got your own life to live!” Sherry yells, and Matt flinches. Alex flinches, and shrinks back into the kitchen. His back hits the fridge and sends all the magnets clattering to the floor.  
Matt and Sherry both jump, and turn to face him. They look pretty angry, and Alex hangs his head. He has a brief moment of insanity where he wonders if he’s just another charity case, if Matt is just playing hero to another helpless kid. But then Matt is cupping his face, thumb tracing the side of his face, and Alex feels guilty for even having the thought.  
“Are you okay?” Alex asks, looking up at the black and blue bruise forming Matt’s perfect face and making his eye swell. Alex glances at Sherry over Matt’s shoulder, wondering if it’s fine to be close to Matt like this in front of her.  
“I’m okay, Lex,” Matt says, but Alex isn’t trembling because he’s cold. “I’m just a little tired.”  
“You should go lay down,” Alex tells him, reaching out to tug on the hem of his shirt.  
“I’m totally..." He pauses to let out a giant yawn. “...fine. I smell cupcakes.”  
“Matt,” Alex says again. He lightly touches the bruise on Matt’s face. He hisses slightly and looks at Alex with bloodshot eyes. “Sleep.”  
“But..." Matt goes to protest, but Sherry holds up her hand, getting both the boy's attention.  
“Matt!” Sherry says as she goes into the kitchen to grab the bowl of frosting. “Let your boyfriend take care of you for a while, okay? The cupcakes will be here when you wake up.”  
Matt’s eyes widen and Alex flinches a little, cheeks flushing with heat as he glances at Sherry with a startled look. Matt rolls his lips into his mouth, and sends his mother a glare over his shoulder. He wraps his fingers around Alex’s wrist and leads him down the hall. Alex has never been in Matt’s bedroom before. The sheets are blue and silver, and the bed is unmade. There are clothes and books and movies thrown all over the place and a laptop set dangerously on the edge of a desk shoved in the corner. The walls are covered in pictures and a TV is on mute on top of his dresser. It looks like a teenager lives in here. A messy, electricity-wasting teenager.  
“So, that happened,” Matt sighs as he shuts the door, turning around and running his fingers through his hair. He looks up at Alex shyly. His cheeks are pink with embarrassment.  
“You told your mom I was your boyfriend?” Alex asks, stuttering slightly over the word. Matt sighs and leans back against the door, covering his face with his hands.  
“I didn’t tell her that,” he says. He meets Alex’s shy gaze through his hands with sleepy eyes. “I told her… things. She just made up what she thinks.”  
Alex looks at Matt closely, and feels the familiar flutter of butterflies in his belly he gets whenever they’re alone together. Matt looks nervous but hopeful, and Alex thinks about what Sherry said about making your own choices and being happy.  
“I could be your boyfriend,” Alex shyly says, pulse fluttering as he stutters the words out. He swallows hard and then smiles timidly. He’s happy with his decision.  
“I...you. What?” Matt splutters, dropping his hands and blinking a few times. “Lex...really?”  
“Well...um...yeah,” Alex whispers out, running his fingers through his hair. He hasn’t gotten it trimmed since he met Matt and it’s not so neat and tidy anymore. “I mean...I’m not ready to take an ad out in the paper or anything. But you and me? That’s...yeah, Matt. I mean, it sort of makes sense.”  
Matt trips across the room to stand in front of Alex, a dopey grin coming on his face. Alex’s eyes are drawn to the blossoming bruise and the slight puffiness of that eye. Matt looks really exhausted, but peaceful, and Alex nudges him in the direction of his messy bed.  
“Now, will you please lay down?” Alex begs. He chuckles as Matt dramatically falls onto his bed. He rolls onto his back and looks up at Alex with fond eyes and a huge smile on his face. He scoots over to the wall, leaving half of his bed empty.  
“I know I’m being a horrible host.” Matt yawns, and stretches his arms and legs out. “But, I promise I’ll make it up to you if you take a nap with me.”  
“I could go for a nap,” Alex says as his eyes travel over the long expanse of Matt’s body. He bites his lip. This isn’t accidentally falling asleep in Matt’s lap while watching a movie. This is actually happening while he's awake. Alex lets out a breath and toes off his shoes before climbing into bed with his...oh dear god, his boyfriend.  
Alex rolls onto his side, and props his head up on his elbow as he pulls the covers up over them. Matt’s eyes slip shut with a soft hum, and Alex carefully touches the corner of Matt’s bruised eye, fingertips ghosting across heated skin.  
“Does it hurt?” He asks. Matt’s brows rise slightly, but he doesn’t open his eyes. Alex bites his lip harder, he has never seen the other look so tired.  
“A little,” Matt whispers. Alex leans in to press a light kiss to the mark with his hand on Matt’s opposite cheek. “Mm, much better.” When Alex finally pulls away, Matt’s eyes are open, and he’s staring at Alex tiredly.  
“What?” Alex asks, and Matt’s lips quirk up into a lopsided smile.  
“I was trying to get you to kiss me using telepathy,” Matt sighs, shrugging one shoulder and cuddling deeper into his bed. “Guess I need to work on that.” Alex smirks, and lets the tip of his thumb trail across Matt’s soft lips. Matt purses them out slightly against Alex’s thumb.  
“You know,” Alex says timidly, as his thumb begins to trace Matt’s jaw now. “You don’t always have to wait for me to kiss you...I mean, thank you for doing that at first, but...Matt, kissing you... feels good. And when it’s just me and you like this, you don’t always have to wait for me come to you.”  
“I just don’t want to frighten you,” Matt says honestly, looking up at Alex sleepily. “I don’t want to pressure you. I want you to always be comfortable around me.”  
“Matt, you’ve never once made me feel pressured,” Alex tells him sternly. He lets his hand slide down the side of Matt’s neck, and across his chest. “I’m not talking about...I don’t mean anything else. Just...if you want to kiss me, and it feels like the right time to do it, just do it.”  
Matt barely lets him get the sentence out before he’s lifting his head and pressing their lips together gently. Alex smiles gently into the kiss, and leans over Matt to make the strain less on his neck. Their tongues tangle lazily for a moment before he pulls away slightly to press their foreheads together.  
“Sleep,” Alex tells him. He curls up against his side, and rests his head on Matt’s chest. He pulls the covers up to their chins, and slips his hand under Matt’s shirt to rest on his belly. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.”  
“ You promise?” Matt whispers sleepily, pulling up the back of Alex’s shirt to get his hand on bare skin. His touch makes Alex shiver, but it also makes him warm all over.  
“Yeah,” Alex whispers, as his eyes slip shut. “There’s cupcakes in the oven.”  
************************************************************************  
Matt is covered in sweat, thighs burning with a sweet ache as he runs laps around the park. Each loop is marked off as a quarter mile and when he does twelve of them he jogs over to the soccer field. He checks his watch and rolls his eyes. He turns the volume up on his phone as he grabs his soccer ball, and starts scoring goals, relishing in the burn of his muscles. After a while Chance wanders up, and Matt stares at him like he's irritated, as he takes his ear buds out and loops the cord over his shoulders.  
“You’re late,” Matt says as he looks his best friend up and down. He’s wearing hot pink sunglasses, a tee shirt and basketball shorts but also flip-flops, and he’s holding a soda in a black koozie that reads Don’t be sexist. Broads hate that. In bright pink font. “How are you going to play in those shoes?”  
“Man, really?” Chance pushes his sunglasses up to rest on the top of his head. “You’re freakishly fast, and even more better good at this sport. You’re just gonna run circles around me and score on me every five seconds, and I don’t wanna deal with it. So I’m giving up. Bowing out gracefully, you might say.”  
“You are such a failure,” Matt sighs. He kicks the ball, and gets it right in the net without looking.  
“And you’re gay,” Chance points out. “Your people aren’t even supposed to be good at sports.”  
“And straight boys aren’t supposed to get pedicures every other week,” Matt replies as he runs over to get the ball.  
“We’re just breaking stereotypes left and right.” Chance takes a huge gulp from the crazy straw sticking out of his pop can. “And hey, just because I’m straight does not mean I should have to deal with toe funk.”  
"I see your point,” Matt replies, kicking the ball in the air again. It hits the goal post and bounces off. Chance races off to get it, flip flops slapping against the asphalt.  
“Speaking of buttsex,” Chance says as he passes Matt the ball. Matt bounces it from knee to knee, and raises an eyebrow.  
“We weren’t.” Matt runs a circle around Chance just because he can and shoots another goal. He makes it this time.  
“Buttsex is always on topic,” Chance responds. The sunlight makes him squint and he puts his sunglasses back over his eyes. “How’s the gayby?”  
“I really wish you’d stop calling Alex a gayby.” Matt sighs, and wipes the sweat from his forehead with his arm. Chance looks offended, and holds his arms out to the side.  
“Matt. He likes boys, and is shiny and new to all that is homo.” Chance tells him before taking another drink from his straw. “The term was made for boys like Alex. He is a fresh-faced, bright-eyed baby gay. Thus, he is a gayby.”  
“Whatever,” Matt replies. “Alex is great, thanks for asking.”  
“Good.” Chance snatches the ball from Jared with his feet, and bounces it on his ankle. “He seems to be adjusting pretty well. I have to say...I didn't see this going this well when it all first started.”  
“But you did say that,” Matt replies as he snatches the ball back. “Loudly, if I can remember.”  
“And I was obviously wrong.” Chance follows Matt around as he idly kicks the ball. “I thought he was going to freak out and head for the hills, but he didn’t. He’s like, completely fallen for you. I mean, you know that, right? He’s still super shy and quiet, but that much is obvious.” Matt blushes, and bites down on his smile. He kicks the ball and it sails effortlessly through the goal. “You make him happy. I mean, that boy was depressed when he got here,” Chance continues, and Matt turns to face him. “And I’m not saying he’s suddenly all happy-happy joy-joy, but he’s doing good, ya know?”  
“Yeah,” Matt replies, snatching the ball and balances it on his knee again. His heart is pounding at the thought of Alex’s laugh. “He is.”  
“Not to mention what he’s doing for you,” Chance says, and Matt looks over at him. “I know everyone thinks the sun comes out when you smile and rainbows shoot out of your ass and shit, but you weren’t that happy. I don’t think you were sad by any stretch, either. You were just...you were content. But not happy..not like you are now that you have Alex.”  
Matt blinks and stares at his best friend with one eyebrow arched. Chance isn’t wrong...he actually hit the nail directly on the head. Matt is happy now. Happier than he’s ever been.  
“Since when are you all deep and observant and shit?” Matt asks, and Chance shrugs as he gives him his goofy trademark smile.  
“I have a lot of time on my hands,” Chance says simply. “When you’re out here in the heat scurrying around and showing off your sweaty manliness, I’m somewhere thinking and not smelling like the inside of a dirty asshole.”  
Matt snorts, and then kicks the ball at Chance’s outstretched foot. It connects and sends his pop can, koozie, and straw combo flying since he tried to balance himself out. It all hits the ground and goes rolling across the asphalt, pop spilling and straw rolling away. Chance turns, and looks at Matt incredulously, jaw dropped.  
“Okay, that? Fucked up,” Chance says, but Matt is too busy belly laughing at the expression on his face to respond. “If you broke my crazy straw I am kicking your fucking ass.”  
Matt has to bend over and put his hands on his knees, he’s laughing so hard. Chance lets out an angry growl, and when the soccer ball smacks with Matt’s hip, he just laughs a lot harder than before.  
************************************************************************  
Saturday night after dinner, Alex bounces down the stairs with his hands in his pockets, intent on heading over to Matt’s for one last late night before school starts up again. He’s not planning on telling anyone where he’s going or when he’ll be back.  
“Alex.” He freezes on the bottom step at the sound of his father’s voice, shoulders tensing and rising until they nearly touch his ears. He swallows hard, and turns around to see his father sitting in his chair with a newspaper open on his lap, and glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. “I need to talk to you.”  
Alex’s stomach drops and his heart pounds in his ears. His hands start to shake as he slowly walks over towards his father. He stops a few feet away, and he pushes the foot rest out with his foot, gesturing for Alex to sit on it. He does, head bowed, and hands clenched into tight fists.  
“Your mother wanted me to talk to you about the way you’ve been acting lately,” Brian says sternly, and Alex gulps hard. “You’ve developed quite an attitude problem. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”  
“No, sir,” Alex says timidly, refusing to meet his father’s eyes. He sighs and Alex squeezes his eyes shut.  
“I think I know what’s going on with you,” Brian says. Alex’s head snaps up. He’s about ready to cry and he’s shaking because how could he know? “You’ve met someone.”  
“I...I don’t...um,” Alex stutters, cheeks flushing as he bites down on his bottom lip. Brian chuckles and Alex’s head jerks up in surprise.  
“Hey, I was young once,” Brian says. “I know what it feels like when you fall ass over elbows for a pretty girl.”  
Alex resists the urge to let out a bitter laugh as a familiar stab of pain hits his belly. Of course. A pretty girl. If only they knew. Alex just looks up at his father, and tries not to cry.  
“I’m glad you’re fitting in here, Alex,” he says again, leaning forward. “But let’s get one thing straight. This new attitude of yours isn’t going to fly anymore. There are rules we expect you to follow. You’re no longer going to just waltz in and out of this house whenever you please. You will tell us when you are going somewhere and when you’ll be home, and you will not continue to sass your mother and me like you’ve been doing. You will show us respect. Do you understand?”  
“Yes sir,” Alex says. He swallows hard and furrows his brow. “Understood.”  
“And another thing.” Alex suppresses a sigh. “You treat this girl of yours with respect. Don’t go letting your hormones get you into any untoward situations, you get me? You know what’s proper and what isn’t.”  
“Yes sir,” Alex says again. He wishes the floor would open and swallow him whole. “May I be excused?”  
“Yes,” Brian replies, waving him off with his newspaper. “Get out of here. Go to your girl’s house. Just remember, things are going to change around here or you won’t be going anywhere.”  
Alex nods and gets up. Angry tears sting his eyes. He heads out the front door and resists the urge to slam it, hands shaking as he walks briskly up the street. He’d wanted so badly to tell his father the truth, to get in his face and tell them that he has a boyfriend and that’s why he’s been so happy lately. But of course, he’s a coward so he just sat there and let his father make his assumptions while guilt coiled in his belly because he knows Matt deserves better than that. He steps up onto Matt’s porch and knocks on the door. Breathing gets a little easier when he hears the dogs bark.  
“DESIGNATION?” He hears Matt yell. He knits his brow.  
“Uh, Alex?” He says, surprised his voice hasn't started shaking yet. The dogs start barking even louder.  
“ACCESS GRANTED!” Alex rolls his teat eyes as he opens the door. The dogs jump him and he gives them their mandatory ear scratches. “Ooh, you’re just in time!”  
“My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy.” Alex smirks at the now, familiar line coming from the television. Matt and Sherry are on the couch watching Burn Notice, which is the show Alex fell asleep to on that first day, and has since learned is Matt’s favorite show.  
“Hey, Sweetie!” Sherry calls. Alex gives her a little wave, and blushes at the nickname. He’s never had a nickname before. Now he seems to have several.  
Alex is glad Sherry is here. He was feeling rebellious and reckless and if she hadn’t been around Alex might've tried to push Matt into his bedroom to do something he would have regretted.  
“Hey,” Alex whispers quietly, scrubbing his hand over his face as he comes to stand in front of the couch. Matt looks up at him and his expression goes from playful to concerned fast.  
“What’s wrong, Lex?” Matt reaches up to grab Alex’s hand, and pull him down onto the couch. He falls forward onto his knees on the cushion between Matt and Sherry and shifts around until he’s on his butt, smushed up against Matt’s side. Matt wraps his arms around Alex’s shoulders, and Sherry pats his ankle where his feet are tucked underneath him. He’s past the point of caring about Sherry being around when Matt touches him. As long as they keep it G rated, he no longer gets nervous.  
“My dad had a talk with me about my attitude problem,” Alex says, doing finger quotes around the phrase. “I need to work on it.”  
“Well, you are kind of an asshole,” Matt says easily, fingertips stroking Alex’s collarbone through his shirt.  
“Not to mention seriously unattractive,” Sherry says blandly, and then reaches out to tickle the bottom of Alex’s foot. Alex bites down on the urge to laugh, and pokes Matt in the stomach. Matt catches his hand, and laces their fingers together.  
“Is everything okay?” He asks against the top of Alex’s head. Alex huffs out a sigh, but nods, resting his head on Matt’s shoulder.  
“Yeah. It just sucks that they waited until now to actually give a crap about what I do,” Alex whimpers. He presses his mouth against Matt’s shoulder, and feels his cheeks heat up. “They think I have a girlfriend.”  
“You pig!” Matt says loudly and pushes at Alex’s shoulder. “Is she prettier than me? Cuter than me?”  
“No one is prettier or cuter than you,” Alex says automatically, half joking and half dead-serious.  
“You know that’s right,” Matt cuddles back against the cushions, and holds Alex tighter. “It’s okay, Lex. There’s nothing to worry about.”  
Alex nods and closes his eyes when Matt presses a reassuring kiss to his forehead. He rests his head on Matt’s shoulder and watches TV with his boyfriend and his mom. He tries to push his conversation with his father to the back of his mind, and wishes he could be as unaffected as Matt.  
“No, but seriously,” Matt says a little while later, completely out of no where. “How fucking cool would it be to be a freelance spy? Running around saving lives and blowing shit up with your hot little sidekick. Just like, being continually awesome all the time!” He gives Alex a squeeze at ‘hot little sidekick’, and Alex cranes his head back to look at Sherry.  
“What’s wrong with him?” He asks, jokingly. Sherry rolls her eyes exasperatedly, and gestures towards the coffee table.  
There’s a nearly empty two-liter of Pepsi, and a half eaten plate of brownies on it, and Alex nods in understanding. Sugar rush. He leans forward to grab a brownie and Matt’s fingers tickle the exposed strip of skin just above the waistband of his jeans. Alex trembles, and leans back, sighing at the feel of Matt’s strong, warm arm around his shoulders. Matt talks pretty consistently through the next couple episodes of their impromptu marathon, providing constant commentary. Alex is amused, lazing against Matt’s chest with one arm slung across his belly. The sugar crash is almost instantaneous. One minute he’s rambling and the next he’s slumped over, eyelids drooping sleepily before finally closing all the way.  
“Aaaand there he goes,” Sherry says fondly. “Out for the count. I literally do not know how I never threw him against the wall as a child.”  
“He was pretty loud and obnoxious, huh?” Alex asks. To his surprise Sherry smiles sadly.  
“Yeah. He was really quiet for awhile after his dad died,” she says, thumbing at a ring on her finger. It looks like a wedding ring, and Alex frowns. “It was rough, but he eventually bounced back. Now I don’t mind the sugar rushes too bad.”  
“Can I ask what happened?” Alex asks timidly, as he sits up and lifts Matt’s arm from his shoulders. “He doesn’t like to talk about it. Then again, you probably don’t either. I’m sorry.”  
“No, it’s okay,” Sherry replies, tucking her hair behind her ear. “It was a car accident. Matt was five. Ryan was, uh. He left work early to pick Matt up from school and take him to a soccer game, and got in an accident on the way. He and Tig loved soccer.”  
“Tig?” Alex asks. Sherry chuckles a little.  
“I used to call him Tigger when he was little. Still do sometimes,” Sherry replies, looking over at him. Her eyes are damp, and Alex feels bad for bringing it up at all. “Because he was always bouncing around, you know? Oh god, don’t tell him I told you that.”  
“I won’t,” Alex chuckles. He struggles to move past the painful topic. “I never had a nickname as a kid.”  
“That’s just weird,” Sherry says, looking over at him. “It couldn’t last forever, Sweetie.”  
“I’d still like to know how you came up with that,” Jensen chuckles. She shrugs and smiles a little.  
“Alex, Lexi, Alexi, Honey, Sweetie,” she says sheepishly, and Alex laughs. “It’s a weird thought process.”  
“Well, I like it,” Jensen admits shyly. “And I bet Matt loves it when you call him Tig.”  
“Maybe,” she replies. She looks over at Matt with such a fond smile that it makes Alex’s heart ache for what he never had. “Come on, Sweetie. It’s late. I’ll drive you home.”  
“Huh?” Alex says, shaking his head to clear his dismal thoughts. “Oh, no. It’s okay, Sherry. It’s not far. I can walk.”  
“I know you can. Doesn’t mean you should.” She pats his thigh as she gets up and stretches. Alex nods, and gets up as well. Sherry leans over Matt’s sleeping form and reaches out to shake his knee. “Time for bed, Tig.” Sherry winks at Alex, and he bites down on a laugh. Matt squirms and pulls his feet up on the couch, spreading out across it. “Tig! Go to bed!” Matt lets out a low groan and snuggles against the back of the couch with his eyes closed tight.  
“Five minutes, Mommy. Comfy,” he mumbles, and Alex can’t help the giggle that spills out of his lips. Matt is adorable.  
“Good night, Matt,” Alex says amusedly. Matt suddenly freezes. One eye opens to land on Alex.  
“Oh. Lex,” he says as his cheeks flush pink. “I was… unaware that you were still here.”  
“Don’t worry about it, Tig,” Alex teases, and Matt sighs. “Your mom is taking me home. You go to bed.”  
Alex walks over to the couch and leans over Matt to press a soft kiss to his forehead. Matt smiles and touches Alex’s wrist. His fingertips catch on Matt’s rubber bracelet.  
“Night,” Matt mumbles. Alex smiles and straightens up, blushing slightly when Sherry slips her arm through his to walk towards the door, car keys twirling around her finger as she whistles. It’s cold outside and all Alex wants to do is go back through the front door and cuddle with Matt on his lumpy sofa. He wants to be a part of this family.  
************************************************************************  
The mood around campus when school starts up again is decidedly cheerful. Sure, everyone had a fantastic spring break and it’s a little hard to get back into the swing of things, but now they’re in the home stretch. Two more months until freedom...until glorious summer. But of course, Matt is graduating this year. He hasn’t quite processed that yet. On Tuesday Matt, Chance, and Nate use their lunch break to run to the grocery store to pick up the necessary supplies for the afternoon’s GSA meeting while Alex eats with the girls. They grab a basket and load it up, spending the majority of their time in one particular aisle. Matt goes up to the register and sets the basket on the conveyor belt. An elderly woman behind them spots it and her eyes widen. Chance giggles madly, and even Nate cracks up. Matt swats them both on the back of the head.  
“Grow up. It’s not like we haven’t done this before,” Matt says as he shares a look with Nate. “It’s not funny.” The cashier glances at their basket and does a literal double take. Matt bites his lip. “Fine. It’s a little funny.”  
“It looks like we’re having a party,” Nate says. He glances over at the candy rack and throws a few bags of M&M’s on top of their questionable purchases.  
“The world’s greatest party,” Chance adds, tossing on some peanut butter cups. Matt rolls his eyes and smiles politely at the cashier. She’s an older woman and Matt sort of knows her by association, due to the fact that his mom manages the place.  
“Uh, hi Matt,” she says with a tight smile as she starts to ring them up. “Will this...um, be all for you?”  
“Yeah.” Matt scratches the back of his neck nervously. It’s a move he picked up from Alex. “It’s for a school project.” She drops the item she’s currently scanning and Chance and Nate crack up, falling against each other behind Matt. He sighs, looks up towards the ceiling, and slowly dies of awkwardness.  
Once he pays for his purchases he grabs the bag and flees with Chance and Nate on his heels. Sherry is walking in the front door as they’re walking out. She has her purse slung over one shoulder and her sunglasses perched on top of her head.  
“Oh hey, guys!” She calls, and Matt breathes out harshly through his nose. “What are you doing?”  
“Hey Mom!” Chance greets her. Nate scrunches his nose as she ruffles his hair. She looks down at the bags in Matt’s hand. The brightly colored packages press against the translucent plastic.  
“They’re for GSA!” Matt blurts, and she raises an eyebrow.  
“Just… go,” she says, smirking and shaking her head. Matt nods, and flees out into the sunshine.  
After the last period bell rings, Matt starts making his way towards the Tech building. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he extracts it to read a text from Alex, letting him know he’ll be in the library and to come get him when he’s done. Matt smiles. He’s never asked Matt to come to a GSA meeting. Not since that first disastrous time. Alex knows when and where they take place and when he’s ready, he’ll come. Matt knows that, and he’s very patient. By a few minutes after three everyone is pretty much assembled. Matt hops off the desk he was sitting on, and takes a deep breath before calling the meeting to order. He walks around an empty table they set up to stand behind it, leaning forward and placing his palms flat on it. Chance, Nate, Nicki, and Mazi all stand behind him.  
“Okay, guys,” Matt begins. “What we’re going to talk about today is sort of a touchy subject. It might make some of you a little squirmy, and some of you a little giggly. Just remember...we’re all adults here. Well, almost. We’re gonna talk...“  
“Let’s talk about sex!” Chance shouts, and dumps their grocery store bags out onto the empty table. Boxes of condoms, bottles of lube, dental dams, and pretty much everything else you can find on aisle thirteen, family planning all come tumbling out. All that, and bananas.  
There’s a rumble of murmurs through the crowd, a few laughs, and the distinctive sound of Mr. Mason, their advisor, audibly face-palming in the corner. He’s awesome, as far as advisors go. He doesn’t really get involved, but he’s always a little antsy on Sex Ed day. Probably because of Chance. Okay, mostly because of Chance.  
“Thank you, Chance,” Matt says scathingly. He pushes Chance away from the table and waits for everyone to quiet down. “More specifically, we’re going to talk about safe sex. Now, I know everyone has sat through this already in Health, but not everyone feels comfortable talking about that with their teachers and people they don’t know.”  
“So, that’s why we’re going over it again,” Nate adds, and Matt nods. “We’re all friends here.”  
“That’s right,” Matt continues. “And don’t think of this like a lecture. This is more like an open forum. Feel free to add any thoughts or questions to what we present. You know that no one’s going to judge you here. Alright, I think we’re ready to start, as soon as Chance stops giggling.” Mazi smacks the back of his head, and Chance’s smile drops. “Thanks, Mazi.”  
“Anytime,” she says, and Chance scowls at her.  
They start going through the basics – just a recap of everything they already teach in Health. After awhile, it’s time for Matt’s least favorite part, the condom demonstration. He turns towards the table to grab a banana and a little foil package. There’s some scuffling near the door but Matt doesn’t bother looking. People pop in and out all the time and this topic just isn’t one everyone is comfortable hearing.  
“Probably the most important rule about safe sex is to always wear a condom,” Matt says, emphasizing each word by jabbing the banana in the air. “It’s vital with vaginal and anal sex. Basically, if it’s going in you or you’re putting it in someone? It’s gotta have one of these on it.”  
Matt rips the condom open and pulls it out of the package. His nose wrinkles at the slimy feel of it. Of course he would grab one of the lubed ones. He holds up the banana and rolls the condom on carefully.  
“There’s plenty of different types of condoms. We have tons up here for you to take,” Matt says as his fingers smooth the condom over the fruit, and he gets all sticky with lube. “You and your partner can experiment and figure out which is best for you.”  
“Now that sounds like a homework project I can get behind,” Chance calls out, and then snorts. “See what I did there? Oh man. Double entendres are awesome.”  
Nate laughs and high-fives Chance. Matt rolls his eyes and wipes his fingers on the seat of his pants. There’s a sound coming from the door and Nicki jabs Matt in the back. He looks over to see Alex staring at him with wide eyes, back pressed against the door. As soon as they make eye contact, Alex shakes his head and pushes the door open, leaving the room, and taking off down the hall.  
“Are you freaking serious?” Matt whispers, as his heart drops into his stomach. “He chooses today? He couldn’t wait a week until we’re planning the fucking year-end bake sale?” He turns to Nate with a panicked expression, and Nate pats his shoulder as he steps forward. He gestures towards the door and nods.  
“Go,” he says. Matt nods gratefully. “We’ve got it covered.”  
Matt takes off running. His heart hammers in his chest. Alex just got comfortable with where they are now, cuddling and kissing without it being a big deal. Matt is afraid this has opened a whole new can of worms, that it’s a giant step back for Alex. He curses his luck and Alex’s timing as he runs out of the Tech building to find him.  
************************************************************************  
Alex drops down into a sitting position on the empty path behind the building, the same place Matt took him to for lunch that first week, and buries his face in his hands. He can feel his cheeks burning and his hands tremble slightly. He’s been getting better, but now he’s reminded just how out of his element he really is.  
“Alex.” Matt looks both relieved and scared as he approaches. He sits down across from Alex on the concrete, mirroring his cross-legged position. “Wow, so, I’m usually really good at dealing with awkward situations but this one takes first place. I don’t really know what to say.”  
“Sorry,” Alex blurts. He looks up, and feels his cheeks flush greater when he meets Matt’s eyes. “I just...GSA means so much to you and I wanted to see you in action. I just didn’t know you’d be talking about… that stuff. It sort of freaked me out, I guess.”  
“Hey, you don’t have to be sorry,” Matt replies. “I understand that you’re going through a massive transition and you’re taking it one step at a time. I know that what we have can be overwhelming and a little scary. You weren’t expecting to hear it and it freaked you out a little. It’s no big deal.”  
“I guess,” Alex says. He shrugs, still feeling a little embarrassed. Matt runs his fingers through his hair and bites his lip.  
“I know I sounded really smart about the subject,” Matt says. Alex nods. The easy, almost detached way Matt talked about sex had unnerved him a little. “But I’ve given that talk a bunch of times. I can be really blatant when it comes to sex, but I’m blatant about pretty much everything.”  
“I know.” Alex picks at his bracelet. He opens his mouth but snaps it shut again, teeth worrying at his bottom lip.  
“You...you can talk to me about it, if you want,” Matt offers. Alex looks up at him, startled. “I mean, if you’re curious. It’s not like I have a lot of experience, but you know I’ll always be honest with you.”  
Alex stares at his bracelet and picks at his fingernails. Truth is, he is curious. He has been for a while now. Now that he’s over the initial shock, Matt’s touch affects him in other ways. Simple things like the way Matt’s fingers trail along his collarbone or the feeling of Matt’s lips on his neck have been making him flush with desire. Matt has been keeping him up at night. He’s not ready to fulfill this need Matt gives him yet, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk about it.  
“So,” Alex starts, swallowing hard and staring at his fingernails. “Have you ever, well...you know.”  
“Once,” Matt says calmly, and Alex nods. The information doesn’t surprise him, but it doesn’t make him happy either. He’s never really thought about Matt’s relationships before they met. Even though he knew it to be true, it still makes him sort of sad to hear that he wasn’t Matt’s first everything like Matt was his.  
“So you had a boyfriend, then,” Alex says timidly as his fingers pinch and pull at his bracelet. He can never seem to stop touching it.  
“No,” Matt replies. “I mean, I’ve dated, but you’re the first person I’ve considered a boyfriend.”  
“Then who…” Alex trails off, brow furrowing slightly.  
“It was a friend.” Matt sighs and runs his fingers through his hair again, biting his lip. “It was, uh...it was actually Nate.”  
“Wait. You...and Nate?” Matt asks. The news sort of shocks him. He’s never gotten the feeling that Matt and Nate had ever been more than good friends. “I didn’t know you guys were, uh...like that.”  
“We weren’t,” Matt tells him. He looks around, and then moves a little closer to Alex, so close their knees are brushing, and then he leans in a little. “We were fifteen, and we thought it would be a good idea to get it over with, you know? Avoid the hype. We never had any feelings for each other or anything. He’s one of my best friends, and we trusted each other. That seemed like enough at the time. But no, we were never together or anything like that.”  
Alex bites his lip and looks up at Matt’s honest face. He can’t imagine the amount of trust it would take to let someone get that close to you, to let them inside you. Alex knows the basics, like what goes where and everything. But that’s about it. He has no idea what it all entails. But that’s a conversation for another day. He doesn’t think he could get the words out right now. But there is something he needs to know.  
“Do you regret it?” Alex asks, and he manages to look Matt in the eye as he does. Matt bites his bottom lip, and looks up at Alex from under his bangs.  
“It’s complicated,” Matt begins. “I know now that it wasn’t the greatest idea in the world, but I never regretted it. Not until recently. I mean, it was fun. I got off. But it wasn’t anything special. It didn’t really mean anything, and it could have meant so much, had I waited.”  
“Waited for what?” Alex asks softly. Matt smiles, and gently wraps his fingers around Alex’s wrist, tucking his thumb under his bracelet.  
“You,” Matt says simply, and Alex blinks. The backs of his eyes sting and he blinks rapidly as he leans in a little closer. He doesn’t understand how anyone can be so perfect.  
“Matt, I..." He trails off, not knowing what to say. He looks down, and Matt taps the bottom of his chin, making him look back up into Matt’s multi-colored eyes.  
“Lex, listen to me,” he says, all of a sudden serious, and Alex does. He’s always hanging on Matt’s every word. “Just because we’re talking about this does not mean we have to act on anything, okay? I’m loving where we’re at. I am ridiculously happy just to sit in the same room with you. So, promise me you won’t do anything until you’re absolutely sure you’re ready, okay?”  
“I promise,” Alex tells him. He swallows hard and touches Matt’s hand, cupping it in his free hand. “But you have to promise me something, too.”  
“What is it?” Matt’s eyes are serious, ready to promise Alex the moon if he dare ask.  
“Promise me that when I tell you that I’m ready,” Alex starts, holding Matt’s gaze. “You’ll believe me.”  
“Promise,” Matt says softly. He leans in to press a kiss to Alex’s mouth. Alex does the same to him, sealing their promises.


	6. Chapter 6

“This is slave labor,” Matt says with an overdramatic sigh. He’s sitting up on the counter and swinging his feet back and forth. “Borderline kidnapping. A blatant exploitation of my unconditional love for you.”  
“Matt,” Sherry says exasperatedly, cutting him a look. “You offered to come help bag groceries. Now get the hell off of the counter.”  
“But what fun would it be if I didn’t bitch the whole time?” Matt asks sweetly. He hops off of the counter and leans against the end of the check stand.  
“I don’t know if it’d be fun.” She fixes her ponytail, and yawns. “But it’d be peaceful.”  
A young mom and her toddler come up to the register, and Matt makes funny faces at the kid while he bags their groceries. She giggles and tugs on her curly red pigtails.  
“Bye, princess!” He calls once they’re all done at the check stand. The little girl gives him a high-five, and her mom smiles warmly at Matt. He beams back at her, and tucks his thumbs in the straps of his black grocer’s apron.  
“So tell me why you’re working a double and cashiering, Miss Manager,” Matt says as he leans heavily against the counter again. “And more importantly, why I’m here bagging groceries instead of your paid employees.”  
“Because there’s apparently something going around and half the night crew called in sick.” Sherry hides another yawn behind her hand. “And we’re stupidly understaffed.”  
“You know I’m just giving you shit,” Matt says seriously. “I’m always around to, oh fuck my life.”  
Matt’s eyes widen as he spots Alex and the prim, uptight looking woman that must be his mother approaching his mother’s check stand. There’s a younger girl with strawberry blonde hair trailing behind them that has to be Amanda. Of all the cash registers in all the grocery stores in all the world, they choose this one. Alex has his head down, feet shuffling as they draw closer.  
“What is it?” Sherry asks, and Matt nudges her shoulder. She spots them and stands up a little straighter.  
“Just my closeted boyfriend and his evangelic, homophobic mother heading straight for us,” Matt says uneasily, running his fingers through his hair.  
“Oh. Has she met you?” Sherry asks, and Matt shoots her an incredulous look and rolls his eyes.  
“Sure,” he replies sarcastically. “Just the other night I was invited over for pot roast and ice cream sundaes, and then we all sang Kumbaya around the campfire in their backyard. No, she hasn’t met me.”  
“You’re an asshole,” Sherry says simply.  
“You’re an asshole,” he replies. “Oh shit, here they come. This is going to be so awkward. Be cool.”  
“Good evening,” Sherry says once they walk up to the register. “Did you find everything okay?”  
Alex looks up and his eyes widen when he spots them. He looks back and forth, eyes darting over to his mother and back as his cheeks turn red. Matt gives him a reassuring smile.  
“Alexander,” Diana says irritably. “Are you going to help or just stand there?”  
Alex jumps a little, tearing his eyes away from Matt as he unloads the shopping cart onto the conveyor belt. Amanda is reading the covers of all the tabloids. Diana snaps her fingers in her daughter’s general direction.  
“Amanda,” she barks. “Will you stop reading that trash and help your brother? Apparently it’s too complicated a task for him to handle all by himself.”  
Amanda rolls her eyes as soon as Diana turns her head and half-heartedly helps to unload the cart. Alex drops a can of corn on the ground and squeezes his eyes shut before bending down to grab it.  
“Watch what you’re doing, Alexander!” Diana scolds. Matt can damn near see Alex trembling from where he’s standing. He never thought Alex was exaggerating about his family, but to see it first hand is heartbreaking. He wants to pull Alex into his arms, but he can’t even acknowledge that they know each other, let alone their relationship. “I swear you make it a point to be embarrassing.” Alex swallows hard and looks away from Matt and Sherry like he’s ashamed.  
“That’s okay,” Sherry cuts in, laughing awkwardly. She tries to catch Alex’s eye but he steadfastly looks away. “Dented cans are half-price. Go ahead and drop a few more if you want.”  
“That won’t be necessary. I’m sure I can manage to pay full price on a sixty cent can of corn.” Diana says as she takes her checkbook out of her purse. Sherry shoots Matt a look, and rings the rest of their groceries up silently. Matt bags them as neatly as he can, and stacks all the bags in the cart. “Alexander, will you stop fidgeting?”  
“Your total is $89.57,” Sherry says quickly, like she’s trying to save Alex. Diana scribbles out a check, and hands it over.  
“Do you need any help out with your bags?” Matt asks politely as he pushes the cart over to them. Alex takes it, and he jerks a little when their fingers brush. He refuses to look at Matt but he can still see the pain in Alex’s eyes.  
“I’m sure we can handle it,” Diana says snidely, slinging her purse over her shoulder. Matt nods and watches as Alex silently pushes the cart towards the exit, shoulders hunched over like all he wants to do is curl into a little ball.  
“Have a nice night,” Sherry says, and Diana doesn’t return the sentiment before following her silent children out of the store. “What a bitch,” Sherry sneers as soon as the doors shut behind them. Her eyes go soft and sympathetic. “Poor Sweetie.”  
“I don’t know what to do.” Matt feels tears sting the corners of his eyes. “I don’t know how to make it better.”  
“You can’t, Tig,” Sherry says sadly. “You can’t change his family.”  
She loops her arm around his torso and gets up on her toes to press a kiss to his temple. Matt clenches and unclenches his fists, fighting against the urge to run after Alex, and give him a hug. They help a few more customers and Matt has to run and get a new loaf of whole grain bread after he distractedly drops a two-liter of soda on top of one. When the line slows, he leans against the counter again and stares at his shoes. His cell phone vibrates in his pocket and he extracts it to see one new text from Alex. It simply reads, 'I am so sorry.' Matt bites his lip, and blinks rapidly as he replies. 'Don’t worry about it. You do what you have to. I’ll call you when I get home. <3' Matt lets out a harsh breath, and runs his fingers through his hair. They catch on the tangles and he winces. His mom taps him on the shoulder and he looks up to see her handing him a package of sour ropes. He takes them and opens them with a pout, shoving two into his mouth and barely chewing.  
As soon as Matt realized he was gay he told himself that he would never hide who he was. He would never be ashamed. He’s always stuck by it, even when he got teased for being the only out and proud eighth grader at their junior high. But then again, he has a mother that is warm, accepting, and loving. She knows how precious life is, how very short it can be, and that it doesn’t do any good to waste it on pretending to be something you’re not. But then he met Alex. And he’s not hiding himself at all. He hasn’t changed anything about the way he acts. But he did think that when he got a boyfriend that he’d be able to shower him with affection. He figured they’d walk down the halls holding hands, that they’d kiss each other whenever they wanted. He didn’t think that he would ever be with a boy and have to keep it a secret. He didn’t think it’d be so complicated. But Alex is worth keeping, however Matt can get him. They just can’t be themselves out in the open. Not here, anyway.  
“Hey,” Matt says suddenly. He extracts another sour rope from the package as he gets an idea. “Let me borrow your car on Saturday.”  
“Why?” Sherry blows her bangs out of her face. “What’s wrong with your car?”  
“Uh, it’s a piece of shit and I’m afraid to take it out of city limits?” Matt replies. He throws a sour rope at her and she catches it, shoving it in her mouth.  
“Fine, but it better have a full tank of gas when I get it back,” she says, and Matt nods, and gives her a smile in thanks. He has an idea. And face it, his ideas are always awesome.  
************************************************************************  
Alex is lying in bed staring at the shadows on the ceiling when his phone vibrates on the nightstand, startling him from his thoughts. It’s Matt’s name on the display and he thumbs it open eagerly. Guilt has been eating at him ever since he left the grocery store, but he hadn’t known what else to do.  
“Hey,” Alex says quietly. “Look, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what else..."  
“Lex, calm down,” Matt cuts in. He sounds sleepy. “I’m not mad at you or anything. It’s not like you ignored me on purpose. Stop worrying about it.”  
“Okay.” Alex takes a deep breath and relaxes back against his bed. Matt is right. There’s nothing he can do about it now. “Why were you working at the store?”  
“A bunch of people called in sick,” Matt yawns. “Mom called me in to help.”  
“Oh.” Alex bites his lip. “Tell her she can call me too, if she ever needs help.”  
“Will do.” Matt yawns again and Alex can imagine the image of what he looks like all sleepy and snug in his sheets.  
“Are you in bed?” Alex asks, and Matt lets out an affirmative hum. “Why don’t you go to sleep?”  
“Rather talk to you.” His voice is sleepy and rough, syllables dripping off his tongue like thick honey. “You in bed?”  
“Yeah,” Alex says. He’s surprised to find his own voice a little rough as well, dropped an octave lower. He stretches out, one hand resting low on his stomach as the other holds the phone to his ear.  
“Mm, wish you were here with me,” Matt breathes, and Alex swallows hard. “Want you in my arms. Wanna kiss you.”  
“I...I wanna be there too,” Alex says softly as he closes his eyes. It’s not hard to picture himself in Matt’s bed with him, and he actually has to resist the urge to crawl out of the window and make it happen. “Wish I was.”  
“Speaking of,” Matt whispers. Alex feels heat form low in his belly, warm and newly familiar. “We’re going out on Saturday. Picking you up at eleven. Claiming you all day.”  
“Where are we going?” Alex asks curiously. Matt lets out a rough chuckle that does nothing to quell the fire igniting in his veins.  
“It’s a surprise. All you need to know is that I’m going to kiss you a lot,” Matt promises, and Alex shuts his eyes tight as his dick stirs. Matt makes him so crazy, makes him stiff, and hard in his shorts, and Alex doesn’t know how to deal with it. “Gonna kiss that spot on your neck that makes you shake.”  
“Promise?” Alex asks shakily, feeling bold. His hand travels down his stomach, fingers playing at the waistband of his boxers.  
“Promise,” Matt says. “Now I’m gonna go to sleep before I say something stupid.”  
“No,” Alex pleads. “Say something stupid.”  
“Night, Alex,” Matt says after a long pause. Alex resists the urge to let out a whimper of protest.  
“Night,” Alex sighs, flipping his phone shut when the call disconnects. He sets the phone on the nightstand and scrubs his hand over his face.  
His boxers are tented and his dick is throbbing. He keeps one hand over his eyes as he slides the other hand into his boxers and wraps it around his erection. It’s not the first time he’s touched himself and thought of Matt, but it’s the first time he’s done it intentionally. It’s the first time he’s ever let himself wonder what it would feel like to let Matt touch him. Not just casual brushes of his hands across his skin, but to touch him like this. Alex bites his lip and keeps his hand over his eyes as he arches up into his tight grasp. He thinks of Matt’s strong hands, of his pink lips and his tan skin. He thinks about the taut stretch of that skin over his stomach and the paler line of it where his pants slip down. He thinks about Matt’s warm eyes and his soft hair. He thinks about Matt’s slick lips on his skin, pressing in and sucking softly; thinks about his fingers digging into Alex's pale shoulders. He thinks about Matt. It’s over quickly. He bites down on his palm as he shoots, coating his stomach with sticky fluid. He breathes heavily into the dark room and pulls his shirt over his head. He wipes off and crumples it into a ball before shoving it under his bed. He presses his palms into his eye sockets as he comes down, chest heaving up and down in the moonlight. He’s so fucked up and gone over this boy, and there’s no going back.  
************************************************************************  
Matt pulls his mom’s sedan up to the curb with a screech at three minutes to eleven on Saturday morning. He’s already dialing Alex’s number before he even comes to a full stop.  
“Coming!” Alex shouts. He hangs up before Matt can even get a word out. He chuckles and slumps down in the seat, sipping on his iced coffee as he waits. Alex comes jogging up the street and nearly passes the car in his hurry.  
He does a quick double take, obviously not expecting Sherry’s car, and runs around it to climb into the passenger seat. Matt hands him a coffee and Jensen stares down at it with his brows furrowed.  
“Hey,” Matt laughs, reaching over to squeeze Alex’s knee. “It’s coffee. You gonna stare at it or drink it?”  
“I don’t drink coffee,” Alex says. He pulls the wrapper off of the straw and brings it to his lips. He takes an experimental sip and licks his lips, making an approving noise before taking another drink. “Okay, now I drink coffee.”  
“Oh god,” Matt groans. “You’re going to be bouncing off of the walls.”  
Alex doesn’t reply. He’s too busy holding his cup in both hands and slurping. Matt pulls away from the curb and navigates out of town. As soon as they hit a red light, Matt leans over and cups Alex’s chin, pulling his mouth away from the straw to give him a quick kiss.  
“Oh hi.” Alex blinks, and looks around as he comes out of his coffee trance. “Where are we going?”  
“Out of town,” Matt says simply. He grabs his sunglasses from the console and slips them on as he merges onto the freeway.  
“No seriously,” Alex says as he looks around again. “Where are we going?”  
“No seriously,” Matt mimics, grinning over at his boyfriend. “I’m not telling.”  
“Are we meeting up with the guys?” Alex asks curiously, sipping at his drink again. Matt shakes his head.  
“See, there’s this thing couples do sometimes,” Matt tells him. “I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it. It’s called going on a date. I thought we could give it a try.”  
“You’re taking me on a date?” Alex turns in his seat a little. “Where is this date taking place?”  
“I will kick you out of this car, Alex,” Matt warns. “Don’t tempt me.”  
“I have a fear of the unknown!” Alex whimpers. He slumps down in his seat and clutches his coffee to his chest.  
“You love the unknown,” Matt huffs out with a smirk. He turns up the radio and presses down on the gas, sending them speeding down the freeway as Alex laughs in the passenger seat. To his credit, Alex lasts almost a whole hour before asking again.  
“Okay no, seriously,” Alex asks once his coffee is all gone. “Where are you taking me? You could have warned me we were going on a road trip.”  
“It’s not a road trip if we’re coming back the same day,” is all Matt says, chuckling when Alex lets out a low growl. Matt reaches out to trace the curve of Alex’s ear with his thumb, fingertips trailing along his jaw and down the side of his neck before falling away. Alex looks over at him and lets out a soft sigh. He slumps down in his seat again and lets his hands fall into his lap.  
“I have to pee!” Alex exclaims an hour later, ten minutes after he starts squirming thanks to his shiny new caffeine-slash-sugar rush. Matt chuckles and takes the next exit, pulling into a gas station just off the freeway. Alex goes to exit the car but Matt hits the lock button just as he’s reaching for the handle. “Matt!”  
“I’m gonna require payment before I let you go,” Matt says with a little smirk. “Gotta kiss me first.” Alex throws himself over the console and presses his lips firmly against Matt’s, biting down on his bottom lip and tugging. “Wow,” Matt breathes when Alex pulls away. Their faces are an inch apart and Alex pats at Matt’s chest and whines a little. “What?”  
“I really have to pee,” Alex admits, kissing Matt a little softer. Matt chuckles against his plush lips and unlocks the door. Alex gives him one last peck before fleeing towards the restrooms.  
Matt fills up the gas tank while he waits even though he doesn’t really need to yet. Gas is cheap here and this day is already going to make a dent in his meager checking account. He’s still doing the math in his head when Alex comes out of the gas station with a white plastic bag in one hand and cup of coffee in the other.  
“Fuck. I’ve created a monster,” Matt says to himself, rolling his eyes. Alex walks by and Matt snatches the cup from his hand. Alex lets out a sound of protest. “You don’t need anymore coffee. It’ll give you a stomachache, and that would completely fuck up my plans for the day.”  
“Then how come you can drink it?” Alex pouts when Matt takes a sip from the cup.  
“Because I’ve had years to perfect my iron stomach.” Matt makes a face and smacks his lips at the coffee. “Besides, gas station coffee is the devil’s brew. If you’re good, I’ll take you to a Starbucks later.”  
“Fine.” Alex walks around to climb in the passenger seat as Matt drops the coffee in the trash and gets in the driver’s seat. “I bought you sour ropes, but now I think I’m just going to eat them myself.”  
“Aw, see,” Matt replies, biting back a smile. “I was just trying to look out for your well-being and now you’re being plain evil.”  
Alex makes a big show of opening the package of sour ropes and slowly extracting one, dangling it over his open mouth before dropping it in and chewing noisily. Matt rolls his eyes amusedly and guides them back onto the freeway.  
************************************************************************  
A few minutes later Alex sets the half-eaten package of candy on Matt’s lap and taps his shoulder. Matt looks over to see Alex sticking out his tongue. It’s dark purple with all the mixed dyes from the candy. He laughs and washes it down with a swig of Coca Cola.  
“A boy after my own heart,” Matt says, and Alex smiles at him. He doesn’t bother telling Alex that he’s already won it. Matt likes to think he already knows.  
It’s only another twenty minutes or so before Matt is navigating off of the freeway again. Alex twists in his seat and presses his forehead against the glass, knees jiggling up and down. Matt’s going to have to pound some serious sugar if he wants to catch up to his hyperactive boyfriend anytime soon. Not that he’s complaining or anything. Matt figures their destination is pretty obvious once they near the fairgrounds. The tops of the rides loom high in the sky, silhouetted by the bright sun. Matt can’t really gage Alex’s reaction without looking at him, and he has to concentrate on parking in the lumpy field across the street. When they exit the car the smell of fair hits Matt’s nose. It’s freshly cut grass, corn-dogs, cotton candy, farm animals, and summer all rolled up into one distinctive smell that promises hours of fun. That coupled with the noises – giddy shrieks, bells, whistles, and music – makes excitement pump through Matt’s veins.  
“You...you brought me to the carnival?” Alex says as he comes around to stand at Matt’s side. He’s staring up at the ferris wheel with wonder in his eyes and his jaw dropped.  
“Yep!” Matt replies gleefully, throwing his arm around Alex’s shoulder and pulling him in close. “And you know what the best part is?”  
What?” Alex asks softly, still staring up at the rides as he unconsciously tangles his fingers in the back of Matt’s shirt.  
“No one knows us here,” Matt whispers, his nose skimming Alex’s temple as he speaks softly into his ear. “We can be whoever we want, act like whatever we want, and we won’t ever see these people again. We won’t have to answer to anyone.”  
“You mean...” Alex cuts himself off and pulls away. Matt shrugs and holds out his hand with a hopeful smile. Alex looks down at it and then back up at Matt’s face. “You drove two and a half hours so you could hold my hand in public?”  
“Uh.” Matt awkwardly lets his hand fall to his side as he clears his throat. His cheeks flush pink and he drags his toe across the dirt. “I drove for the carnival. The hand holding thing is a bonus. But you don’t have to.”  
Alex smiles softly and then bites his lip as he looks around at all the people milling around the parking lot. He closes his eyes for a second and then meets Matt’s gaze, stepping forward and taking Matt’s hand softly. He threads their fingers together, and smiles nervously, standing close to Matt with their joined hands hanging between their hips.  
“Lead the way.” Matt grins as he pulls him towards the ticket booth. Alex seems a little nervous. His palm is sweating and his eyes dart around. He’s slightly tense like he’s waiting to be yelled at.  
Matt’s grin fades a little. He wants this day to be nothing but fun for Alex. In no way should he feel uncomfortable at any point. Matt suppresses a sigh and lets go of Alex’s hand once they reach the ticket counter to dig his wallet out of his back pocket. He pays for two tickets and two unlimited ride passes and they both hold their arms out for the attendant to put on their wristbands. They enter the fair with Matt a few paces ahead of Alex. He’s trying to give him room to breathe, but Alex surprises him by catching up to him and taking his hand again.  
“I know what you’re doing. Stop it,” Alex scolds as he swipes his thumb over the back of Matt’s hand. “I’m fine. Also, don’t even think you’re getting away with paying for everything tonight.”  
“But..." Matt went to protest, but Alex shook his head.  
“Shh!” Alex interrupts, and Matt pouts. “Now, the only fair I’ve ever been to is a church fair and they pretty much suck compared to this. So, you’re gonna have to lead the way.”  
“Well,” Matt starts, squeezing Alex’s hand and getting up on his toes to look around. “I usually like to start with a snack.”  
“Of course you do.” Alex laughs out, and Matt rolls his eyes with a smile.  
“Shh!” Matt drags Alex over to the food area. The already warm air is hotter there, thick with the scent of grease and fried dough. Matt takes in a deep breath. “What do you want? They have deep fried...well, deep fried everything really.”  
Alex wrinkles his nose and gets up on his toes, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looks around. His eyes land on a particular booth and his whole face lights up.  
“Sno-cones!” He cries excitingly. Matt laughs as Alex drags him over. He orders excitedly,"half red and half blue, please" and bounces when he exchanges his money for his icy treat. He takes a bite of it and shivers, grinning up at Matt with blue teeth. “What do you want?”  
“Something deep fried and terrible for me,” Matt replies. He scans the booths until he finds the one he wants and drags Alex over.  
“Deep fried Snickers bar?” Alex asks with disgust evident in his voice. “Enjoy your coronary.”  
“Oh, I will,” Matt says, letting go of Alex’s hand to grab his wallet. Alex smacks his hand away and hands over some money to the vendor, eyeing Matt threateningly. “Fine!”  
Matt downs his deep fried candy bar and looks around, eyes widening when he spots another sign that’s very relevant to his interests. He wipes the powdered sugar from his mouth and tosses his stick and greasy, chocolate-covered paper wrapper in the trashcan.  
“Holy shit. Are you kidding me? Deep fried smores on a stick?” Matt yells. He even bounces a little. “My life is complete!”  
“Oh no.” Alex catches Matt by the wrist as he tries to run off. “You’re not eating that.”  
“Why not?” Matt pouts and flicks his bangs out of his face. Alex raises an eyebrow and smirks.  
“If I can’t have gas station coffee, you can’t have that heart stopper,” Alex tells him and he slides his hand down Matt’s wrist to take his hand again. “I’m just looking out for your well being.”  
“Throwing my own words back in my face?” Matt beams at him and leans over to snag a bite of his sno-cone. “You’re coming along nicely.”  
They stroll around the fairgrounds hand in hand to get a lay of the land as Alex finishes his sno-cone. They end up in line for the Zipper after he throws his cup away. He shivers violently next to Matt, rolling his blue lips into his mouth. Matt glances over at him and raises an eyebrow.  
“Little chilly, Lex?” Matt asks, and Alex glares at him. He reaches over with the hand that was holding the sno-cone and puts it on Matt’s cheek. Matt jumps at the frozen touch and grabs Alex’s hand. He slides it under his tee and places it flat against his warm skin. The cold touch makes him shiver a little but Alex smiles gratefully. “Your lips are all blue.”  
"Raspberry syrup,” Alex chatters. Matt looks around and keeps both his hands over Alex’s, trapping it against his stomach as he leans in. He moves slowly to give Alex plenty of time to stop him. His eyes widen slightly but he makes no move to pull away.  
Matt reaches up to touch his cheek and his thumb brushes the corner of Alex’s cold mouth. Matt closes his eyes as butterflies flutter in his stomach. Their lips touch softly in the middle of a crowd of people and Alex actually leans into it, cold fingers curling around Matt’s hip underneath his tee shirt. Matt kisses him until his blue lips are warm, until the teenage girls behind them clear their throats and giggle because the gap in the line has gotten so big. Matt pulls away and grins at the girls, winking when Alex laughs and buries his face in Matt’s neck. Matt loops his arm around Alex’s shoulders and Alex’s arm instinctively goes around his waist. They close the gap in the line and Alex rests his head on Matt’s shoulder, warmed up lips brushing the curve of his jaw. They spend around two hours going on all the rides, but after Matt nearly pukes up his deep fried candy on the Gravitron they decide to take a break to play some carnival games. Matt proudly displays his complete lack of coordination, wasting dollar after dollar until he finally wins a goldfish. He stares at the little bag with the tiny fish in it with a raised brow for awhile before finally turning to Jensen.  
“Why did I play for a goldfish?” Matt asks, and Alex shrugs. “I don’t even want a goldfish.”  
“I don’t know,” Alex says. Matt huffs and looks around the area. He spots a little girl tossing her ping-pong balls towards the little fishbowls with a determined expression. Jared walks over and holds up his fish, gesturing over her head to her parents with the bag. They nod and Jared grins as he squats down next to her.  
“You’re really good at this game,” he says. She looks over at him with a tiny pout.  
“I’m trying to be.” She eyes Matt’s fish with obvious envy. Matt bites down a grin, and holds out the bag.  
“Well, you totally won me over,” Matt tells her. “And I guess you can have my fish if you promise to take good care of it.”  
“I will!” She shrieks. Matt laughs as he hands over the bag. “Thanks!”  
“You’re welcome,” he tells her, and she bounces over to her parents. They give Matt grateful smiles and herd her off to her next game. Mat smiles warmly, watching after them for a moment before he pats his knees and stands up. Alex is staring at him when he turns around and Matt’s smile fades. “What?” He asks. “Something on my face?”  
“No.” Alex shakes his head a little. “Just...that was really nice.”  
“Oh, I guess. She’s happy and I don’t have a fish to deal with,” Matt replies, shrugging his shoulders awkwardly. “It’s getting dark. Time for cotton candy?”  
“First I have to kick your ass at a game,” Alex says, rubbing his hands together and looking around carefully. “Ah. There. I can totally knock those milk jugs over and win you that fluffy little bear.”  
“Can’t,” Matt says smugly. “Bet you a dollar.”  
“You’re on,” Alex replies, jogging over to the booth and slapping down two dollars. The attendant gives him three baseballs and Alex grabs one. He tosses it and it goes wide. Matt laughs and Alex glares at him. The second ball gets a little closer but still misses.  
“Admit defeat, Lex!” Matt crows. “That dollar is mine. I wonder how I’m going to spend it. Hmm.” He makes a show up putting his finger to his pursed lips, forehead crinkled in concentration.  
"Don’t get your heart set on that four-piece McNuggets just yet,” Alex tells him. He picks up the last ball and turns to the side, narrowing his eyes and lining up the pitch. He lifts his knee up and everything before launching the ball as hard as he can. It hits the bottles dead center and they all go tumbling down.  
Alex launches his fists in the air and Matt blinks as the attendant pulls a fuzzy brown teddy bear off of the prize shelf. He hands it to Alex who hands it over to Matt with a sneaky grin. Matt takes it and hugs it to his chest, tucking it under one arm before clasping his hands and bringing them up to his chin.  
“Oh, look at that!” Matt says, perfecting a western accent. “My big, strong man!”  
Matt grabs Alex by the front of his tee shirt and pulls him in. The teddy bear gets smashed between their chests as their lips meet. Alex laughs against Matt’s mouth before pushing him back by the shoulder and looking at him fondly.  
“Now, quick!” Matt says as he tucks the bear into the waistband of his jeans. “To the cotton candy!”  
Alex makes Matt upgrade to the large cotton candy as opposed to paying Alex his dollar. The pink candy floss is bigger than Matt’s head and he shoves his face into the warm fluff as they leave the line, ripping off a huge bite. The line for the ferris wheel is a little long. Everyone is sort of gravitating towards it now that night has completely fallen and the carnival is all lit up. Alex presses up against Matt’s side in the line but Matt isn’t sure if it’s because he wants to be close or because of the slight chill in the air. Either way, Matt isn’t complaining. Matt wraps his arm casually around Alex’s shoulders and lets his thumb slip under the sleeve of his tee shirt as they shuffle forward. He keeps tearing off little bits of fluff and feeding one to Alex and then himself. Alex seems relaxed now, happy to lean heavily against Matt out in the open. Now it’s Matt that’s glancing around and keeping an eye out. He knows all it would take is one snide comment to ruin this evening, and Matt thanks his lucky stars that it seems to be a tolerant day at the fair. They settle into their ferris wheel car all smashed together with Matt’s teddy bear nestled between them. Matt puts his arm over Alex’s shoulder and pulls him in close as the attendant secures them in. The car pulls forward and Alex settles against Matt’s side.  
“If you rock this thing, I’ll kick your ass,” Alex warns as he slides his hand under Matt’s shirt to rest against his stomach. He seems to enjoy that spot. Matt sighs happily as Alex’s fingers lazily trace the slight definition of his abs.  
“I won’t rock it,” Matt promises. His fingers dip under the collar of Alex’s shirt to stroke along his collarbone. He likes that spot almost as much as Alex likes touching his stomach. There’s a freckle there that’s just a little bigger than the others and Matt likes to get his mouth on it whenever he can. They’re quiet for the first few rotations of the ride, too busy taking in their surroundings and each other to speak. “We’re almost officially a cliche.”  
“How?” Alex turns his head to look at Matt.  
“Well, we’re capping off a romantic evening at the fair by riding the ferris wheel together,” Matt tells him as his fingertips stroke up and down the side of Alex’s neck.  
“Okay,” Alex replies, cheeks flushing a little. “How is that almost a cliche?”  
“It’s not officially a cliche unless you kiss me at the top.” Matt smirks and Alex bites his lip. The ride goes around for another rotation and then screeches to a halt with Matt and Alex’s car stopped at the highest point. “Okay. That was an eerie coinci..." Matt’s words are lost against Alex’s lips as he’s pulled in for a kiss. Matt parts his lips against Alex’s and his heart pounds in his chest as they lick into each other’s mouths.  
“Now there just needs to be fireworks,” Matt mumbles against Alex’s slick lips. He lifts his hand and shoots his fingers out, shaking his hand slightly. Alex huffs and Matt grins. He lets out a little chuckle before putting his hand on Alex’s cheek and kissing him again.  
They get so lost in the kiss that it wouldn’t matter if fireworks were exploding right over their heads or not. It’s not like they would notice them anyway.  
************************************************************************  
The drive home seems to fly by whereas the drive there seemed to crawl. Maybe the difference is that now their destination isn’t a mystery and he’s not bouncing in his seat from too much caffeine. This time he’s lazing in the passenger seat with his fingers loosely tangled with Matt’s on the center console. His eyelids are drooping but he’s not really tired; just happy and relaxed. Matt exits the freeway and as they get closer to their neighborhood Alex begins to tense. The day has been tremendously perfect and he doesn’t want it to end.  
“Do you want to come over for a little bit, or do you have to go home?” Matt asks, like he’s reading Alex’s thoughts and voicing his dilemma. Alex bits his lip and looks at the glowing clock on the dashboard. It’s nearly midnight. Alex knows he should go home. He told his father he’d be home really late, but he’s pretty sure their definitions of really late don’t match up.  
Oh well. He’s pretty sure they don’t care enough to wait up for him anyway. Sometimes he thinks the phrase ‘out of sight, out of mind’ was coined for the way his parents feel about him.  
“I’ll come over.” Alex is completely unwilling for the night to end. Matt nods and Alex lets out a breath.  
Matt’s house is dark when he pulls the car into the driveway, and the dogs start barking as soon as they step onto the porch. Matt shushes them as he unlocks the door, and Alex catches Sofi by the collar when she attempts to escape. Again.  
“You don’t know how good you got it, girl,” he tells her as he drags her back inside and shuts the door. She lets out a yip and licks across Alex’s face. He scrunches his nose and wipes the dog drool off of his skin with the back of his hand. Matt flips on the light and whistles at the back door. Both dogs go running, and Matt lets them outside.  
“You can stay out there awhile,” Matt tells them as he shuts the door. “Little assholes.”  
“Where’s your mom?” Alex asks when he notices how quiet and dark the house is. Matt stretches his arms over his head and runs his fingers through his hair.  
“Margarita night at her friend Sammy’s,” Matt replies. “As far as I know she’s crashing in the guest room over there.”  
“Oh.” Alex fidgets awkwardly and Matt gestures over his shoulder towards the hall. He disappears into his bedroom and Alex has no choice but to follow. It looks a little cleaner than it did the last time he saw it, and Matt turns on the TV as he shuts the door behind him. He turns off the light, leaving the room lit only by the eerie blue glow of the television.  
“This okay?” Matt asks, like he’s just realizing the situation might appear a little awkward. “I’m sort of tired. Thought maybe we could just catch the end of SNL.”  
“No, it’s fine,” Alex replies, propping himself up against the wall as he toes off his shoes. Matt does the same, and lies down on his bed, scooting over to the wall and leaving the other half empty. Alex crawls in next to him but he doesn’t face the television. He looks at Matt’s profile, sleepy and beautiful in the dim, flickering light.  
“Did you have fun today?” Matt turns on his side to gather Alex in his arms. Their faces are so close, and Alex feels a shiver run down his spine as Matt slips his hands under the back of his shirt to rest on bare skin.  
“Yeah,” Alex breathes. “Thanks, Matt. It was amazing. I...I never thought I could have that.” He buries his face in Matt’s neck, breathes in, and presses himself closer to him. He swallows against the sudden swell of emotion rising up in him; the same sensation he always gets when he’s wrapped up in Matt like this. “I never thought I could have you.”  
Matt’s hand pauses slightly in its path up Alex’s back, but it quickly regains momentum. It travels up under the neck of his shirt. His fingers tangle in Matt’s hair as his shirt rides up and exposes his skin to the cool air.  
“I didn’t think I could ever have you either,” Matt confesses. He pulls back a little to look into Alex’s eyes. “But we have each other now. You’ll always have me.”  
Alex blinks and his heart begins to thunder against his ribcage. The only reaction that comes to mind is to press their lips together, so that’s what he does. This kiss is different than the others, more desperate and needy. He clutches Matt to him, fingertips digging into the hard muscle and soft skin of Matt’s back. Matt rolls Alex onto his back, settles himself on top of him and kisses him harder, tongues tangling and licking. Alex sucks Matt’s bottom lip into his mouth and bites down a little before releasing it. Matt trails his swollen lips along Alex’s jaw and down to his neck, swirling his tongue around and sucking kisses along his skin. He’s being careful not to leave any marks, using more tongue than teeth. Alex whimpers, and his hips jerk of their own accord. Matt tugs the collar of Alex’s shirt down to kiss and suck at the line of his collarbone, teeth barely scraping against skin. Alex lets out a soft moan and Matt shakes in his arms. They kiss again, wetter and messier than ever before. His dick is hard as a rock in his jeans and he instinctively rolls his hips against Matt’s, groaning at the sudden friction as Matt presses down to meet him. Matt moves his mouth to the other side of Alex’s neck and his talented lips do things that make him shake with desire. Alex squeezes his eyes shut, suddenly overwhelmed by it all. It’s so good, all this pleasure coursing through him. It all comes down to the desperate ache in his groin that makes him shake and whine underneath Matt’s strong body.  
“Matt, I want...oh, I need,” Matt makes a soft humming sound and bites softly at Alex’s collarbone. “Please, Matt. Touch me.”  
Matt freezes and his head jerks up so he can look Alex in the eye. He’s panting and his hair is sticking up in all directions as he stares at Alex with wide eyes. It’s hard for Alex to tear his eyes away from Matt’s mouth, all red and swollen, but he manages to meet his gaze.  
“Alex, I..." Matt starts, cupping Alex’s cheek and swiping his thumb over his puffy lips. “Are you sure?”  
“Yeah,” Alex breathes, resisting the urge to roll his hips up again. “Thought about it. I...want it.”  
Matt licks his lips and nods shakily. Time seems to slow down as he puts his hand on Alex’s shirt and pulls it up to expose his flat belly and chest, heaving up and down with each desperate breath. Matt’s hand is shaking as he slides it down Alex’s stomach to the waistband of his jeans, and Alex’s glad to know he isn’t the only one that’s scared. It’s comforting to know he affects Matt just as much as Matt affects him. Matt tries to slide his hand into Alex’s jeans but they’re too tight. Alex squirms and Matt puts his hand over his face, chuckling nervously as he props himself up over Alex. This time he undoes the button on his pants and slowly pulls down the zipper. Alex doesn’t look down, instead choosing to focus on Matt’s face. He’s so terrified but he wants this, no question. Matt cups his erection through his underwear and Alex gasps, fingers tangling in the rumpled sheets.  
“You have to tell me if you want me to stop,” Matt says shakily. Alex reaches up to put his hand on Matt’s chest and digs his fingertips in.  
“Don’t.” Alex looks up at Matt with pleading eyes. “Don’t stop.”  
Matt nods and leans down to press a soft, comforting kiss to Alex’s mouth as his hand dips into his underwear. His long fingers curl firmly around Alex’s dick and he whimpers, crying out into Matt’s mouth as he arches his back. Matt lifts himself up again and his own erection presses into Alex’s hip. He moves his hand in slow, firm strokes along Alex’s dick and Alex curls his fingers around Matt’s wrist as it moves up and down.  
“Feel good?” There is a small smile playing at Matt’s lips as he watches Alex’s face. He nods and lets out a choked moan as the pleasure grows. Good is a massive understatement. Matt’s hands on him like this feels incredible, better than anything he ever could have imagined.  
Matt looks away from Alex’s face and down, letting his gaze travel to where he’s touching Alex. He wants to look too but he can’t tear his eyes away from Matt’s face. He looks enthralled, hungry even. Matt dips his head a little but then jerks back up and bites his bottom lip. He lets go of Alex’s dick and he lets out a whimper as the amazing friction stops. Matt touches the sticky head, fingers gathering the fluid leaking from the tip. He brings his fingers to his mouth and licks them clean, getting the taste of Alex on his tongue. Alex moans softly and squeezes his eyes shut as pleasure crackles up his spine.  
“Tastes good,” Matt says. Alex throws his arm over his eyes as Matt starts stroking him again. “Hey, look at me.”  
Alex pulls his arm back and his eyelids flutter open to see Matt watching him. Alex tenses and his balls tighten as his shoulders curl inward. He cries out and reaches up to clutch at Matt’s shoulders.  
“Let go, Alex,” Matt breathes. His voice is hot against the side of Alex’s neck. “I’ve got you.”  
Alex looks up into Matt’s gorgeous eyes, sees the trust and adoration and desire in them, and lets go. It’s like the rubber band being stretched low in his belly was just released, pleasure and heat exploding outwards until he feels it in his fingers and toes. He cries out and buries his face in the sweaty curve of Matt’s neck, clutching Matt’s wrist as he gently strokes him through the aftershocks. He can feel his come on his belly, more than there’s ever been before, and he whimpers when Matt’s touch becomes too much on his oversensitive skin. Matt pulls his hand away and wipes it on the sheet before wrapping his arm around Alex’s shoulders and guiding him back down to the bed. Alex doesn’t even remember attempting to sit up.  
“You’re gorgeous,” Matt whispers, and softly kisses Alex’s panting mouth. “You okay?”  
“Yeah,” Alex rasps. He finally begins to relax against the bed when his hips stop jerking. He’s still trembling all over, but it’s nice. “That felt good.”  
Matt smiles and lies down on his side, stretched out along the length of Alex’s body. He runs his fingers down Alex’s flank and across his hip and it’s white hot points of pressure against Alex’s sensitive skin. His finger travels through the mess of come on his belly and Alex’s eyes widen as he brings it to his mouth to taste it. Alex feels his cheeks flush red-hot at the sight.  
“Does...is that good?” He asks curiously. Matt looks at him, pulls his finger free and trails it through the sticky fluid again.  
“Not bad.” He licks his bottom lip. “You’re sweeter than me.”  
Alex furrows his brow slightly and looks at Matt askance when he brings his finger up to Alex’s mouth. He closes his eyes and parts his lips, closing them around Matt’s finger when it slips inside. He sucks the taste of himself from Matt’s skin. It’s bitter and a little sweet, but Matt’s right, it’s not bad. He opens his eyes to see Matt biting his lip and watching him with hooded eyes. He tentatively sucks on the tip of his finger and then bites down gently before releasing it. Matt leans in to kiss him and Alex can feel the outline of Matt’s dick pressing against his hip. Alex kisses Matt back and lets a breath out through his nose. He wants to make Matt feel as good as he did. Alex places a shaky hand on Matt’s stomach and slips it down until the tips of his fingers dip under the waistband of his jeans. Matt breaks the kiss and gently takes Alex’s wrist, stilling it.  
“You don’t have to,” Matt mumbles against Alex’s lips, and Alex swallows hard. He tugs his wrist free and reaches up to undo Matt’s pants.  
“I know I don’t.” Alex tries to keep his voice steady. He wants to do this, but he can’t help being nervous. “I want to.”  
He keeps their foreheads pressed together and their gazes locked. Matt’s breath is hot against his lips as he dips his hand into Matt’s underwear and wraps it around his dick. It’s big, hot and heavy in Alex’s hand. It’s probably not that much bigger than his own, but the angle is all weird and he just feels huge and slippery-slick with the fluid leaking steadily from the tip. He also feels really, really good in Alex’s grip.  
“Oh god,” Matt breathes, and clutches at Alex’s bicep. “Shit, Alex. I’m not even gonna..."  
Alex lowers his gaze to see the way his hand looks moving up and down, the red tip of Matt’s dick slipping in and out of the tight curl of his fingers. The image makes Alex gasp and he presses his mouth under the curve of Matt’s jaw, licking and sucking and scraping his teeth. He’s leaving the marks Matt couldn’t, leaving little bruises that Matt can wear proudly enough for the both of them. Matt is loud, whimpering and moaning and making all these little noises that make Alex’s dick twitch with renewed interest.  
“So good,” Matt pants against Alex’s cheek. “Gonna come, Lex.”  
“Do it,” Alex breathes. He pulls back to watch Matt’s face as his orgasm hits. His face scrunches up and his eyes open so wide it’s almost comical; but he still looks beautiful, lips swollen and skin glistening with sweat. His come slicks Alex’s hand and it’s hot and sticky as it runs down his wrist. He loosens his grip and slows his strokes, just like Matt did for him, moving his hand lazily up and down until Matt grips his wrist and stops him.  
Matt flops onto his back and Alex rolls onto his side, mirroring their previous positions. Alex pulls his hand out of Matt’s pants and looks down at the pearly strings of come coating his fingers. He brings his hand to his face and licks a bit of it from his palm, testing it on his tongue.  
“You’re right,” Alex comments. “I am a little sweeter. You taste good, though.”  
“Oh god,” Matt groans, covering his face with his hands and chuckling. “You’re gonna fucking kill me.”  
Alex grins and leans over Matt to grab a dirty shirt off of the floor. He wipes off his hand and then his stomach before dropping the shirt again. He lies on his back and fixes his pants as Matt does the same. They roll towards each other and meet in a sweet kiss, fingers curling into each other’s hair.  
“Mm, you good?” Matt asks as he bumps their noses together playfully. Alex nods and kisses the bow of Matt’s upper lip. “Yeah, you are.”  
Alex snorts and buries his face in Matt’s neck, suddenly feeling giddy. Matt laughs and rubs Alex’s back as he kisses him languidly.  
“Wish you could stay here,” Matt says. That’s when Alex’s eyes catch on the clock on Matt’s nightstand and make note of the time. He clutches Matt tighter, like he’s afraid he’ll suddenly disappear.  
“Five more minutes,” Alex mumbles against Matt’s forehead. Matt smirks against Alex’s jaw and rolls them so Alex is lying on top of him.  
“I can do five more minutes,” Matt breathes, and Alex dips down to press their lips together again.  
************************************************************************  
Matt sleeps in on Sunday mornings. It’s tradition. His mom lets the dogs out for him and he drools into his pillow to his heart’s content. That is, unless his cell phone goes off. He cracks an eye open and sighs as his hand shoots out to grab his phone. He opens it and blinks blearily at the display while he waits for it to come into focus. It’s a new text from Alex and Matt furrows his brow as he reads it.  
"I’m at church. Been thinking. Can I come over after?"  
“Because that doesn’t sound ominous or anything,” Matt mumbles to himself. His stomach drops slightly as he replies, yeah, sure," with a shaky thumb.  
Matt isn’t sure why he’s so nervous about the text. He and Alex have been doing well, considering the circumstances, but the previous night might have changed things. Alex seemed fine when Matt dropped him off, but a lot can change overnight. Matt gets out of bed, too antsy to go back to sleep. Taking a shower and brushing his teeth doesn’t help qualm his sudden nerves, and he drops his waffles on the floor. He grips the counter, shuts his eyes, and takes a deep breath as Mash eats the abandoned waffle. There’s a knock on the door followed by the obnoxious barking of his dogs. He wipes his hands on his thighs and runs his fingers through his damp hair as he sends the dogs to their beds and goes to answer it. Alex is on the other side in a pair of pressed khakis and a light blue button down, hair neatly gelled. He looks adorable and Matt’s heart clenches.  
“Hey,” Alex says as he steps inside. Matt tries to reply but it sort of comes out as a nervous squeak, and he squeezes his eyes shut as he closes the door. “So, I..."  
“If this is about last night, we can go back,” Matt blurts out. His eyes widen and he slaps his palm over his mouth. Alex furrows his brow and tilts his head to the side. “I mean, we can slow down.”  
“What are you talking about?” Alex asks curiously. “Last night was amazing. I...well, really enjoyed last night.”  
A familiar blush stains his cheeks and Matt lets out a relieved sigh. He rolls his shoulders back and heads straight for the kitchen to shove a frozen waffle into the toaster now that he’s suddenly regained his appetite.  
“Your text scared me,” Matt confesses as Alex follows him into the kitchen.  
“Oh, sorry. It wasn’t meant to,” Alex tells him, reaching out to touch Matt’s wrist. “I’m not freaking out over what we did.”  
“Good. Because I probably wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime,” Matt replies. He smirks and licks some butter from his thumb as he sets it and the syrup on the counter.  
“I probably wouldn’t mind it either,” Alex mumbles, looking up at Matt from under his lashes. Matt sort of wants to drag him in his room right now, but he refrains.  
“So, uh.” he furrows his brow and stares down at the counter. “You said you’d been thinking. What about?”  
“Just...I was sitting in church thinking about how my life is changing,” Alex says as he runs his fingers through his hair. Matt grabs his waffle and smears it with butter and syrup before folding it in half like a taco. “I mean, for the better. But it’s changing fast.”  
“It is.” Matt shoves half of the waffle in his mouth and Alex raises an eyebrow as he chews the monstrous bite. He swallows and washes it down with some juice. “Do you wanna talk about it?”  
Alex shrugs and Matt nods casually. It’s important that he not make a big deal out of this. Alex bites his lip nervously and Matt tilts his head to the side. His expression softens and he sets his juice down before stepping forward to cup Alex’s chin in his fingers.  
“You can talk to me about anything,” Matt says seriously, lifting Alex’s chin. “You know that.”  
“Okay,” Alex replies, eyes shining as he meets Matt’s gaze. “Thanks for getting my chin sticky, by the way.”  
Matt rolls his eyes and leans in to lick the syrup from Alex’s skin, getting it nice and clean before pulling away. Alex smiles fondly and leans in to kiss Matt’s mouth, reaching up to poke at his neck.  
“Um, do these hurt?” Alex asks. Matt furrows his brow. “I didn’t mean to bruise you.”  
“Huh?” Matt runs over to the mirror by the door. Somehow he missed the hickeys littering his skin when he was brushing his teeth. He runs his fingers over the purple marks and grins widely. “Sweet!”  
Sofi barks at the back door and scratches at the glass with her paw. Matt rolls his eyes and gestures for Alex to follow him. Alex nods and walks over with him, standing off to the side as Matt opens the door and the dogs go tearing outside. It’s nice outside, sunny with a slight breeze, and Matt walks out into the grass. The dogs take off to their side of the yard and Matt and Alex head over towards the tree, plopping down in the grass as soon as they hit the shade. Alex takes off his shiny leather dress shoes and socks and sets them aside before undoing the cuffs of his dress shirt. He looks more relaxed by the moment and Matt smiles. He can’t help but to lean in and cup Alex’s cheek, kissing his lips tenderly.  
“So what were you thinking about?” Matt asks softly. He kisses him again before sitting back in the grass. Alex smiles and fiddles with his bracelet.  
“That, actually,” Alex says, squinting slightly against the sun as he looks up to meet Matt’s gaze. “You.”  
“Good things, I hope.” Matt chuckles nervously and swallows hard. Alex looks at him for a long moment, utterly silent and still, and Matt fidgets.  
“Yeah,” Alex finally breathes, looking down at his hands and furrowing his brow. “Like I said, things are changing. I’ve been thinking about that, and about the past. Just...ever since I was younger, what I believed in my heart hasn’t matched up with what I was told to believe. And I thought there was something wrong with me because of that.”  
Matt wants to close the few inches of space between them and drag Alex into his arms, but this is important. He needs to let him get it out.  
“But there isn’t,” Alex tells him. He bites his lip and sighs before continuing. “But before...I didn’t have anything worth fighting for. So I just let myself be unhappy, pretending to be something I wasn’t because that’s what was expected of me. I had everything to lose and nothing to gain.”  
Matt swallows hard and digs his hands into the grass. He hates to think of all the pain Alex has silently suffered through for years. He thinks of the sad, agonizingly shy boy he met nearly three months ago and realizes just how much Alex has flourished since then. It’s sort of amazing when he stops to think about it.  
“But then we moved. And I thought it would just be more of the same, you know?” Alex’s voice is shaking slightly with emotion, cheeks flushing pink, and Matt listens like his life depends on it. “But then there was this guy. He was loud and beautiful and sort of crazy, and when I met him he had mashed potatoes in his hair.” Jared lets out a tiny gasp and Jensen smiles bashfully before his face goes serious again.  
“And he honestly terrified me. He made me feel things I was convinced I’d never feel, things I had been telling myself were wrong for so long that I’d sort of started to believe it,” Alex gets out in a rush. Then he breathes in deep and releases it slowly as he hooks his thumb under his bracelet. “But the more time I spent with this guy, the less sad I was. I smiled, I laughed, and I had fun. It was like, I don’t know...my heart felt light for the first time. He helped me realize that my life is mine to live and not anyone else’s. So I decided to take a chance, and I kissed him.”  
Matt swallows thickly and blinks against the sting in his eyes. His heart is pounding and the sounds of his dogs barking barely registers. He breathes deep and smells grass and sunshine along with the faint smell of decaying wood from their tree. There’s this entire world spinning around him, but all that matters at this moment is Alex.  
“Matt, when I kissed you? God, it was incredible. That’s when I knew that I had to do whatever makes me happy,” Alex tells him, letting out a choked laugh. “And that’s really what this comes down to...what this is all about. I have to make my own choices.” Matt can’t wipe the grin off of his face. Alex gets it. He understands. “I see the way you look at me sometimes,” Alex says a little more quietly. He ducks his head and Matt furrows his brow. “Like you’re afraid I’m going to disappear. And I can’t blame you.” Alex lifts his head to shyly meet Matt’s gaze. “That’s why I wanted to tell you all of this. I want to be with you, Matt. I’m going to be with you. It might be scary at times, and maybe a little overwhelming at others, but what we have makes me happy. I wanted you to know that I’m committed to this...to you. You don’t have to look at me like I’m going to disappear because I’m not going to.”  
“God, Alex..." Matt blinks against the unshed tears swelling in his eyes. He surges forward and wraps his arms around Alex’s neck, pressing their mouths together passionately. Alex laughs against Matt’s grin as he topples backwards into the grass. Matt lands on top of Alex with an oomph and props himself up on his elbows over him. Alex wraps his arms around Matt’s torso and lets his hands skim up the back of his shirt. “I’m proud of you,” Matt says softly, the tip of his nose brushing Alex’s.  
“I’m proud of myself,” Alex confesses before pressing a soft kiss to Matt’s jaw. “That was sort of an intense talk, huh? It felt good to say it out loud, though.”  
“Good,” Matt replies happily. “And I mean, I was listening but honestly all I got out of that is that you think I’m beautiful.” He grins widely, letting his tongue peek through his slightly uneven teeth to let Alex know he’s kidding. It helps to lighten the mood, shifting it from intense to playful.  
“Like you didn’t know that already.” Alex smirks and lets his head fall back to the ground.  
“You’re sort of beautiful too,” Matt tells him. Alex smiles, green eyes bright and pink lips stretched over perfect teeth. Matt still isn’t over the how green his eyes were.  
“Okay, stupidly beautiful. Like, make me fall off of lunch tables and land in meatloaf beautiful. That’s what you get for making a spectacle of yourself,” Alex scolds playfully. Matt raises an eyebrow and tickles Alex’s sides with mischief in his eyes. Alex narrows his eyes, and fights back the squirming and giggles rising in his throat, but then he breaks and starts laughing, and pushing at Matt’s shoulders.  
The dogs come over to inspect the commotion; jumping on top of Matt and making his elbows slip out from under him. Matt and Alex’s foreheads knock together and they groan and laugh at the same time. Sofi and Mash lick all over their faces and Alex can’t stop laughing. Matt just takes his licks to the cheek and stares fondly at Alex. This day is shaping up to be pretty good.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex is leaving his math class when Nate suddenly comes up behind him and slings an arm over his shoulders. Alex sags under the sudden weight and turns his head to give his friend an amused eyebrow lift.  
“Hey!” Nate says as he walks them down the hall. Alex isn’t sure why he even bothers to pretend to be straight at school when he has the gay kids hanging off of him all the time. “Matt’s gonna be a little late. He had to drop something off at the office.”  
“Okay,” Alex replies. Nate finally removes his arm and shoves his hands in his pockets.  
“So, uh,” he begins awkwardly, and Alex glances over at him. “Matt told me that he told you about us.”  
Alex stumbles to a halt and looks around before coming to stand in front of Nate. He doesn’t really want to have this particular awkward conversation surrounded by people. He wasn’t really planning on having it ever.  
“He did,” Alex says quietly, and Nate nods.  
“I just wanted to make sure you were cool with it?” Nate’s amber eyes widen slightly. “Okay, well not cool with it, you know what I mean. It was a long time ago and we were stupid hormonal kids. There weren’t like, feelings involved or anything.”  
“It was two years ago,” Alex replies with a shrug. “It’s in the past. before I came along. It doesn’t matter.”  
“Right, okay. Awesome.” Nate grins and Alex smirks at him. He thought it would be weird to be around Nate knowing what he does now, but it isn’t. It’s obvious that he and Matt are just good friends. “Now that that’s out of the way. Is it too early to joke about having a threesome?”  
Alex jumps a little and stares at Nate with wide eyes. His expression quickly turns into a glare when he sees the dopey grin on Nate’s face. He shoves his shoulder roughly and heads towards the cafeteria again. He’s had months to get used to his friends’ raunchy and often inappropriate humor, but sometimes it still takes him by surprise.  
“Okay, fine,” Nate sighs dramatically. “Too early. I get it.” Alex and Nate lean up against the wall outside of the cafeteria to wait for the rest of their group. “I will just redouble my efforts to convert Chance fully to the dark side. It shouldn’t take much.”  
“Chance being straight doesn’t really make sense,” Alex admits, smirking and looking over at Nate.  
“Right?” Nate replies with a chuckle. As if on cue, Chance comes meandering up to them in a soft purple polo shirt with the collar popped, a pair of white cargo shorts, and flip flops.  
“S’up, bitches?” He asks innocently, and Nate and Alex crack up. “What?”  
“No, Chance, seriously,” Nate wheezes, gripping Alex’s shoulder for support. “How are you not gay?”  
“Come again?” Chance asks. Nate reaches out to flick the collar of his shirt. “What, a straight dude can’t rock a lavender shirt?”  
“He can,” Matt cuts in as he appears around the corner. “If he calls it purple.”  
“Well, fuck you all and the cocks you rode in on,” Chance sneers. He looks over at Alex. “Except you, Alex. You’re cool as shit. But your boyfriend can choke on a dick. … Not yours. Or, fuck this, I’m out.”  
He storms through the cafeteria doors and Alex stares after him with wide eyes as Matt and Nate collapse in a fit of giggles.  
“Oh, he’s precious,” Nate snorts. Alex turns his head when he feels a soft nudge against his shoulder. Matt is smiling fondly at him and Alex feels his own expression soften in response.  
“Oye, chico!” Mazi calls as she and Nicki approach “Quieres ganarte un poco de dinero?”  
“Did your girlfriend just call me a little boy hooker?” Nate asks Nicki, and she rolls her eyes.  
“It was implied,” Nicki says, and Mazi winks. “We just left Spanish.”  
“Oh,” Nate replies before turning to face Mazi. “Your mom.”  
“Tu madre!” Mazi shouts, and Alex snorts.  
“I will kill you,” Nate says calmly. “Muerte violenta.”  
“Can we possibly get some food?” Matt asks with an amused smile on his lips. “Tengo hambre. Alex, y tu?”  
“I… am not taking Spanish,” Alex admits sheepishly, and the rest of the group chuckles.  
“Fracaso,” Nate tells him, winking as he enters the cafeteria. They find Chance chatting up a few freshmen girls. Matt grabs him by the ear and drags him away.  
“What the fuck?” Chance shrieks, batting Matt’s hand away. Matt raises an eyebrow.  
“Reassert your masculinity on something that isn’t jail-bait,” Matt tells him. “You can start by not dressing like Ryan Evans.”  
“The guy from High School Musical?” Chance inquires, tilting his head to the side.  
“Oh my god, Chance,” Nate cries as they get into the food line. “You know who Ryan Evans is. You are the gayest straight boy in the world!”  
People start looking over at the source of all the commotion. Alex blushes and ducks his head as he grabs an apple. Not only are his friends the most out and proud gay kids in school, but they’re also the loudest.  
“And like you’re not trying to be the butchest thing on two legs?” Chance asks, looking him up and down. “Kurt Cobain called. He wants his wardrobe back.”  
“Did you..." Nate turns to Matt with a shocked look on his face. “He just did the someone called and wants their something back joke. He took it there, Matt.”  
Alex just shakes his head with an amused smirk as he pays for his food. The weather is nice and the boys can’t shut up so they decide to eat their lunch in their designated “outside spot”, which is really just the small grassy area between the gym and the theater. They all flop down on the ground with their trays, grass stains be damned. Everyone is kind of quiet as they eat, busy enjoying the peace and sunshine. But of course, it’s Chance that breaks it.  
“Oh, BTW, I went and picked these up last night,” Chance says as he digs around in his backpack. He pulls out a zip-lock bag full of something shiny and pink. He extracts one and flicks it at Alex. He picks it up out of the grass and looks at it. “Got them done just in time. The rest are in my car.”  
“You had the buttons made,” Matt deadpans, snatching it from Alex to look at it. They’re just as Chance described, hot pink with STFU for Awareness! in black font. “You are so lame.”  
“Your face is lame.” Chance pushes his tray into the middle of the circle and lays down, using Nate’s leg as a pillow. “So we’re good to go for tomorrow, right? Am I done with my vice-presidential duties until then?”  
“I think so,” Matt replies as he fastens the button to his backpack. “We already did the shopping and everything for the rally. I’ll need help setting that up tomorrow after school. And I’m going to go to the office to make a reminder announcement before school ends today. We’re all meeting at the flagpole tomorrow at seven to pass out the speaking cards and everything.”  
“So early,” Nate moans. He flinches when Matt flicks a pin at him. “I’ll be there, damn.”  
“There’s so many people planning on participating this year,” Nicki chirps, bouncing excitedly. “Our last one’s gonna be a good one.”  
“Don’t do that.” Nate covers his face with his hands and shakes his head. “Don’t talk about school ending. I don’t want to think about like, growing up and shit. I wanna think about how Chance and Matt are going to last the entire day without speaking.”  
Alex chews his food thoughtfully while he listens to everyone talk about Day of Silence. It’s tomorrow, and everyone is really excited about it. Mate hasn’t asked him to participate, which is good because Alex really doesn’t want to let him down. Alex wants to show his support. He just...can’t. Not yet.  
“Hey, I’ve never slipped,” Matt says proudly. “It’s always Chance that can’t keep his damn mouth shut.”  
“Um, fuck you,” Chance replies, pulling his sunglasses out of his bag and slipping them on his face. The warning bell rings and everyone sighs as they get up and gather all their trash to stuff it in the can near the gym entrance.  
“Okay, guys,” Matt says, addressing everyone but Alex. “Tomorrow. Seven. Flagpole by the front office.”  
“Yes sir!” They chirp in unison, saluting him before going their separate ways. Matt smirks and his expression softens when he turns to Alex.  
“Bye,” Matt says softly. “I’ll call you later.”  
“Later,” Alex confirms with a nod. He can tell how badly Matt wants to kiss him, how much he wants to pull him into a hug. Instead he just tugs once on Alex’s bracelet before turning to walk away. Alex looks after him and sighs.  
************************************************************************  
“Matt, I will smack you in your face,” Sherry warns as she pulls a pillow over her face. “Shut up.”  
“But mom, we’re out of dog food. And I don’t think we should get that same kind again,” Matt sits on the back of the couch and rests his foot on his mom’s thigh. “I mean, I know it was on sale but it totally made Mash fart. Are we gonna go to WalMart tomorrow? We should. I think I’m out of deodorant and we need more toothpaste and..."  
“Matt!” Sherry bellows. Matt lets out a whimper. She snatches Matt’s phone off of the table and flips it open, pressing a button before bringing it to her ear. Matt raises an eyebrow.  
“What are you doing?” Matt asks. He shakes her hip with his socked foot. “Who are you calling? Give me my phone!”  
“Alex?” Sherry asks. Matt scrambles off of the couch. “Yeah, I’m gonna need you to talk to Matt before I wring his freaking neck. Here.”  
“Mom! That was so embarrassing, what you just did!” Matt snatches the phone and glares at her before storming into his room. “Hello?”  
“Uh, hey,” Alex says cautiously. “What’s going on?”  
“She’s pissed at me because according to her I always get super chatty the night before Day of Silence,” Matt says, rolling his eyes. “I have no idea what she’s talking about. Anyway. What did you have for dinner? My mom made this casserole thing that I thought was going to be gross but it actually turned out really good. And then I gave the dogs some because they were begging and then Sofi threw it up. So, that sucked. But we had cheesecake for dessert. Bonus points.”  
“Matt,” Alex laughs. “I think she has a point.”  
“Really?” Matt chuckles and switches his phone to the other ear. “Well, shit. So how are you? Tell me. I’ll be quiet.”  
“Well, just another boring night in the household,” Alex says quietly. “My mom is acting even more holier than usual. I don’t know what that’s about. I just finished my homework and I was about to go to bed. That’s… about it.”  
“Titillating,” Matt laughs, stretching and kicking off his jeans. He sets the phone down to pull off his shirt and grabs it again quickly. “I should probably go to sleep here soon too. Gotta get up super early, and I think I talked myself into exhaustion.”  
“About that,” Alex says hesitantly just as Matt face plants into his pillow. He quickly rolls over onto his back and stares at the ceiling. “I know we haven’t really talked about it, but...I mean, you’re okay with the fact that I’m not participating, right?” Matt bites his lip and sits up to run his fingers through his hair. He stares at his blank television screen and tries to come up with the right words to say.  
“Alex.” He makes sure to pitch his voice low and soothing. “Look, you know that someday I’d like everyone to know about us. But I know that isn’t possible right now, and I understand that. I’m just happy to be with you, Lex, any way I can get you.”  
“Okay,” Alex replies in a shaky little voice. Matt pinches the bridge of his nose. “Matt, you know I...I mean...”  
“I know, Alex,” Matt says softly. “You don’t have anything to worry about, okay?”  
“Okay.” Alex lets out a deep breath. He sounds exhausted, weighed down. “I think I’m going to go to sleep.”  
“Sure thing, Lex,” Matt tells him as he pulls his covers up to search for his remote. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”  
“Tomorrow,” Alex echoes. “Night, Matt.”  
“Night.” Matt hangs up the phone and sighs, scrubbing his hand over his face. He plugs in his phone and makes sure the alarm is set before turning his TV on low and settling into bed. “NIGHT, MOM!”  
“Shut the fuck UP!” She screams back, and Matt chuckles as his eyes slip shut. He needs his sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.  
************************************************************************  
Alex is sort of blown away by the amount of people participating in Day of Silence. Just on the way from the front of campus to his English classroom he sees a lot of people dressed in black. Almost all of them have Chance’s pins adorning their shirts next to a rainbow colored ribbon. Alex knew from Matt that their school had an unusually large and active GSA, but he completely underestimated the amount of people that would be taking part in this event. Much more than just the amount of the GSA. It’s sort of incredible. The classroom is unusually quiet as Alex takes his usual seat in the back. Matt skids in just before the bell and the sight of him makes Alex choke on a sharp intake of air. He’s dressed in a tight black button down with the sleeves rolled up just past his elbows and a pair of black slacks. He’s wearing his black Converse with the rainbow shoelaces and his smile is a little less radiant than usual. Alex figures that it’s because as excited as Matt was for this event, the theme isn’t exactly a happy one. Matt swings into his seat and pulls a pad of sticky notes out of his pocket. He scribbles something down on one of them and rips it off the pad, leaning over to stick it on Alex’s cheek. He raises an eyebrow and pulls it off, turning it around to look at it. It reads, 'Hey!' in Matt’s messy scrawl, and Alex smiles. He turns his head to reply but Matt is digging around in his bag. He sits up and sets a Hershey’s Heart on Alex’s desk. Alex takes the chocolate and bites his lip as Matt sets his speaking card down. Class seems to crawl by unusually slow. Mrs. Chandler gives a halfhearted lesson about their current reading assignment and Alex struggles to pay attention. He’s too busy staring at Matt, too weighed down by his thoughts.  
“Alex?” She asks, and he looks over at her. He has no idea what she’s said in the last five minutes and he swallows hard. “What can you tell me about what Of Mice and Men has to teach us about the nature of human existence?”  
Alex blinks. There are so many things he could say about the topic, a whole handful of answers he could give, but when he opens his mouth no sound comes out. Thing is, he’s tired. He’s tired of being torn in two different directions. He’s sick of hiding and pretending to be something he’s not. He’s done with being unhappy when he should have all the happiness in the world. It’s time to make a decision. It’s time to take a stand for something for once in his damn life. He needs to reach out and fully grab what he wants. Finally. His hand is trembling as he reaches over to take the speaking card from Matt’s desk. His boyfriend looks over at him with a confused expression and his eyes widen as Alex lifts it in the air. His heart is beating wildly, blood pulsing through his veins. He tenses like he’s waiting for some sort of blow, but absolutely nothing happens.  
“Sure thing, Alex,” Mrs. Chandler says warmly. A few people turn to look at him for a moment before facing front again, but that’s it. “I’ll get you on Monday. Would anyone else like to take the question?”  
Alex sets the card down and leans forward to rest his forehead on the cool surface of the desk. Matt tugs on his shirtsleeve and Alex turns his head, cheek pressed against the wood as he looks over. Matt’s eyes are wide and his cheeks are pink. He looks confused and hopeful, and Alex smiles a little. He feels good, all things considering. Matt opens his mouth and snaps it shut, looking a little frustrated as he leans over his sticky pad again. He tears off another piece and smacks it down onto Alex’s desk. He sits up to read it.  
'What the hell are you doing?'  
Alex looks over at Matt for a long time, feeling calm and happy just at the sight of him. He takes his candy and unwraps it, popping it into his mouth as he picks up his pen to write a reply.  
'What I want to do.'  
Alex knows there will be consequences of this decision. But right now? He can’t bring himself to care. Matt is in high spirits when he meets the group in front of the cafeteria at lunch. Alex nudges his shoulder when he arrives and gives him a private smile. Alex is the only one not wearing black, and he looks a little out of place in his jeans and dark blue polo shirt. Everyone is still as Alex steps up to Chance. He pokes at the pink button pinned to Chance’s shirt and then points to his own chest. The blush on his cheeks as he tries to get his point across using only charades is completely adorable. Chance looks confused and everyone else looks surprised, but when Alex glances over at Matt, he gives him a proud smile. Alex grins and tugs on Chance’s pin again.  
“What? Are you serious?” Chance asks, and everyone throws their hands up in the air. “Shit! God...“ Chance slaps his hand over his mouth and Alex bites down on a laugh, holding out his palm expectantly.  
Chance swings his bag around to the front and digs into it to extract a pink button and a small strip of rainbow fabric twisted and pinned into a ribbon. Alex takes the items with a nod and comes to stand in front of Matt. He drops the pins in Matt’s hand and tilts his chin up slightly. Matt’s fingers are shaking slightly as he fastens the pins to Alex’s shirt, fingers brushing bare skin. There are people looking at them as they pass, but Alex doesn’t seem to notice. His eyes are locked firmly on Matt’s and his gaze doesn’t waver. People have been asking Matt about him and Alex for weeks, and he’s always dodged the question. But now, as he rests his palm flat over Alex’s heart for a moment, he thinks he won’t have to. They get their food in collective silence and head out to their outside spot without a word. They all flop down onto the grass and use each other’s body parts as pillows as usual. The only difference is that this time Alex joins them. He rests his head on Matt’s stomach and his foot on Nate’s thigh. He seems at ease, completely happy with his decision for the time being. Matt basks in the sunshine and plays idly with Alex’s hair. This day is always one of pride and accomplishment but right now, in this moment, he’s never been more proud in his life.  
************************************************************************  
Alex lasts the entire day without speaking, which in itself isn’t much of an accomplishment considering he rarely speaks when he isn’t around Matt anyway. But still, it’s the reason he chose to keep his mouth shut that speaks volumes. It’s not often that Alex meets up with Matt after school. Matt usually has some sort of activity and Alex will either go home or wait in the library. The Breaking the Silence rally is scheduled to start at three-thirty, and everyone was going to head there after the last bell to help set up. Alex originally didn’t include himself in on those plans, but now he figures he might as well go all the way. On his way to the gym he spots Matt, Chance, and Mazi rushing in the opposite direction. They seem preoccupied, expressions pinched as they quickly make their way towards the front of campus. Alex pauses as an unsettling feeling forms in the pit of his stomach. He decides to follow them. There is a surprising amount of noise filtering from the parking lot, and Alex watches as students in head to toe black rush across the courtyard and disappear between the front office and the cafeteria towards the source of all the commotion. He loses sight of Matt in the thrall and his breathing speeds up as he races forward. He keeps his head down as he makes his way through the small crowd to find Matt at the front. He’s standing tall with his feet planted and his fists clenched, looking angry and defiant as he stares straight ahead. Alex looks up to find himself on the front-lines of a battle he had chosen sides in but wasn’t yet prepared to fight. On the other side of the street, just on the edge of campus, protesters are gathered. There aren’t that many, far fewer than the amount of students gathered on the opposite side, but it’s enough to make an impression. They’re all carrying picket signs and wearing tee shirts with anti-gay messages on them, and Alex’s heart stops beating as he focuses on the protester standing front and center.  
Alex’s eyes lock on his mother at the same moment she recognizes him. They stare at each other, horrified and devastated. There’s a man standing next to her with a loudspeaker. He’s preaching into it about how homosexuality is a sin, how they’re all going to Hell. Alex’s first instinct is to flee, but his feet are frozen to the ground. The world is falling down around him and Alex can’t take his eyes off of his mother. She’s never looked more ugly, more horrible and cruel. He’s never wanted to distance himself from her more than he does in that moment. Matt lets out a gasp next to him, looking from Alex’s trembling form to the group of protesters and back like he just recognized who he’s standing up against. Alex shoots him a desperate look before turning his gaze back on his mother. She stares back with a callous hatred that he has never seen before and he shudders under the weight of it. All around him people are linking hands, threading fingers with their allies and standing united against their common enemy. He looks around at the sea of brave, determined faces. He sees a few pairs of eyes swimming with tears, struggling with hardship, but they never waver. He wants to be as strong as these people. He wants to fight with them. He tears his eyes away from the train wreck in front of him, the loud swarming mass of hate, to look at Matt. He’s so beautiful, so proud and strong in the face of so much adversity. He never stops fighting for what he wants. He never gives up. Alex is in awe of how much he can bend and not break, of all the weight he can carry on his shoulders. Alex is standing in the middle of a literal incarnation of the war he’s been battling inside his head for months, wavering between good and evil, and he has to decide which side is which. He looks around at his peers, at their linked hands and defiant expressions before looking back at the protesters with their hands clasped tightly around their picket signs, hateful scowls marring their faces.  
He thinks about how the people behind him have made him feel over the past few months and compares it to how the people in front of him have made him feel for a lifetime, and it’s like the choice is already made. It’s not hard to take a step backward and be welcomed into the fold. Mazi takes his hand and he holds it tight as he looks over at Matt. Their eyes meet and with just one glance Alex knows this is worth fighting for. He takes Matt’s wrist and wraps his fingers around it, thumb tucked underneath his jelly bracelets. It’s a mirror image of the simple touch Matt uses to let Alex know that he’s there for him, that he’ll never stop fighting and he’ll never let go. Alex can only hope it translates, that it’ll mean the same the other way around. He can tell by the look on Matt’s face that it does. His mother has started screaming louder and waving her sign higher, but her burning eyes never leave Alex’s distraught face. Finally she lowers her sign with her gaze blazing threateningly on Alex as she retreats. Taking a stand here might have been a simple choice, but now he has his own battle to fight. He doesn’t think it’ll be this easy. He pulls his hand away from Mazi’s and looks over at Matt. He lets go of Matt’s wrist but he catches his hand, eyes boring deep into his.  
“I have to,” Alex whispers. Matt’s eyes are wet and shiny as he nods slowly. He pulls on Alex’s bracelet once before letting go altogether. Alex takes all the strength he can from the look in Matt’s eyes. He tries to be proud and strong and brave, and he steps away from the group.  
He takes off into a jog and he can’t help but to feel like the world is spinning. This is everything he was afraid of. This is everything he’s been waiting for. This is it.  
************************************************************************  
Matt swallows hard and pulls the phone away from his ear, flipping it shut and bringing it to his mouth. Mazi comes over to sit next to him and rests her hand on his knee.  
“Still nothing?” She asks. Matt shakes his head and gives her a sad smile.  
“His phone is off.” Matt shoves his fingers into his hair as he leans back against the wall.  
“I hope he’s okay,” Nicki says as she drops down next to her girlfriend. Chance and Nate share a concerned look and sit down on two backwards chairs, resting their chins on their hands.  
“He’s stronger than he thinks he is,” Matt mumbles as he stares down at his silent phone. His chest is tight with worry and fear, but he knows Alex can handle this. All Matt can do is wait, and be ready when Alex needs him.  
************************************************************************  
Alex stalls as much as he can; wandering through the park with his hands shoved in his pockets as he mentally prepares himself. Finally he has to admit that he knows his parents all too well. No miracle will occur tonight. He walks through the front door of his house with his chin held high, but he knows this particular story won’t have a happy ending. His parents are sitting in the living room, stony and quiet. His mother has a glass of wine in her delicate hand and his father’s hands are clenched into fists on his lap.  
“Alexander,” his father growls out. He swallows hard. “Explain yourself. Now.”  
Alex wants to demand that they explain themselves. He wants to know how they can survive with so much hate in their hearts. Doesn’t it eat them up inside? It’s sort of funny when Alex thinks about it. He’s spent years being terrified of this exact moment. It’s kept him up at night, made him cry and made him feel worthless and weak. And now that it’s here, he’s not scared. He’s actually strangely calm, a strong resolve tinged with an edge of residual nervousness. He just wants the moment to end.  
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Alex says. He blinks and looks over at his mother. “You know what you saw.”  
“I saw you with those...those people,” his mother spits. “There were whispers at the church of you running with a bad crowd, but I didn’t dare believe it. I thought we had taught you the difference between right and wrong.”  
“I have a perfect understanding of the difference between right and wrong,” Alex says sternly. He thinks of Matt and Sherry and all the good they put out into the world, about how hard they work and how they ask for nothing in return. “But I didn’t learn it from you.”  
“You watch your mouth, young man,” his father demands in his irritating northern drawl. His mother looks at him again, wet eyes blazing.  
“I saw you,” she says, with disgust dripping from every syllable. “I saw you with that boy.”  
“That boy is very important to me,” Alex gets out. He’s proud of the way he keeps his voice from trembling. His father suddenly slams his fist down on the arm of his chair and stands up, tossing his newspaper to the floor. Alex tenses slightly and his mother jumps up as well, nervous eyes darting between her husband and her son.  
“That’s it, Alexander!” He shouts. Alex swallows hard as he stares at him with wide eyes. “I won’t stand for this. You are never to see that filthy pervert again, you hear me?”  
“You can pray for forgiveness,” his mother says steadfastly, and Alex struggles to breathe. “You can repent for your sins.”  
“That’s...that’s just not going to happen,” Alex says breathlessly while shaking his head. The mere thought of never seeing Matt again is too painful, too ridiculous to even comprehend.  
“Alex, there’s no room for discussion,” his father says, and his eyes are wide with fury. His voice is so loud and Alex struggles not to cower before him. But he is not bending on this. There is no way he’s cutting out the best thing in his life to make someone else happy. “This is how it’s going to be.”  
“No, it’s not,” Alex says defiantly. His hands shake as he takes a brave step forward. His father’s eyes widen like he’s surprised that his weak, cowardly son seems to be standing up for himself. “I want to be with him.”  
“No,” his father replies loudly just as his mother places a prim, shocked hand over her mouth. “Why would you want something like that?”  
“Because I’m gay!” Alex shouts. The word reverberates around the room like a gunshot. His parents flinch and Alex blinks. For all he’s gone through, that’s the first time he’s actually said it out loud. It feels good, a little like release. It feels like honesty. It feels right.  
“No,” his father repeats loudly. “I don’t even want to hear you..."  
“I’m gay,” Alex says again, a little louder. He lets out a harsh breath and says it again, quieter and a little awed, mostly to himself. “I’m gay.”  
Alex is nearly knocked off of his feet when his father’s fist connects with his jaw in a powerful and unexpected punch. He feels his lip tear against his teeth and he takes a staggering step back as pain blossoms from his jaw and outward, intense and white hot.  
“I said I didn’t want to hear that come out of your mouth again,” his father says, but he’s blinking down at his hand like he’s a little shocked. His mother gasps and it takes a moment for the sudden shock to wear off. Alex shakes his head to clear the dizziness and reaches up to touch the corner of his mouth. His fingers come away wet and sticky with blood.  
Alwz has never been hit before, and to have it come with such force from his own father just cements what he was already coming to understand. He doesn’t want to be around these people. It’s sort of a sad realization to come to, but he doesn’t feel like a part of this family anymore. He doesn’t know if he ever did.  
“You can’t beat it out of me,” Alex says. There are tears in his eyes but he blames it on the split lip and sore jaw. “This is who I am. I’m gay. I didn’t choose it, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t change it. But now I don’t even want to anymore. I like who I am. I like how that boy makes me feel.”  
“I don’t want to hear this,” his father says, waving a dismissive hand. Alex takes a step forward and gives his father a blood-tinged, slightly hysterical smile.  
“I’m happy,” Alex says strongly. “And for once in my life neither of you can take it away from me.”  
Alex shuts his eyes tight as his father fists both hands in his shirt and slams him against the wall. He forces his eyes open even as the wind is knocked out of him and he struggles to meet his father’s hateful glare.  
“You have five minutes to get the hell out of this house,” he spits out. Alex blinks owlishly and trembles in his father’s tight grasp. “You’re not a part of this family anymore.”  
“Brian,” his mother gasps out, and his father finally releases his grip. Alex sags against the wall and blinks against the sting in his eyes. He looks over at his mother but she says nothing more. She just stares at Alex with a strange mixture of contempt and regret.  
Alex nods and turns to head up the stairs on unstable feet. His breath is hitching in his chest but he can’t fall apart, not yet. He comes up to his bedroom door and rests his forehead against it, taking a moment to compose himself. A soft touch on his shoulder makes him jump and he turns to see his older sister with tears in her eyes. Amanda...he’d almost forgotten. He stands up straight and waits for her to condemn him as well. He tries to hide his surprise when she reaches up to press a warm, wet cloth to his split lip. She sniffs a little and Alex stares at her.  
“He’s what has been making you happy,” she asks, and Alex nods a little. Amanda smiles sadly and pulls the cloth away, folding it over to hide the blood. “What’s his name?”  
“Matt,” Alex whispers roughly. He swallows hard as Amanda nods. Two tears roll down her cheeks and Alex wants to sob. He had no idea she cared so much about him. He had no idea he cared so much about her. She’s his older sister, and he’s leaving her.  
“You should be with him,” she tells him. “Nothing that makes you smile like you have been can be bad.”  
Alex nods and opens the door to his room to stumble inside. Amanda helps him stuff his clothes into a duffle bag. He doesn’t take much else – the laptop and other electronics he saved up for and bought himself along with his CDs and school stuff. The bag is full and heavy by the time they’re done, and he huffs a breath and runs his fingers through his hair. Amanda writes something down on a piece of paper and hands it over sheepishly. It’s a phone number. Alex blinks and stares at her.  
“What’s this?” He asks her, while he looks at the paper.  
“It’s my phone number,” she replies. “I, uh...saved up and bought one of those pay as you go phones. They don’t know about it. Please stay in touch with me?”  
“I will,” Alex promises and sticks the scrap of paper in his pocket. There’s an awkward moment before they’re both moving forward and wrapping their arms around each other. Alex squeezes his eyes shut as he feels a tear roll down his cheek. He can’t remember the last time they hugged like this, and it’s a shame it’s finally happening because he has to say goodbye.  
Amanda lingers in his room as he hefts the bag over his shoulder, wincing as he carries it down the stairs. His father is back in his armchair and reading the paper like nothing ever happened. His mother is on the sofa with her face in her hands. Alex pulls his keys out of his pocket and stares at the shiny silver house key all alone on a little silver ring. He takes a deep breath, places the key quietly on the small table by the door, and leaves without so much as a backwards glance.  
************************************************************************  
It’s nothing but sheer force of will that gets him to Matt’s house. He’s exhausted from carrying all of his belongings and his chest aches from trying to hold himself together. He finally heaves himself up onto the sagging porch and drops the bag with a grunt as he rings the doorbell. The dogs start up and Sherry yells at them. It’s so comforting Alex almost smiles. She pulls the door open and tucks her messy hair behind her ears in a familiar gesture. It’s just past dusk and she flicks on the porch light. Alex blinks against the sudden brightness.  
“Sweetie? What happened?” She looks from Alex’s upset expression and his tender jaw to the overstuffed bag on her porch.  
“I....they kicked me out." He struggles to get the words out, chest hitching with each breath. “I didn’t know where else to go.”  
“Oh, Honey.” She surges forward to wrap an arm around him, grabbing his bag with one hand and dragging it over the threshold as she pulls him inside. “He hit you?”  
Alex doesn’t answer, too busy blinking back tears. The dogs come over to sniff at him but they seem to sense the gravity of the situation because they simply whine and retreat to their corner. She pulls him into the kitchen and puts some ice in a zip-lock bag before wrapping it in a dish towel. She presses it against the corner of his mouth and he hisses slightly. She makes an apologetic noise and cups the back of his head.  
“Matt?” He mumbles out pathetically, voice muffled against the towel. She bites her lip and drags her nails across his scalp soothingly.  
“He’s still at the rally,” she says softly. “Baby, he’s so worried about you. I’ll call him, but first I want to show you something, okay?”  
Alex furrows his brow as she sets the ice down on the counter and steers him down the hall. Sherry’s room is at the very end and on the right is Matt’s bedroom. The door across from it is the storage-slash-guest room. Alex has never been inside. This is the door she brings him to. Alex’s forehead crinkles in confusion as she opens the door and leads him inside. She flips on the light and clears her throat as she comes in to stand next to him. It’s a nice room. The walls are a soft orange and the bedding is ruby red with silver accents. Matching curtains fall over the window, and there’s a small wooden dresser and matching desk on the opposite wall.  
“Do you like it?” Sherry asks tentatively. “All I really had to go on was your favorite color.”  
It hits Alex then, and he nearly staggers against the force of it. He blinks rapidly as his eyes land on a framed photo of him and Matt hanging on the wall. He remembers Sherry taking it; just a random candid of them lying together on the floor, dozing in and out with Matt’s arm slung over his hips and a dog on either side of them.  
“Sherry, is this...did you...oh god.” He looks over at her and feels such a rush of warmth and affection for this incredible woman in front of him that he doesn’t know how to contain it. She shrugs like it was no big deal, like she doesn’t mean the world to him.  
“I have to admit, Alex, that I saw this coming a long time ago,” Sherry says as she looks around the room. “And well, I want you to stay here. And it’s not because of pity, and it’s not out of charity. It’s because you’re a part of this family now, and the house feels a little empty without you.”  
“I don’t know what to say,” Alex replies shakily. “No one has ever done anything like this for me. I just..."  
A tear slips down his cheek and she rushes forward to envelop him in a crushing hug. He wraps his arms around her and rests his chin on her shoulder, taking a deep breath and wondering what he did to deserve these amazing people in his life.  
************************************************************************  
Matt gets the call from his mom that Alex is at their house and that he’s safe. He’s a little hurt and a lot upset, but he’s okay. She tells him that Alex needs him. He leaves his friends to take care of the rally and gets Nate to give him a ride home, not willing to waste time getting there on foot. The car barely comes to a stop before he’s scrambling out of it, running up the walkway and jumping onto the porch. He nearly trips over something on his way through the living room and looks back to see a large duffle bag. His heart sinks a little, but it’s not unexpected. The living room is empty so Matt skids around the hall. The only open door is the spare room, but Matt doesn’t take the time to question it as he goes through it. He notices the new paint and furniture along with the framed picture on the wall, and he vows to get his mom an extra special Mother’s Day present. She’s sitting on the bed with Alex and rubbing his back in soothing circles. He looks up as Matt approaches, and the pain in Alex’s wet eyes nearly breaks him. The split lip and blossoming bruise on Alex’s face makes him shake with rage, but anger isn’t the emotion he needs right now. He takes a deep breath and sits down on the other side of Alex, wrapping one arm around him and pressing a kiss to his temple. His mom does the same and squeezes Alex tightly before letting go. She gets up and Matt gives her a fiercely grateful look as she leaves the room. She hits the light switch on the way out, leaving the room lit only by the soft light of the moon filtering in through the window.  
“It’s over,” Alex whispers. He sounds tired and defeated. “They know everything, and they...they don’t want me anymore.”  
“I want you,” Matt says automatically, the words spilling out in a tumbled rush against Alex’s skin. “We want you. You have a home here.” Alex nods and Matt kisses his cheek as his hand strokes up and down Alex’s back. He toes off his shoes and leans down to tug off Alex’s.  
“It hurts,” Alex admits in a choked voice. Matt bites his lip and his eyes sting as he stretches out on the bed. He rolls onto his side and pulls Alex down with him, his back fitting against Matt’s chest. Matt wraps both arms around his torso, hooks his chin over Alex’s shoulder, and tucks his knees into the back of Alex’s.  
“I know it does,” Matt whispers as he holds him even tighter. He can feel Alex shaking in his arms, shoulders quaking and breath hitching. “It’s okay, Lex I’ve got you. You can let go.”  
Alex reaches up to wrap his fingers around Matt’s forearms, nails digging in slightly. He’s silent for a few minutes before he starts to cry. Softly at first, but it’s not long before he’s sobbing, pained sounds being wrenched from him as he shakes in Matt’s grasp. Matt just holds him through it. It hurts to see but he knows Alex needs it. He’s kept too much pent up for too long, and now it’s all come to a head. He needs to let it out. It seems to go on forever, Alex sobbing and clutching at Matt desperately, pressing back against him like he’s his only anchor to the here and now. Matt never lets go. He just keeps his forehead pressed against the back of Alex’s neck while tears slip silently from his own eyes. Alex’s pain is tangible in the air, something real and devastating, and it’s impossible not to feel it. He would do anything to take it away, but he knows all he can do right now is hold Alex together when all he wants to do is fall apart. The sobs finally start to subside and Alex heaves one last sigh before calming down a little. Matt tugs lightly at his shoulder and Alex rolls over to face him. His eyes are red and swollen, sore looking, and Matt presses a soft kiss to his brow. Alex looks exhausted, fed up and worn out, and Matt can’t blame him. He wrangles the covers out from underneath their bodies and pulls it over them before gathering Alex’s lax, sleepy body up in his arms. His hand slips under the back of his shirt to rest against bare skin and Alex sighs, tucking his head under Matt’s chin and resting his hands against Matt’s chest.  
“Get some sleep, Lex.” Matt suggests gently, rubbing his back up and down. Alex blinks and Matt can feel the tickle of his eyelashes against his skin.  
“Don’t leave, okay?” Alex asks in a tiny, desperate voice as he tangles his fingers in Matt’s shirt. Matt swallows hard and holds Alex even tighter. He slips one of his thighs between Alex’s legs and kisses the top of his head.  
“Not going anywhere,” Matt whispers, pressing another kiss to his hair. “I promise.” Alex nods and sags against Matt, lashes fluttering against his skin. Everything is calm for a few moments, and he thinks Alex might have fallen asleep.  
“I don’t regret it,” Alex whispers suddenly as he tugs lightly at Matt’s shirt. Matt’s eyes brim with tears again and he draws a lopsided heart on Alex’s back with the tip of his finger. “I don’t regret you.” Alex doesn’t say another word as he falls into a deep sleep all wrapped up in Matt’s arms


	8. Chapter 8

Alex wakes up exhausted. He’s sprawled out on his stomach with his head half buried under a fluffy pillow. His shirt is rucked up all the way under his armpits from all his tossing and turning, and there’s a sour taste in his mouth. His eyes are swollen and sore and he squeezes them shut again. He feels clammy and gross, too hot in his clothes and blankets. There’s a soft touch on the bare skin of his back and Alex sighs. Last night comes flooding back to him and he swallows, unwilling to move. Matt’s fingers are tracing indistinguishable patterns on his back, moving in swirls and circles and zigzags in a touch as light as a butterfly’s wings. It’s comforting.   
“Hey,” Alex rasps out. His voice is deep and rough. Matt’s hand stills before his fingers spread outward and his palm presses against his skin.   
“You’re alive,” Matt replies airily. “I was beginning to worry.”   
“Times’ it?” Alex mumbles as he rolls onto his back and rubs his aching eyes. Matt is shirtless and upon further inspection also pants-less, clad only in a pair of boxer briefs. Alex takes a moment to appreciate the sight of all that slightly tanned skin, but he’s in no state to act on it.   
“One,” Matt replies. He’s sitting up against the wall, and Alex blinks.   
“In the afternoon?” He asks, and Matt nods. “I slept for sixteen hours?”   
“You needed it,” Matt says simply. Alex stares up at him.   
“You didn’t leave the entire time, did you?” Matt shrugs and wrinkles his nose a little.   
“I got up to go to the bathroom, but I even shook you a little first to make sure you were out out,” he tells him. “We’ve got to get you a TV in here. And I hope you don’t mind the lack of clothes. It was sort of stifling.”  
“Matt, I..." He cuts himself off and turns his face into the pillow to mask his embarrassment. He still feels so fragile and weird, scared and nervous and sad and relieved and grateful all at once.   
“Hey.” Matt’s voice is pitched low and comforting instead of playful. He lies down next to Alex again and pulls softly at his shoulder until Alex turns to face him. He feels boneless and sleepy, which is ridiculous considering how long he just slept.   
Matt’s hands go for the hem of Alex’s shirt, tugging it up a little and giving him a questioning look. Alex furrows his brow but nods and lifts his arms up as Matt tugs off his shirt. Next he pushes the covers down and undoes the button of Alex’s jeans, pushing them down slightly. Alex'’s pulse skyrockets suddenly.   
“What’re you...“ he begins to aks, but Matt just smiles at him.  
“Don’t worry,” Matt says calmly. He reaches behind Alex to pull his jeans over the curve of his ass and down. “It’s hot in here. That’s all.”   
Alex nods and kicks his pants off, leaving him in as little as Matt. It’s thrilling and a little unsettling, but at the same time it’s comforting. Matt’s eyes sweep across his body as his hand slides across his bare chest until he finds his pulse. Matt leans down to press his lips to the spot as his hand slides across Alex’s stomach. He trails soft kisses up Alex’s neck to his mouth and presses their lips together softly. There’s nothing sexual about what Matt is doing but it makes Alex shake in entirely different ways. He returns Matt’s kiss and lets their lips linger against each other’s for a few moments before Matt pulls away. He lies on his side and stretches one arm out against the bed as he uses the other to pull Alex in. A soft gasp escapes Alex’s lips as their bare chests press together, bare legs tangling. Matt keeps his arm locked around Alex’s shoulders and Alex lets his arm slip around Matt’s slim waist to feel all that warm, bare skin under his fingertips. Alex gets what Matt is doing. He feels so close to Matt like this, barely anything separating them. He feels safe and warm, well cared for. His eyes droop again.   
“You can go back to sleep,” Matt whispers into his ear before pressing a soft kiss to the tip of it.  
“I already slept so much,” Alex gets out around a yawn. He sags against Matt’s body, feeling more relaxed by the second.   
“Right.” Matt’s lips ghost across Alex’s sore jaw. “So what’s a few more hours?”   
“You don’t have to stay,” Alex offers, but he doesn’t know how he would react if Matt pulled away from him now.   
“Yeah, but I like watching you sleep,” Matt replies. Alex can feel him smile against his cheek. “It doesn’t make me feel weird or creepy at all.”   
“Stalker,” Alex mumbles, and he falls asleep before Matt is even done laughing.   
************************************************************************  
When Alex wakes up again a few hours later, Matt finally makes him get out of bed. He leads him into the bathroom and tosses some of his own pajamas on the counter because he really doesn’t want to have to deal with Alex’s duffle bag right now. He pulls on a pair of ratty sweats and leaves Alex to shower before jogging out towards the kitchen because dear god, he needs food. Alex wanders out a little while later with his towel dried hair sticking up in all directions. He walks into the kitchen with one eyebrow raised.   
“What are you doing?” He asks. Matt hisses as he gets a little too close to the waffle maker. He didn’t put a shirt on and the World’s Best Mom apron he’s wearing does little to protect his skin.   
“I’m making banana nut waffles!” Matt declares jovially, and Alex tilts his head to the side.   
“Does Eggo make banana nut waffles?” Alex inquires. Matt shoots him a mock glare.   
“Mom made the batter and left it in the fridge. I’m perfectly capable of pouring it into a waffle maker.” Mash wanders into the kitchen and sticks his head in the trashcan, digging around for a bit before extracting a charcoal black waffle. Matt shouts and throws a spoon at him and he drops it before retreating. Alex looks back at Matt with an amused smirk. “After a few practice rounds. Shut up! I don’t see you making breakfast!”   
“Because it’s four in the afternoon,” Alex supplies, and Matt stares at him blankly. He points towards the living room with a wooden mixing spoon.   
“Out of my kitchen,” he says threateningly. Alex holds his hands up as he retreats.   
When Matt heads into the living room with two full plates of fattening breakfast food Alex is sitting on the couch and staring blankly ahead. Matt sets the plates down on the table and nudges Alex’s foot.   
“Hm?” Alex says distractedly, shaking his head a little and looking up at Matt. “Oh, it looks great.”   
“Lex,” Matt says softly. He sits down next to Alex and takes his hand. He threads their fingers together and squeezes. “How are you doing?”   
“I...I’m okay.” Alex looks down at their joined hands and then over at Matt. “Just processing, I guess.”   
“Yeah.” Matt leans in and kisses the bridge of Alex’s nose. “Process with some waffles in you. I know you haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday.”   
Alex nods and they break apart to eat their food. Matt puts something mindless on the television and when they’re done they leave their sticky plates on the coffee table. Matt slumps against the couch and pats his bare belly.   
“Are you ever going to put on a shirt?” Alex asks. He sounds only mildly curious.   
“Hey, you live here now,” Matt says, trying to keep his voice casual. “Shirts are reserved for guests only.”   
“I see,” Alex says, biting his bottom lip a little. “I guess I could learn to deal with that.”   
“Does my brute manliness offend you or something?” Matt asks playfully as he flexes his sinewy muscles. Alex cracks a small smile and lets his eyes drift across Matt’s torso.   
“No.” Alex lets out a soft chuckle and rubs the back of his neck. “It’s just...I really like your whole, like, stomach and chest area. I’m trying to mope over here and you’re making it difficult.”   
“Moping is prohibited,” Matt stays sternly. “Ogling your boyfriend’s stomach, however, is strongly encouraged.” Matt leans over and lifts up Alex’s shirt to expose his stomach. “I don’t know, I think yours is cuter than mine. It has soft spots.”   
“Shut up,” Alex mumbles, and his cheeks turn pink as he tries to push his shirt down. “Yours is better.”   
“Soft spots,” Matt repeats as he traces his thumb over Alex’s hipbones. They’re so fucking sexy. Everything about Alex is sexy and the fact that he’s completely unaware of it is even hotter.   
“Agree to disagree,” Alex says. Matt leans down to blow a raspberry against Alex’s bare stomach. He looks up to see Alex staring at him, eyes wide before his lips curve into a smirk. Anger flashes through Matt again when his eyes are drawn to the impressive bruise on Alex’s jaw, but he swallows it back. “You are such a dork.”  
“It’s part of my undeniable charm,” Matt says, flopping down and resting his head in Alex’s lap. Alex digs his fingers into Matt’s hair, letting the silky strands slip through his fingers over and over until Matt is damn near purring. His other hand rests between Matt’s shoulders, hot like a brand against his bare skin.   
They lie like that for awhile, decompressing and watching crappy TV. It’s nearly dark when Sherry comes in, rousing the dogs and disrupting the peace and quiet.   
“Look at all this masculinity and testosterone in my living room,” Sherry says in lieu of a greeting. Matt rolls onto his back and props his head up against Alex’s thigh. The action causes Alex’s hand to slip across his chest and Matt playfully holds it against his stomach. “Perfect for carrying in groceries.”   
“You bought groceries?” Matt asks. He tips his head back to look at Alex and sings his next words. “Somebody’s trying to impress yoooou.”  
“Shut up, Matt!” She throws her keys at him. They hit his thigh, precariously close to his junk, and he curls inward. “I am a provider.”   
“Fine, fine, you’re a provider!” Matt shouts as he pulls himself into a sitting position. “Don’t throw metal objects at my crotch region!”   
Matt grabs the keys and gets up, playfully bumping his mom’s shoulder on his way out of the door. Alex hops up to follow him and it takes each of them two trips to get everything inside. Alex immediately starts helping Sherry unload all of the bags.   
“Oh, I see how it’s gonna be,” Matt says. Alex pauses in shelving boxes of cereal to look over at him questioningly. “You’re gonna be all awesome and helpful and try to show me up.”   
“Guess you better up your game, kid,” Sherry tells him with a smirk. “Vacuum’s in the hall closet.”   
“Ha haaaaaaa. Bite me,” Matt drawls out as he comes around the counter. “What’s for dinner?”   
“Burgers, fries, and a salad,” Sherry says. She holds up a hand when Matt opens his mouth. “You’re eating the salad.”   
“Fine! Vegetable nazi,” Matt mutters. “Are the fries crinkle cut?”   
“Yes,” she replies. “Think you can manage to fry them up without burning down the house?”   
“Yes,” Matt pulls the apron on again. “I will fry the shit out of them.”   
“How can I help?” Alex asks. He looks around the kitchen and rocks up on his toes. Sherry looks around and claps her hands together before leading Alex over to an empty spot of counter.   
“You can make the salad?” Sherry suggests. “Matt isn’t allowed to play with knives.”   
“Oh my god, Matt sucks in the kitchen! That’s so original!” Matt snarks as he drags the deep fryer out of a cupboard and sets it up. “Get some new material.”   
“I can make the salad,” Alex says once he’s done chuckling at Matt’s antics. Sherry grins and sets all the veggies on the counter.   
“Okay children.” She flips on the boom box on top of the fridge. Funk music pours out of it and Matt rolls his eyes. “Let’s do this.”   
************************************************************************  
School on Monday is a little, well, different. They were late because they hadn’t accounted for doubling up on bathroom times, and they trudge into English with matching tardy slips. Alex is a little self-conscious of the bruise on his face. His split lip is healing pretty well, but he keeps cracking it open when he smiles. The bruise is a mottled purple, spreading out from the corner of his mouth to the curve of his jaw. It’s highly visible and Alex prays no one asks him what happened. With the rush of everything changing, he never found the time to come up with a good excuse. Matt digs around in his bag once they sit down, extracting a Heart and setting it on Alex’s desk. He picks it up and looks over at Matt with a confused expression.   
“What?” Matt asks quietly. “Just because we live together now means I have to stop wooing you?”   
“Wooing?” Alex asks skeptically. Matt sticks his tongue out at him before opening his well-worn copy of Of Mice and Men.   
Alex smirks and looks down at the chocolate. Living with Matt and Sherry has been sort of surreal. Granted, it’s only been two days, but it’s a lot to take in. Sherry had sat them down and told them that she wasn’t instilling many rules, but that they had separate bedrooms for a reason. She also told them to be safe and also quiet and Matt looked at her like she was stupid. Alex doesn’t really know what else happened because he spent the next five minutes stuck in an epic face-palm. Truth be told, Alex spent a lot of the weekend sleeping in his new bed. Matt seems to think that just trying to process everything wore him out, which was part of it, but really it was because Alex can relax at Matt’s house. He was just catching up on months worth of sleep lost worrying over what could happen. Now that it’s all over, it’s hard for Alex to try to pin down an emotion. He doesn’t pay attention in any of his classes that morning. just spaces out and thinks. He’s still sad about his parents and probably will always be, but it’s sort of a dull ache. It’s ironic how okay he is after something he spent years fearing finally happened. But he is okay, good, even. Halfway through math class he realizes that the only thing he was ever really afraid of was his parents. Now that that’s been taken away, there isn’t really anything left to be afraid of. Nervous and hesitant maybe, but not afraid. He doesn’t have to pretend he’s not crazy about Matt at school anymore, there's no reason to hide. Alex can’t wait for the bell to ring.   
When it finally does, he tears out of his class and down the hall to meet everyone at their normal spot outside the cafeteria. Matt is leaning against the wall and Alex heads straight for him. Mazi and Nicki cut him off and wrap him up in a hug. Alex wraps his arms around their waists and raises an eyebrow at Matt when they press sticky kisses to his cheeks. Matt bites his lip guiltily, and it’s obvious he told them what happened. Alex doesn’t mind. It’s not like he’s ashamed.   
“Thanks girls,” he says. He scrunches his nose up when they reach up to wipe the gloss from his skin. Once they release him, Alex takes a deep breath and steps forward. He reaches out to grab Matt’s wrist and pulls him into a hug.   
“Whoa, hey.” Matt laughs and wraps his arms around Alex’s waist. “What’s this for?”   
“I just want to,” Alex breathes. He presses a quick kiss to Matt’s neck before pulling away. Matt stares at him with a soft liquid gaze, lips curving upwards into a pleased smile. Alex slides his hand down Matt’s arm to thread their fingers together and squeezes tightly. Nicki squeals a little and Alex blushes as he leans against Matt’s side.   
People are glancing in their direction but Alex just doesn’t care. He likes the rush he’s feeling, he wants everyone to see how lucky he is, how proud he is.   
“I want pizza,” Alex says. He’s determined not to make this into a scene. This is how it should be, him holding hands with his boyfriend during their lunch period. It’s so stunningly simple and Alex kicks himself for ever thinking this was something he could never have.   
“Sure, Lex,” Matt says softly. He looks calm but his eyes are wild and his grin is stretched wide. He’s practically vibrating with happiness and Alex chuckles when he leans up to press a kiss to his temple. Chance and Nate let out an exaggerated aww and Mazi pushes them into each other.   
Alex grins and leans against his boyfriend, hands entwined for everyone to see. His entire world has changed, but when he looks over at Matt he gets the feeling everything is going to be just fine. Maybe even as close to perfect as it can get.   
************************************************************************  
That evening Matt walks slowly up the hallway and leans against the doorjamb of Alex’s bedroom. He still can’t really believe it. Alex lives with them, right across the hall. It’s fucking surreal. But the circumstances that led to this momentous event aren’t exactly great. It’s an unfortunate fact Matt is reminded of when he sees Alex sitting on the edge of his new bed with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.   
“Hey,” Matt says softly as he knocks on the open door. Alex looks up and Matt’s heart clenches. His eyes are red.  
“Hey.” Alex looks around the room like he’s a little lost. His eyes land on the giant overflowing duffle bag in the corner. “I was, uh...attempting to unpack.” Matt nods in understanding. There must be a certain finality in unpacking your bags, a reminder that all this is really happening.   
“I can help,” Matt offers. Alex smiles gratefully and Matt strolls into the room. The duffle bag is unzipped and wrinkled and crumpled clothes explode out of it. “First things first, we do laundry.”   
Matt goes across the hall into his room and dumps his hamper on the floor. He takes it over to Alex’s room and starts shoving all of his clothes inside. He picks it up and heads for the laundry room. Alex gets up to follow him. It’s going to take a few loads to wash all of Alex’s clothes, so as the water fills on the first load Matt gently pushes Alex up against the wall. He presses their mouths together tenderly with one arm slung loosely around his waist. Alex sags against him and curls his fingers in the front of Matt’s shirt.   
“Tomorrow we’ll go shopping,” Matt mumbles against Alex’s plush mouth. “Get all your toiletries and stuff. That peppermint shampoo you like. And razors,” he adds when his lips brush Alex’s jaw. “Get you all settled in, okay?”   
“Yeah.” Alex nods. He pulls Matt a little tighter against him, like he’s afraid he will let go of him. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be all, I love it here, Matt. It’s just...sudden. It’s a lot to deal with.”   
“You don’t have to apologize.” It seems like Matt is always trying to drill that into Alex’s skull. “You’re not doing anything wrong.”  
Alex nods and his hand skims up the side of Matt’s neck to tangle in his hair. Their eyes meet and they stay that way for awhile, tangled up together as the laundry room fills with the sweet scent of soap. Finally Alex breaks their gaze to push up on his toes and kiss Matt, soft and sweet. It takes awhile to get Alex completely unpacked. His clothes are folded neatly in the dresser and his books, CDs, and DVDs are stacked on top of it. They find a spot for each and every one of Alex’s meager belongings. By the time they’re done, the room actually looks like a place a teenager would live, more so than Alex’s old room ever did. It’s still fairly early but Alex looks tired. His eyes are drooping and his feet shuffle along the floor. They change into their pajamas and Matt starts some music on the boom box he found in the garage before crawling into Alex's bed with him. Alex curls up against Matt like it’s his favorite thing in the world, barely keeping his eyes open long enough to kiss Matt goodnight.   
************************************************************************  
Alex easily settles into his new routine over the next couple of weeks. It’s almost like a new life, but not really. He still feels like the same person, but it’s like the bad parts of his life were cut out of him. There was a wound left behind and he’s still a little sore and tender, but he’s healing. He’s never laughed harder than he has since he moved in with Matt and Sherry. They’re the funniest people he’s ever met and they leave him breathless night after night. He’s also never slept better. He and Matt stick to their own bedrooms for the most part, but there are some nights they sneak across the hall to crawl into each other’s beds. They usually just kiss and cuddle, but there have been a few nights where they jerk each other off, hands shoved in each other’s underwear while they muffle their whimpers of pleasure with deep kisses. He’s getting more comfortable with touching Matt, and even more comfortable with letting Matt touch him. And well, nothing helps him sleep better than an orgasm from his gorgeous live-in boyfriend. He goes through with the slightly painful task of removing his parents’ names from his school records. He changes his address and phone numbers and tells the receptionist not to call his parents for anything because he no longer resides with them. He replaces their names on his emergency contact card with Matt and Sherry’s, and he takes a deep breath as he leaves the office. It feels like another patch on the wound his parents left. When the school day ends on a hot and sunny Tuesday, Alex is barreled into as soon as he steps out of the door of his last period classroom. Warm, heavy weight drapes across his back and strong arms wrap around his waist.   
“What’s up, gorgeous?” Matt asks before kissing the tip of Alex’s ear. Alex smiles and reaches up to grip Matt’s forearms, awkwardly stumbling down the hall towards the Tech building all wrapped up in Matt’s arms.   
“You should lay off the cupcakes,” Alex teases, pretending to sag under Matt’s weight. He lets out an offended squawk and digs his fingers into Alex’s ribs. He bites down on the urge to laugh. “Tickling, really?”   
“God, so feisty.” Matt chuckles and then bites playfully at the side of Alex’s neck. Alex squirms and turns his head to the side instinctively. Matt’s lips follow and press against the small hollow behind his ear and he shivers. “Are you coming to the meeting again?”   
Alex smiles. He’s gone to the last three GSA meetings, every one since he was kicked out. The first one was slightly awkward, as the topic was how to handle homophobia in a direct response to Day of Silence and the ensuing protest. Alex had sat in the back and squirmed a lot. Since then he’s gotten better, moving towards the front and even participating a little.   
“What are you gonna give me?” Alex asks as he turns around in Matt’s arms. Matt’s eyes are dark, full of wicked promises. He shudders just at the thought of Matt’s hands on him and wonders when he’ll be bold enough to allow Matt to go further than fumbling handjobs through their clothing. The thought is becoming less nerve-wracking and more intriguing by the day.   
“And they say public displays of affection are overrated,” comes a voice from behind Alex. He tenses slightly, an unfortunate habit he can’t yet shake, and looks up at Matt.  
“Hey Rache,” Matt says, and Alex looks over his shoulder at her. Rachel is insanely gorgeous and a little crazy. She’s an out and proud bisexual and longstanding member of the GSA. Matt starts a little and squeezes Alex once before letting go. “Shit, I’m supposed to go help Nate set up the snack table.”  
“There’s a snack table today?” Ashton asks as he walks over to them. “I swear, Matthew. You are trying to ruin my figure.”  
“He’s not shoving the cookies down your throat, babe,” Rache says, and Ashton glares at her. Ashton is flamboyant enough to make even Chance look like the butchest guy alive. He wears skin tight clothes and his jet black hair with a purple wave is cut into some sort of trendy style. His eyebrows are waxed and he often wears eyeliner. Alex was sort of horribly awkward around him the first time they met, but the shock has worn off by now.  
“Ugh, you whore,” Ashton says to Rache. “As my wife you’re supposed to support me.”  
“I really gotta run, guys,” Matt says with a chuckle. “Lex, are you coming or will I see you in there?”  
Alex opens his mouth to answer but snaps it shut when Rache wraps her arm around his waist. Alex tenses a little, same as he always does when he’s touched by someone that isn’t Matt, Sherry, or one of his close friends. But he’s rapidly growing accustomed to just how touchy-feely this group of people he’s now a part of is. The moment of panic quickly subsides and he lets out a breath, even going as far to drape his arm loosely over Rache’s shoulders.   
“We’ll take care of your boy, Matt,” she says, and Matt raises an eyebrow. He looks over to Alex to make sure he’s okay and Alex just nods in return. “Oh, come on. You’ll be fine without each other for ten minutes. Stop making the gooey doe eyes at each other and go set up our snacks!”   
Matt rolls his eyes and steps forward, kissing the tip of Alex’s nose and flicking the end of Rache’s. She gives him a swift kick in the ass as he turns around and Matt cackles as he enters the Tech building.   
“So Alex, honey. Baby,” Ashton says. He comes around to the other side of Alex and slips his arm around his waist. “Now that you’re all out and proud, you have to let us take you shopping.”   
“Have to,” Rache echoes. “It’s crucial.”  
“Why?” Alex asks. He furrows his brow when Ashton tugs at the hem of his plain blue tee.   
“Your wardrobe is so… nondescript,” Ashton says as he reaches up to ruffle his hair. Jensen blinks against the sudden change in his hair and waits for the world to come back into slightly dizzy feeling. “You’re far too gorgeous to hide.”   
“I’m not hiding,” Alex mumbles, feeling his cheeks heat up. He takes his his hand up to his hair to fix it after Ashton ruffled it up. “There’s nothing wrong with nondescript.”   
“Fine,” Rache replies airily. “But you’re still going shopping with us.”   
“At least your boy knows how to dress himself. Sort of,” Ashton says, scrunching up his nose like he’s thinking. “Actually, no. You better bring him too.”   
“Sounds… awesome,” Alex chuckles. “But we better get inside.”   
"Ah yes!” Ashton shouts. He and Rache link arms with Alex and skip him into the building. Alex can do little more than laugh and try to keep up. They drop into seats down front and Matt looks over at him and gives him a thumbs up and then a thumbs down, eyes playful and questioning. Alex puts his hand out flat and wobbles it back and forth.   
Ashton and Rache let out matching fake offended gasps and Matt’s laughter is loud enough to echo around the room.   
************************************************************************  
Matt is moments from sleep, all nestled in his bed, when there’s a knock on his slightly open door. It opens slowly and Matt smiles at the now familiar sight of Alex silhouetted in the doorway. Matt gestures him in with a head nod and feels a now even more familiar flash of heat in his belly at the sight of Alex in black boxer briefs and a threadbare gray tee shirt. Alex slowly walks over to the bed after he closes the door, barely illuminated in the darkness. He stands in front of it with his body pitched forward like he’s waiting for permission.   
“I, uh...I can’t sleep,” he says, and Matt moves over to make room for him. Alex climbs onto the bed, molds himself against Matt’s side, and tucks his head shyly under Matt’s chin. Matt can feel the hot length of Alex’s dick through his boxers and he smiles sleepily.   
Matt thinks of how Alex was this afternoon, so feisty and flirty, heat in his eyes when Matt held him close. He presses his lips to Alex’s temple and decides to take a chance. His heart starts thumping a little harder but he’s too tired to actually be worried that it’ll go badly. He doesn’t think it will.   
“Mm, you’re hard,” Matt whispers roughly, and he swears he can feel Alex’s cheek heat up with blood. “That why you can’t sleep?” Alex nods and his mouth opens against Matt’s neck in a wet kiss. He sucks softly at the spot as his hips push against Matt’s thigh almost absently. “You want me to help?” Matt breathes a little deeper just at the thought of getting his hands on Alex again. This whole situation feels sleepy and unreal, almost like a dream.   
“Yeah,” Alex whispers. He bites down on Matt’s neck just hard enough to prove that there’s no way he’s imagining this. Matt turns his head to meet Alex’s mouth and licks his way inside. Matt’s hand slides down Alex’s stomach to slip into his briefs in slow, easy movements. He’s surprised to feel Alex’s fingers around his wrist, stilling him. This isn’t anything new. “No, Matt, I...I want more. It shouldn’t be like this every time.”   
“Okay, Lex,” Matt whispers. He bites his lip and presses a soft kiss to Alex’s mouth. “Yeah, we can do that.”   
His hands go to the hem of Alex’s shirt and tug, and he breaks the kiss only to throw the offending garment on the ground. He pushes Alex gently onto his back before sitting up and hooking his thumbs in the waistband of Alex’s briefs.   
“Can I see you this time?” He asks softly in a tone that says it’s perfectly okay if Alex declines. “I wanna see all of you.” Alex swallows hard, eyes glinting in the moonlight as he nods. Matt starts to pull his underwear down but Alex grabs his wrist.   
“Only if I get to see all of you too,” Alex pants out as he lets go. Matt nods and pulls Alex’s shorts down his legs, dropping them on the floor. He doesn’t look at Alex until he gets up on his knees to take off his own underwear. Once they’re both naked, Matt lets his eyes travel hungrily up the length of Alex’s body.   
“You’re so beautiful, Lex,” Matt says reverently. His hand trails down Alex’s flank and over the curve of his hip and down his thigh, all that uninterrupted skin warm under his palm. Alex makes a soft noise, something needy and barely audible.   
Alex’s dick is thick and hard, curving up towards his navel. There’s a patch of dark golden curls at the base and it’s all so pretty. Matt wants that dick so bad, but he’s not free to touch, not yet. He straddles Alex’s hips and tilts his ass up in the air as he leans down to suck at Alex’s collarbone. Alex grips the backs of his thighs, fingernails digging in as Matt bites down softly. His hands travel up Matt’s thighs and over the swell of his ass before settling on his hips, and Matt nearly moans at the touch. He surges up to kiss Alex’s mouth with one hand placed tenderly on his cheek as he presses their foreheads together.   
“I wanna make you feel so good,” Matt breathes, and Alex arches up slightly. “But promise you’ll stop me if I do something you don’t want me to.”   
Alex nods, kissing Matt again and squeezing his hips. Matt closes his eyes and swallows hard , he has no idea what to do first. He sits up and looks over Alex’s body, lips curving up into a smirk when he picks his target. He reaches over Alex to grab a pillow and then lifts Alex’s head to place it underneath, propping him up slightly.   
“I want you to watch me,” Matt breathes. His dick twitches slightly when Alex licks his lips and nods. “I want you to see what I’m doing to you.”   
He slides his hands across Alex’s chest and fits his long fingers in the dips between his ribs. His finger travels across Alex’s chest to one nipple and traces a small circle around it. Alex watches Matt’s hand with rapt attention, swollen lips parted slightly as his breath comes quicker. Mat rubs his finger across his nipple and feels it peak at the attention. He pinches it just barely between his thumb and forefinger and Alex gasps audibly. Matt grins and lowers his head to open his mouth around that nipple, lavishing it with flicks of his tongue before sucking softly. Alex gasps again and Matt just barely lets his teeth scrape across it to make Alex moan. Matt spends a little more time sucking on it, too caught up in the breathy noises Alex is making to stop. When he finally pulls away the tiny nub has gone from soft pink to dark red, and Matt knows it’ll be sore tomorrow. He bites his lip and repeats the entire process on the other nipple.   
“Oh god,” Alex breathes. His hands slide up Matt’s sides to curl around his shoulders.   
“I wanna kiss you everywhere,” Matt admits breathlessly against Alex’s skin. “Wanna take my time and make sure I don’t miss a single spot.”  
“Please,” Alex gasps out. Matt grins as he trails sloppy kisses across Alex’s torso, pausing to tongue just a bit at Alex’s nipples once more. He kisses down Alex’s arm, sucking a small bruise into the bend of his elbow and then his wrist before kissing the tip of each finger. He licks them and gets them wet before sucking his middle finger into his mouth. “Oh...oh.”   
Matt takes Alex’s hand and places it against his chest, damp fingertips brushing Matt’s oversensitive nipple.   
“Don’t ever think you can’t touch me.” Matt lets his hand fall free and smiles when Alex doesn’t move his. “Don’t think I don’t want your hands on me all the time.”   
Alex meets Matt’s eyes and squeezes his nipple. Matt moans softly and his hips jerk when Alex squeezes harder at the reaction.   
“Can I...“ Alex tries to sit up, mouth falling open, but Matt pushes him back down gently.   
“Later,” Matt promises. “Use your hands on me, and I’ll use my mouth on you.”   
Alex shudders and pinches Matt’s nipple again, pulling on it softly when he realizes how worked up Matt gets. Alex hasn’t found the spot on Alex’s body that has the same reaction yet, but he’s got all night. He kisses his way down Alex’s stomach and scoots backwards to make more room the farther he goes. He fixes his mouth to Alex’s hipbones and sucks bruises into them as Alex pants and whines above him. His mouth trails lower, tongue laving across the spot where smooth skin meets coarse hair. Alex’s dick bumps under his jaw, leaving slick little trails on his skin and making Matt so fucking hungry. He brings his hand up and wraps it gently around Alex’s cock. It’s so much thicker than Nate’s, and Matt’s mouth waters. He wants to suck it so bad; he’s been thinking about it ever since he first laid eyes on it. He spreads Alex’s thighs and lies down, breathing in deep and licking his lips. He settles in, making himself comfortable and breathing hot against the head of Alex’s dick.   
“Can I use my mouth on you, Lex?” Matt asks softly. His eyes flick upwards to look at Alex’s face. His gaze is locked on Matt’s mouth and he looks awed, and so fucking turned on.   
“Y-yeah,” he gasps out, and Matt nearly weeps in relief. He wraps his hand firmly around the base of Alex’s dick and brings it towards his watering mouth.   
“Watch me,” Matt commands, making sure Alex’s listening before lapping softly at the leaking tip of Alex’s dick. It’s like his tongue is an electric shock for all that Alex jerks up. Matt chuckles and lays his other arm across Alex’s hips to hold him down. “I’m new at this, so no bucking.”   
Alex whines and Matt takes pity on him, sucking the head of Alex’s dick into his mouth. Alex moans and then slaps a hand over his mouth because the last thing they need is to make a lot of noise. Matt whimpers as bitter flavor bursts across his tongue. He gets too eager, sucking too hard and taking too much in at once. The head of Alex’s dick hits the back of his throat and he makes a soft choking noise. He pulls off and sucks in a deep breath, cheeks flushing as he glances up at Alex. He puts his free hand on Matt’s cheek and slides it up into his hair. Matt sucks Alex back into his mouth, hollowing out his cheeks as he bobs up and down. Alex arches his back and lets his knees fall open, resting his feet on the small of Matt’s back. He pushes up against Matt’s arm but he holds him still, tonguing at the slit before dropping down again. It’s messy and wet, spit slipping down Alex’s shaft and coating Jared’s hand. Matt drops that hand to cup Alex’s balls and roll them gently in his fingers. They’re so full and tight, and Matt knows he’s close. He lets his fingers drift lower to brush against Alex’s tightly furled hole. He jerks and Matt’s hand immediately wraps back around his dick and squeezes to distract him from his wandering fingers. Matt pulls off and takes a deep breath. His lips feel swollen and tingly and he licks them experimentally. He digs his tongue into Alex’s slit and closes his lips around the tiny hole to suck out the taste of him.   
“Ah! Matt, Matt..." He continues to chant Matt’s name, tugging at his hair as he tries to arch up again. “Matt.”   
“Come on,” Matt pleads, stroking Alex’s cock as he mouths at the head. “I want it.”   
Alex cries out, and the sound is devastatingly muffled behind his hand. He tenses up as his orgasm hits and floods Matt’s mouth with sweet cum. Matt moans and swallows it all, sucking softly at the head as Alex continues to spurt. He never wants to stop sucking, never wants to let Alex slip from his mouth. But after awhile Alex becomes too sensitive, whining and pulling at Matt’s hair again. Matt slowly pulls up, pressing a sticky kiss to the head before letting go of the shaft and looking up. There are tears in Alex’s eyes and Matt’s heart stops. Maybe he misread Alex’s whines and hair tugging as encouragement when they were really pleas for him to stop.   
“Alex,” Matt mumbles lovingly, sliding up Alex’s body and gathering him up in his arms.   
“Oh god.” Alex squeezes his eyes shut as he trembles underneath Matt. “That was awesome.”   
Matt chuckles in relief and leans in, stopping at the last moment because he just swallowed a mouthful of come and he doesn’t know if Alex would want to kiss him. Alex makes the decision for him by grabbing Matt’s face and kissing him hard, slipping his tongue inside and licking the taste of himself from Matt’s mouth. Matt moans into the kiss, gripping Alex’s thighs and wrapping his legs tighter around his waist. He starts to thrust against Alex, cock slipping through the groove of Alex’s hip.   
“Mm, feels good,” Alex mumbles against Matt’s overused lips. “Love this.”   
Matt grins against Alex’s jaw and kisses there before bringing their mouths together again. It doesn’t take long for Matt to cry out, tense up, and bite down on Alex’s jaw as his orgasm hits. He shoots all over Alex’s stomach, thick come smearing between their bellies. He collapses on top of Alex and pants harshly against his neck. Alex pets his back, hands slipping through sweat.   
“Oh god, Lex.” He swallows hard and curls a hand around Alex’s hip. “Oh fuck.”  
They lie there like that for a long time, naked and pressed together as Alex’s hands trace random patterns along Matt’s back. Matt stays on top of Alex, head pillowed on Alex’s chest with Alex’s arms around him, a mirror image of their usual position. Matt swallows hard and lifts his head to look at his boyfriend. Alex’s eyes are closed and there is a pleased smile gracing his swollen mouth. He looks relaxed, peaceful and content and not at all afraid. Matt is suddenly overcome with emotion, with the desire to spill his guts to this beautiful boy in the hushed darkness of his bedroom. He wants to tell Alex how happy he makes him, how colors seem brighter when he’s around and how his heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest when he laughs. Alex has gone and turned him into a walking cliche, mind turned into saccharine mush and he doesn’t even care. He wants to tell Alex that he’s in love with him. The words push against his lips, insistent on getting out, but Matt bites them back. This isn’t the time. He doesn’t want what he has to say to be directly tied to what they just did. Instead he just stares down at Alex and tries to say it with his eyes and the curve of his smile. That’ll have to do for now.   
“What is it?” Alex asks in a hushed whisper when he opens his eyes to see Matt staring at him. Matt bites his lip and plants his elbows on the bed just above Alex’s shoulders, fingers digging into Alex’s hair. It’s getting long enough that the strands slip slightly through Matt’s fingers.   
“I...just,” Matt struggles to find the words. “You’re happy, right?”   
"What? Matt,” Alex says softly, reaching up to cup Matt’s face and look into his eyes. “Of course I’m happy. I’m very happy.”   
“Good,” Matt breathes. He leans down and presses their mouths together again; letting the kiss express everything he can’t say out loud. Not yet, anyway.  
************************************************************************  
Sunday has rapidly become Alex’s favorite day of the week, whereas a little over a month ago it was his most loathed. Now instead of getting up early and suffering through church with his judgmental parents, he can sleep until noon and flop on the couch in his pajamas. Watching cartoons and eating dry cereal right out of the box beats listening to a radical pastor drone on and on about Leviticus any day. That’s what he is doing as of the current moment. It’s two in the afternoon on a Sunday and he’s sitting on the couch in nothing but a pair of Matt’s ratty sweatpants, watching shitty cartoons as he mainlines Honey Bunches of Oats right from the box. Alex has a new life, and that new life is good. Matt comes in from walking the dogs, panting and a little sweaty as he leads them out into the backyard to work off their leftover energy. He flops down onto the couch and rests his head on Alex's lap. He presses a quick kiss to the bare skin underneath Alex’s navel and it makes his belly jump in a lazy, sort of slow-burning way.   
“Hey honey bunches,” Matt coos. Alex smirks and rolls his eyes.   
“Hi Matt,” he replies, and Matt scoffs. “What?”   
“I was talking to the cereal.” Matt snatches the box from Alex’s hand and shakes it. Alex takes it back and shoves his hand inside. “Greedy.”   
Matt grabs Alex’s other hand, the one that’s currently not sticky with cereal, and slides it under his shirt to rest on his belly. Alex bites his lip as his fingers slip along the slight dips of his muscles, barely damp with sweat. His fingers glide across a peaked nipple just as Matt turns his head to look at the television, brushing the soft swell of Alex’s dick. It’s been days since they got each other off, since Alex instantly became addicted to the feeling of Matt’s mouth all over his body. He’s thinking about trying to see if he can arrange a repeat of that event, maybe even return the favor, when Matt speaks.   
“So there’s this thing coming up,” Matt says. His voice is casual and a little too calm. It makes Alex rest his hand flat against Matt’s belly and pay close attention. “It’s a dance. Some may even call it a prom.” Alex raises an eyebrow and Matt clears his throat as he looks away from the TV and up at Matt’s face. “It’s this thing where you’re supposed to get all dolled up in uncomfortable clothes and flail spastically, or okay, dance with the people you’ve spent the last four years with. Supposedly it’s fun, but more importantly I hear the food is good.”   
Alex’s heart starts beating wildly in his chest and he licks his lips nervously. Is Matt seriously going to....?   
“I might be willing to let you come with me,” Matt says, swallowing hard and meeting Alex’s eyes, “as my date. Maybe.”   
“You’re asking me to be your date to the dance?” Alex asks incredulously, shaking a little with sudden nerves. “Matt, we can’t go to prom together.”   
“Well, it’s more of a group thing..." Matt cuts himself off, clearing his throat and turning his head to the side. “No, you’re right. It’s stupid.”   
Alex pulls his hand out of the cereal box and pinches the bridge of his nose. He didn’t mean to dismiss the idea so quickly, but it shocked him a little. By now pretty much everyone at school knows that Alex is gay and that Matt is his boyfriend, so that’s not the issue. He just had the image of prom in his brain, boys in tuxes and girls in pink taffeta gowns, and it just didn’t translate into something they could have. But now he can see that Matt is disappointed. He’s watching cartoons a little too closely to be casual and there’s a slight frown tugging down the corners of his mouth. Alex knows this is important to him, and he knows Matt wouldn’t force him into any situation he wasn’t comfortable with. It’s not often Matt outright asks for something, so Alex thinks he could try to do this for him. Who knows, now that he thinks about it, it might even be fun. Maybe.   
“So, this prom,” Alex starts, drumming his fingertips on Matt’s belly. “I’d get to see you in a tuxedo?”  
“I actually had this really pretty lavender dress picked out already,” Matt says blandly, not even looking away from the television. Alex rolls his eyes and pinches the tight skin stretched across Matt’s hipbone. “Ow! Yes, you’d see me in a tux.”   
“And we’d dance?” Alex asks. Matt looks up at him cautiously and nods.  
“That’s the general idea,” Matt replies. “I mean, we’re going as a group so we’d all dance with each other. But yeah, I’d like you to save a dance for me.”   
“And the food is going to be good, you say?” Alex bites back a smile as Matt grins up at him, eyes wide and bright. Matt nods and Alex makes a big show of sighing. “Okay, I’ll go to prom with you.”   
“Really?” Matt grins brightly up at Alex, and then places the back of his hand on his forehead and slips into full southern belle mode, accent and all. “Oh my, the handsomest boy in school is taking little old me to the big dance!”   
“Sure am,” Alex replies playfully, letting a Texan drawl slip out in full force. His voice had a tiny bit of a northern twang to it when he first moved out to California, but by now it’s mostly gone. Now he puts on an exaggerated drawl to match Matt’s. “We’ll have a grand ol’ time, darlin’.”   
Don’t do that,” Matt says in his normal voice edged with a bit of a predatory growl. “Don’t talk like that unless you want me to pounce on you.”  
“Is that so?” Alex asks amusedly, still in his loose lipped lilt. Matt digs his elbows into the couch cushions, the back of his arms snug against Alex’s thigh as he sits up slightly, eyes going dark. “Whatcha gonna do, Tigger?”   
“I don’t know,” Matt replies breathily. “Cum in my pants?”   
“I can probably help out with that,” Alex replies loosely. His eyes rake over the length of Matt's stretched across his lap, his back heavy and warm against Alex’s thighs. He swallows hard as he slides his hand into Matt’s shorts to wrap loosely around his stirring dick. Matt lets out a soft whimper and bites his lip, eyes locked on Alex’s face. He hardens quickly in Alex’s grip and he rubs his thumb in circles around the head, pressing in against the slit like he learned drives Matt crazy.   
“Alex,” Matt pants as he lets his legs fall open wider. “Oh god. I love that when you...ah shit...get right down to it, you’re just another horny teenage boy.”   
“Hey, kiss me,” Alex drawls, leaning down slightly. Matt surges up and fuses their mouths together, tongue slipping between Alex’s lips eagerly. The angle hurts Alex’s back and makes him realize how much he wants Matt naked in his bed, just like the other night. But this time he wants their roles reversed; he wants to be the one to have Matt all spread out underneath him and at his mercy. He pulls away from the kiss, slick lips brushing Matt’s as he speaks. The drawl isn’t hard to maintain now. He’s distracted enough that he can’t really concentrate on rudimentary things such as speaking clearly. “I wanna take you to bed, Matt. Wanna do what we did the other night.”   
“Yeah,” Matt breathes. He drops down so his head is resting on Alex’s lap again. “I can definitely do that. I would love to do that.”   
Matt turns his head and mouths at the hot line of Alex’s dick through his threadbare sweats. Alex hisses and slows his strokes on Matt’s cock as he reaches up with his other hand to turn Matt’s head away.   
“No,” he breathes. His fingers smear sticky wetness down Matt’s shaft. “It’s my turn.”   
“You...are you sure?” Matt asks breathlessly even as his hips jerk up into Alex’s loose grasp. Even out of his mind with pleasure, he still puts Alex’s needs first. Alex smiles and traces Matt’s full bottom lip with his fingertip.   
“I’m sure,” Alex says, pulling his hand out of Matt’s shorts and pushing at his torso gently. “Just...be patient, okay?”   
Matt nods and rolls off of Alex’s lap, standing up and gripping Alex’s sticky hand to pull him off of the sofa. They swap playful kisses as they maneuver their way towards Matt’s room, tumbling inside and shutting the door. If someone would have found Alex six months ago and told him that by the end of his senior year he’d be tangled up naked with his boyfriend on a Sunday afternoon, kissing and licking down a flat and toned chest and stomach and working his way towards giving his first blowjob, he would have thought they were crazy. He would have locked himself away somewhere and had a quiet little panic attack over the fear of such of a thing happening working against the dread of it never happening at all. But here he is, clothes in a messy pile on the floor as he mouths at the knob of his boyfriend’s hipbone and sucks bruises into slightly tan skin. There are strong, masculine hands gripping his shoulders, low grunts and harsh breaths ringing in his ears, and he knows this is where he belongs. And when he finally leans down to lick across the head of Matt’s dick, he smiles at the taste of Matt on his tongue and at how completely not afraid of this he is. It’s okay for him to want this, to have this. And now that he’s got it? He’s never letting go.


	9. Chapter 9

It’s almost bedtime but Matt isn’t really sleepy. He and Alex were watching TV but he retreated into the bathroom for a shower and left Matt bored and alone. Matt walks down the hallway and picks at a piece of cheddar string cheese he pilfered from the fridge. He goes to turn into his room but stops by his mom’s door. It’s slightly ajar, and he raps on it with the back of his hand before popping his head inside.  
“Hey buttmunch,” he says, puffing his cheeks out and crossing his eyes. Sherry laughs from her spot in the middle of her bed as she runs a brush through her hair.  
“Hey kid.” She gestures him in with a nod of her head. “Friends is about to start.”  
“Oh wow.” Matt pops the rest of his cheese in his mouth and drops down onto his mom’s bed. “Haven’t done that in awhile.”  
Almost every night Matt used to lay in his mom’s bed with her and watch old Friends reruns. They’d wind down and catch each other up on their day. Matt told his mother he was gay over the sound of Chandler and Joey fighting over a chick and a duck. She didn’t even really say anything, just pulled him in close and rested her chin on his head as she rubbed his back.  
“Where’s Sweetie?” Sherry asks, whapping Matt’s knee with the brush before tossing it on her nightstand.  
“In the shower,” Matt replies. Sofi and Mash are passed out on the floor in the corner, and Matt scoots back to lean against the headboard. Sherry sits cross-legged next to him, flipping her damp hair over one shoulder and picking at her nails. She looks so young. Sometimes Matt forgets she was barely older than he is now when he was born.  
“He seems to be doing good here,” she says casually. “He looks happy.”  
“Yeah,” Matt replies on an exhalation of breath, smiling to himself. “I don’t think I ever told you how grateful I am for what you did.”  
“You have,” Sherry says with a wry smirk. “About a thousand times.”  
“Oh. Well, I am grateful,” Matt tells her sincerely. The words still don’t seem like enough.  
“You’re welcome.” The familiar Friends theme song starts up and Matt hums along. “But don’t think I don’t hear your little feet tiptoeing across the hall all the time.” Matt whips his head around to look at her so fast that his neck cracks slightly. “Don’t worry. That’s all I hear, thankfully.”  
“Sorry. It’s just...it’s hard to be away from him,” Matt confesses. He smiles sheepishly and runs his fingers through his hair. “Especially when I know he’s right there across the hall.”  
“I get it,” his mom says warmly, patting his knee. “I just don’t want you two getting in over your heads. Sex is a big deal..."  
“God, Mom,” Matt cuts in. He’s never had a problem talking to his mom about touchy subjects like sex, but now it feels different. It’s like he knows how much Alex would blush if he were in the room and it makes him think twice. “We haven’t...we’re not there yet. Probably won’t be for awhile.”  
“Oh.” Sherry furrows her brow. “I thought..."  
“We’ve done stuff,” Matt mutters, staring at a suddenly fascinating spot on the wall. “Just not that. To be honest, most of the time when we sneak into each other’s rooms it’s just to sleep next to each other.”  
“That’s nauseatingly adorable,” Sherry replies with a soft chuckle as she glances at the television screen. “That’s good though. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to.”  
“Can we talk about something else?” Matt pleads, knocking his head against the wall once.  
“Prom is coming up pretty fast,” she says suddenly. Matt looks over at her with an eyebrow raised skeptically.  
“Losing your virginity on prom night is the biggest cliché in the world,” he tells her. “I thought you were a little more creative than that.”  
“I was actually trying to change the subject,” Sherry says as she leans back against the headboard next to him. “But either way, you’re not a virgin.”  
“Don’t remind me,” Matt groans grumpily, slumping down a little. “I’m just...I regret that so much now. I wish I was. I wish I would have waited for him.”  
“Hey,” his mom says, reaching over to poke his cheek. “You didn’t know he was out there waiting for you. And it’s in the past. No use beating yourself up now.”  
“Yeah,” Matt sighs. They watch the show in silence for a little while, and when a commercial starts Sherry clears her throat.  
“So, uh, there was something I wanted to talk to you about,” Sherry says quickly. Matt blinks and looks over at her, raising an eyebrow. She sounds oddly serious and a niggling fear settles itself in Matt’s belly. “When this whole thing with you and Alex started, I started going to PFLAG meetings again. Just to ask for advice.”  
“You did?” Matt blinks in surprise. His mother joined the Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays support group, PFLAG for short, within weeks of him coming out and she was very active in it. That is, until she was promoted to general manager of the store and the hectic, ever-changing hours made it hard for her to attend the meetings. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“You were already worrying yourself sick over the situation,” she tells him seriously. “I didn’t want to make it worse. And I never should have stopped going in the first place. Just because you were doing well doesn’t mean there weren’t people I could have been helping.”  
“Mom, you help people all the time,” Matt reminds her. “Where do you think I got it from?”  
“Anyway,” she says, biting her lip. She looks nervous and Matt leans in. “I...uh, I met someone?” Matt blinks. “His name is Jalen, and his brother is gay,” she begins. “That’s why he goes to the meetings. And um, he’s a few years older than me. He’s attractive, and smart. And really funny. He asked me to have dinner with him on Saturday. And I said yes.” Matt blinks again. “And I wanted to let you know,” she continues. “And get your opinion. I know I haven’t really dated since your father died. And I’ll never stop loving him. I’ll never get over him, not really. Since then it’s just been you and me, and I liked it that way. But Tig, it’s been twelve years and...well, I’m lonely. You’re heading off to college soon and I’m still in my thirties. I just...I think it’s time I put myself back out there.” Matt opens his mouth and snaps it shut.“Tig, please say something,” she pleads, and Matt looks over at her. Truth is, he isn’t sure what to say. It’s not like he wants his mother to be alone forever, but at the same time he never really thought about her actually dating anyone. But he knows what the right thing to say here is, and once the initial shock wears off, he’s fine.  
“No, sorry,” he says. “You just surprised me. That’s great, Mom.”  
“Really?” She looks so relieved and a little hopeful. Matt smiles and reaches out to touch her arm.  
“Yeah,” he assures her. “I want you to be happy. Dad would want you to be happy.”  
“I think he would.” She looks down at the tan line on her left finger. She’s been wearing her wedding ring off and on since the day her husband died. Matt swallows hard. Sometimes he forgets how much pain his mother has dealt with over the years. Jared hugs her suddenly, burying his face in her damp hair and smelling sweet vanilla. She lets out a choked laugh and hugs him back.  
“Just make sure he knows that I have friends. A lot of them,” Matt tells her. “Big, mean ones that like to beat people up if they go around hurting awesome moms.”  
“I’ll tell him, Tig,” she laughs, and Matt nods as he pulls away. He settles back against the headboard and looks over at her. She’s smiling, looking relieved.  
“There’s no reason you shouldn’t be dating, Mom,” he tells her. “I mean, you’re beautiful. Still moderately young, I guess.”  
“You little shit,” she shrieks. She leans over him with her arms extended and her fingers curled into claws. Matt’s eyes widen.  
“Mom, don’t,” Matt warns, scrambling back against the headboard. She dives in and starts tickling his stomach relentlessly. Matt howls with uncontrollable laughter. “STOP! Mom, I am a grown ass man! I’m too old for this shit! Mom, I will pee. Do you want me to pee all over your bed? I’ll do it!”  
“Uh, am I interrupting something?” Alex says suddenly. Sherry pulls back and Matt catches his breath, face red and eyes watering. Alex is in the doorway of his room, looking sideways into Sherry’s with an eyebrow raised.  
“Uh, tickle party,” Sherry admits. “We’re feeling nostalgic.”  
“Oh,” Alex replies. He rubs his towel through his shaggy hair and wrinkles his nose. “I can’t decide if that’s adorable or creepy.”  
“Oh, I’ll show you adorable and creepy,” Matt cackles, surging off of the bed and running for Alex. His eyes widen and he tries to duck into his room, but Matt catches him around the waist. He drags him into Sherry’s room and tosses him on the bed. “Tickle Lex!”  
“You’re such a homo,” Sherry tells him. “Sometimes I feel bad for never even giving you the chance to be straight.”  
“I don’t!” Matt announces as he hops on top of Alex and tickles his sides. Alex squirms and giggles a little, pushing ineffectually at Matt.  
“Okay, now it’s creepy,” Sherry admits as the bed bounces from the force of Matt tickling Alex on it. Matt stops and flops down on Alex with a sigh. Alex lets out an oomph as the air gets knocked out of him and his arms instinctually go around Matt’s waist.  
Another episode of Friends starts and they settle on the bed, Alex then Matt and then Sherry. Matt and Sherry speak along with the funny lines and they make Alex laugh without tickling him at all. It’s a good night.  
************************************************************************  
Alex knew prom was a big deal to most seniors. It’s a milestone, a rite of passage, whatever. He never really gave it much thought because he never imagined actually going to his own prom. He never imagined how much work went into getting ready for a simple dance. Especially when all your friends are either gay, bi, girls, or gay girls. He thought maybe that last one would cancel itself out, but Nicki and Mazi are apparently what Matt calls lipstick lesbians and that means they are just like all the rest of the girls he doesn’t understand when it comes to fashion and make-up. Alex spends his afternoon trapped in one of those shopping montages from pretty much every romantic comedy or 80’s movie ever. They caravan to the mall early on a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon. Matt, Alex, Chance, Nicki, and Mazi all pile in Nate’s car and Ashton and Rache meet them in the parking lot. Ashton is wearing a gauzy tight pink v-neck tee and matching pink Ray-Bans. His jeans are skin tight and he has what appears to be a rubber band around the top of his head, keeping his perfectly coiffed hair in place.  
“Thank you, Ash,” Nate says as they approach, “for being a walking stereotype.”  
“You’re welcome, darling,” Ashton replies, blowing him a kiss. He turns to Chance and nods. “Hey Chance. Still claiming straight?”  
“Hey Ash,” Chance replies sweetly. “Fuck you.”  
Ashton laughs, pulls Chance in for hug, and smashes his lips against Chance’s cheek. Chance merely sighs and takes it. It took awhile for Alex to understand the way that these friendships, and apparently most friendships, work. You insult the crap out of each other all day long, but if anyone else tries the same thing, they’re fucking dead. It’s sort of funny. The boys get shuffled off to find tuxes while the girls go look for the perfect dresses. Ashton keeps Matt and Alex separated the entire time like they’re shopping for wedding gowns or something. Alex doesn’t really know how this all works, so he just puts on whatever Ashton brings him. He finally settles on a traditional black tuxedo with a vest instead of a cummerbund. The vest is a sort of a shimmery lavender color that, according to Ashton, he pulls off splendidly.  
“You and Matt will look so perfect,” he gushes, hands clasped under his chin. Alex turns to the full length mirror. He smoothes his hands down the front of the tux and quirks an eyebrow at his own reflection. Ashton comes over to him and wraps an arm around his waist as he leans in to kiss his cheek. He leaves a smear of lip balm behind. “God, you are gorgeous. Lucky, lucky boys, the both of you.”  
“Hey, homolicious!” Matt calls as he pounds on the dressing room door. “Can I have my boyfriend now?”  
“In thirteen to seventeen minutes,” Ashton calls back as he looks Alex over with a flirty smirk. “Ten if he uses that little drawl of his. Mm.” The doorknob rattles and Alex hears what sounds suspiciously like a growl.  
“Out so I can change,” Alex tells Ashton. He pouts and looks up at Alex through his mascara-tinted eyelashes. Alex chuckles. “Go!”  
Ashton huffs and then winks at Alex before slipping out of the dressing room. He takes off the tuxedo quickly but carefully, folding it up and setting it on a chair after pulling on his old clothes. He leaves the dressing room and Ashton ducks in to grab the clothes to take them up front with his and Matt’s. Matt pulls Alex into a hug, kissing him and biting softly at his bottom lip. Alex blushes as a surge of sudden heat rushes through him and he pulls away.  
“Where’s Chance and Nate?” Alex pats Matt’s chest before taking a step back. Matt wrinkles his nose.  
“They’re off getting mandatory haircuts,” Matt says, running his fingers through his own hair. “And we’re next.”  
“Haircuts?” Alex echoes. Matt shrugs.  
“Lesbo’s orders," he sighs out.  
Alex hasn’t got his hair cut since he left New York, and it’s grown a lot in four months. It’s shaggy and unkempt looking, but Alex likes it. It’s different. The stylist doesn’t change much once he’s in the chair; he just cuts his hair into a trendy sort of style, shorter in the back and on the sides and still a little long and shaggy on top.  
“Honey, you can totally rock the bedhead look,” the guy says as he waves his scissors around in the air. Alex raises an eyebrow as the guy scrunches his hair in both hands, looking at it appraisingly in the mirror with one perfectly groomed eyebrow arched high.  
Alex has pretty much gotten the exact same haircut since he was five. He had a standing appointment every six weeks with Barber Bob back in Albany. He never missed it, and he never changed it. So this is new for him. He even lets the guy put some barely visible honey blonde highlights in his hair after he gushed over how it would bring out the gold in his pretty eyes. Alex caved. Matt loves the flecks of color in his eyes.When he’s all cut, colored, and blow-dried, the stylist rubs some wax between his fingers and gives Alex sort of a messy faux-hawk. He claps his hands together with a grand ad a! and shoos Alex out of his chair. Alex reaches up to touch the soft spikes of his new haircut and worries his bottom lip between his teeth. It’s… different. In a good way, though. Maybe. Everyone is already in the waiting area when he emerges. Apparently he took the longest. They all look over at him and he clears his throat, blushing at the sudden attention.  
“Holy shit,” Rache says breathlessly. Matt looks up from the issue of Cosmo he’s reading and drops it on the floor. He stands up slowly, eyes trained on Alex’s face as he speaks.  
“You look..." he begins, but Ashton cuts him off.  
“Like a big fat homo!” Ashton cheers suddenly. He flings himself towards Alex and wraps his arms around him, pressing his face into Alex’s hair and breathing in. Ashton is fucking psycho. Alex tenses a little, eyes widening at his words. Matt seems to notice and looks at Alex with soft, pleading eyes, like he’s praying Alex takes it for the joke that it was intended to be. Alex lets out a breath and pats Ashton’s back gently. “I’m so proud,” he sniffles.  
Matt steps up behind Ashton to grab the back of his shirt and pull him backwards and away from Alex. He’s glad to see that Matt’s hair didn’t change much, it’s still wild and messy, but now it looks like it was out of intent rather than laziness. It’s straighter than normal and falls in his eyes in the most adorable way. Alex is glad he didn’t get a lot taken off. Alex likes to bury his fingers in Matt’s hair and tug when he’s...well, he just likes Matt’s hair a lot.  
“Do you, uh, like it?” Alex asks, lamely gesturing towards his head. Jared grins and nods, leaning in to kiss the corner of Alex’s mouth.  
“So fucking gorgeous,” he mumbles, and Alex shivers.  
“Okay!” Nicki shouts. “Time for Sephora!”  
All the boys groan. Well, with the exception of Ashton, who squeals and claps his hands together. By the time they get back to Nate’s car the girls have so many bags that it’s a wonder they all have room to sit. It’s a good thing the boys all made arrangements to pick their tuxes up the day before the dance, otherwise someone might have had to hoof it home.  
“Red Robin?” Nate asks suddenly. They’re only a few blocks away from Matt’s house, from home. It’s still a little strange to think of it that way. “Burgers and fries? I’m fucking starving.” Matt and Alex look at each other, noses scrunching up slightly as they shake their heads.  
“Nah,” Matt says. “My mom should be home soon.”  
“Fucking invite her!” Chance calls out from the passenger seat. He could probably put calling shotgun on his resume as a special skill. He’s that good at it. “We love us some Mama J.”  
“Maybe another time,” Alex says, and he sees Nate shrug.  
“Count us out, too,” Mazi says. She’s braiding Nicki’s hair while she dozes. “We’ve got that Spanish project to finish.”  
“Looks like it’s just you and me, baby,” Chance says in a sugary sweet voice. He reaches out to touch Nate’s hand where it rests on the gearshift. “My sweet little sugar plum.”  
“Chance, seriously,” Nate says as he pulls up in front of their house. “When are you going to suck my dick?”  
“Pay for my burger and I’ll think about it,” Chance says blandly, not even missing a beat. “But if you want a money shot I better at least get some dessert, bitch.”  
“Oh god,” Alex chuckles, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head. Matt and the girls crack up and Matt leans over the back of the seat to give them both kisses on the cheek before they exit.  
Alex and Matt hop out of Nate’s car and he’s still chuckling when Matt shuts the door. Alex takes a step forward and nearly tumbles when Matt pounces on him, arms wrapping around his chest as he bites playfully at the back of his neck. Alex laughs hard and his hands come up to rest on Matt’s arms as they awkwardly stumble up the walkway. Matt freezes suddenly and his arms slip away until his hands are resting lightly on Alex’s hips.  
“Can I help you?” Matt asks politely, but Alex can sense the hesitancy in his voice. He looks up to see someone standing on the porch and his heart drops into his stomach. He fights against the urge to pull away from Matt and move even closer all at once. He finally takes one step forward and the action causes Matt’s hands to fall from his hips.  
“It’s my brother,” Alex says shakily. Matt immediately takes a step forward and places himself at Alex’s side, one hand low on Alex’s back. Alex reaches up to ruffle his hair, messing up the ridiculous fringe the stylist had given him.  
“Hey Alex.” Michael clears his throat nervously. Alex doesn’t look up to meet Michael’s eyes, too afraid of what he’ll see. “I, uh...I wanted to talk to you. Privately.”  
Matt scoffs and his fingers twist themselves into the folds of Alex’s tee shirt. Alex finally looks up at his brother. There’s no look of contempt on his face; he doesn’t look disgusted or angry. He just looks a little lost, out of his element. It’s an unfamiliar look on Michael, but then again, pretty much everything about his big brother is unfamiliar by now.  
“It’s okay, Matt,” Alex assures him, looking over at him and touching his wrist. “I’m fine. I’ll meet you inside.”  
“You sure?” Matt leans in so close his lips nearly brush Alex’s ear. Alex nods and gives him a little smile as he tugs on Matt’s bracelet. Matt lets a breath out through his nose and kisses his cheek. Alex looks over at Michael in time to see him avert his eyes.  
Matt walks past Michael without so much as a glance in his direction. He opens the front door and Sofi comes barreling out. Alex catches her by the collar and Matt gives him a look before going inside and shutting the door, leaving Sofi wiggling happily at Alex’s feet. A guard dog. Matt is ridiculous. Alex heaves a sigh and sits down on the top step of the porch, making Sofi sit at his feet while he rubs her ears.  
“So that’s Matt, huh?” Michael asks as he sits down next to Alex. He looks over at his brother with a raised eyebrow and he shrugs. He holds his hand out for Sofi to sniff and she licks it. Such a ferocious guard dog. “Amanda told me where to find you.”  
“Oh,” Alex replies stiffly. They sit there for a long time, and Alex can barely stand the awkwardness. He thinks of how he never sees his brother, how he’s lived just over an hour away from him for the last four months, and the only encounter he ever had with Michael was when his other brothers gave him a bag of booze and porn in passing. There may as well have been a stranger sitting next to him.  
“What do you want, Michael?” Alex finally asks. Sofi whines and eyes Michael suspiciously like she knows he’s the one causing her new human such anxiety.  
“I wanted to apologize,” Michael finally says, and Alex blinks. That was not what he was expecting. He looks over at Michael to see him staring down at his wedding ring, spinning it slowly around his finger. Sometimes he forgets how grown up his brother is now.  
“For what?” Sofi flops down onto the grass, apparently finding their stilted conversation not worth her interest.  
“For being a shitty big brother,” Michael replies bluntly, and Alex’s mouth falls open slightly. Michael looks over at him and shrugs helplessly. “I know what Mom and Dad are like. They’ve always been like that. And as soon as I graduated high school, I took off. I got out of there as fast as I could and I never looked back.” Alex doesn’t know what to say. He picks absently at his bracelet while Michael rubs at his chin.  
“I left you guys there to deal with it all,” Michael continues. “And Alex, you were just a kid. I saw how bad they ragged on you and I just left, worried about all my own shit and forgot I had a kid brother and a baby sister that looked up to me.”  
Alex was twelve when Michael left for college. He remembers how much it hurt that the big brother that taught him how to ride a bike and catch a ball was just gone all of a sudden, like he vanished into thin air.  
“I always suspected you were a little different,” Michael says quietly, and Alex’s gaze snaps over to him. Michael huffs and scuffs the toe of his sneaker against the ground. It’s sort of odd to see him dressed so casually. He usually only sees his brother on special occasions, dressed to the nines and ready to impress. “Not in a bad way, and I don’t just mean...you know.”  
“Thanks for making yourself clear,” Alex says derisively, and Michael sighs.  
“I meant that you’ve always been a thinker, and I knew how much trouble that could get you in with our parents.” Matt looks up and stares out at nothing, squinting against the sun. “Then when I found out you were gay, which was only a week or so ago, it made me think. I couldn’t even imagine what you must have felt like, how scared you must have been. And I realized that maybe if I hadn’t been such an asshole, you would have had someone to talk to.”  
Alex feels a familiar prickling behind his eyes and looks out into the sun, biting his lip to keep from getting upset. He doesn’t like the think about how isolated he felt before Matt, how he longed for someone to tell him that there was nothing wrong with him, that’d he be alright.  
“So, you don’t care that I’m...that I’m gay?” Alex asks hesitantly, eyes drifting to the side to look at his brother’s face. Michael reaches out to put his hand on Alex’s shoulder, a firm but caring touch, and he shakes his head.  
“I honestly don’t, Alex,” he says, patting Alex’s shoulder and letting his hand drop to the porch. “I don’t really get it, but I don’t have to. I mean, I figure if it’s not me you’re having sex with, I shouldn’t give a shit. One of my best friends from college is gay. We still keep in touch and I was at the wedding when he married his partner last year.”  
“Really?” Alex asks incredulously, and Michael smiles at him. He never would have guessed that his brother would be so tolerant. Then again, he’s just basing that on the way they were raised. By his standards, Michael should also be a homophobe. He shakes his head at the irony and smiles at his brother. “That’s pretty cool.”  
“Dude, come on. I live in San Francisco. If I didn’t like the gays I would have gone crazy by now,” Michael jokes. He clears his throat as his expression goes serious again. “I know I act like the picture perfect son when I’m around Mom and Dad, but I just want them off my case. Truth is, I’m my own person. And now, so are you.”  
“It’s a nice feeling, isn’t it?” Alex asks. Michael grins over at him as he knocks their shoulders together.  
“I just wanted to come out here and see you,” Michael says earnestly. “I needed you to know that I don’t care who you’re with. You’re my brother and I love you. I just want you to be happy.”  
“Thanks Michael,” Alex says with a soft smile. “I..that really means a lot.”  
“I need you in my life, dude,” Michael says suddenly. “My kid needs an uncle.”  
“Yeah, it’ll be...wait, what?” Alex says, whipping his head around to look at Michael. He’s grinning ear to ear, eyes bright and happy. “Your kid?”  
“Elizabeth’s pregnant,” Michael says. He’s practically bouncing. “Shit, Alex. I’m gonna be a dad.”  
“Holy shit! Congrats!” Alex pats Michael on the back and he nods. “I’m gonna be an uncle, wow. Well, I guess Mom and Dad are happy someone’s gonna carry on the family name.”  
“They don’t know yet,” Michael says, and Alex blinks in surprise. That’s all Michael says on the subject. He leans back on his elbows and laughs when Sofi rolls over onto his foot. “So, you’re happy here.” It’s not a question. Alex just nods and smiles serenely. Michael looks over at him. “Being in love does that to a person, I guess,” Michael says casually, and Alex feels his cheeks heat up. “I saw the way you guys looked at each other. No denying it.”  
“He’s… pretty great,” Alex says. He pushes at Sofi’s ribs with the toe of his shoe and she kicks her back leg rapidly.  
“Can I meet him?” Michael asks. “Like, now that he doesn’t have to be all protective and threatening?”  
“Uh, sure,” Alex says. He pulls himself up onto his feet and yanks open the front door. Matt is already standing there, eyes fixed on the ceiling as he whistles innocently. Alex raises an eyebrow and Matt smiles timidly. “Hey. Wanna meet my brother?”  
Matt nods rapidly and follows Alex out onto the porch with Mash following close behind. Michael stands up and dusts off the seat of his jeans as Mash sniffs him. He and Michael regard each other for a moment, almost like they’re sizing each other up. Alex rolls his eyes, but it feels good to have two people he cares deeply for trying to look after him.  
“Matt, this is my brother, Michael.” Alex puts his hand on Matt’s arm. “And Michael, this is my...my boyfriend, Matt.”  
Alex has never introduced Matt as his boyfriend before. Actually, he’s never introduced Matt to anyone before. It’s always the other way around. It feels good to say out loud. Matt puts on his most charming grin and reaches out to shake Michael’s hand. Michael takes his hand and shakes it, taking it one step further to lean in and give Matt that awkward half-handshake half-hug hybrid thing straight guys seem to enjoy. Matt raises an eyebrow and gives Michael one quick pat on the back before letting go.  
“It’s good to meet you, Michael,” Matt says sincerely, eyes shining. Alex can hear what he’s really saying underneath the cordial words, thank you for being here for him, thank you for not hating me.  
“You too, Matt,” Michael says jovially. Despite the awkward handshake, this seems to be going really well. Alex can’t contain his megawatt grin.  
They hang out on the porch for awhile, exchanging small talk until the sun starts to dip below the horizon. It’s comfortable and easy. Matt sits on the bottom step between Matt’s legs and rests his elbows on Matt’s knees as his brother leans against the side of the porch across from them.  
“But seriously,” Michael says as he buries his fingers in the fur between Mash’s ears. “You guys should come visit us. We have a nice place in the city with an extra bedroom. You could even bring some friends. Make a weekend out of it.”  
“That sounds great, Michael,” Alex says brightly, tipping his head back to look up at Matt. They’re sporting matching grins. “We should do that.”  
“Definitely.” Matt leans down to kiss the tip of his nose and Michael lets out a snort.  
Sherry’s car pulls into the driveway and all three of them look over as she gets out. The dogs run over to bark at her feet and she merely rolls her eyes and ignores them. She’s still wearing her uniform, a white button down and black pants under a black apron. She stops when she reaches the porch and her eyes slide over Michael appraisingly.  
“And who is this fine, young specimen of a man?” She asks, looking him up and down again. Alex snorts. She must have had a long day and now she’s delirious.  
“This is my brother Michael,” Alex says. Sherry blinks and her expression smooths out.  
“Oh,” she says flatly. “Hello embarrassment, my old friend. Does this officially make me a cougar? I could totally be a cougar.”  
“Someone needs a nap,” Matt laughs. “This is my mom, Sherry.”  
“What? No way,” Michael says as he gets up to shake her hand. “You do not look old enough to have a teenage son.”  
“Oh, I could definitely be a cougar,” she says, and Michael laughs. Matt rolls his eyes as she pulls away from Michael and climbs up on the porch, whistling for the dogs to follow. “Are you staying for dinner, Michael? I’m making...no, fuck that. I’m ordering Chinese and you’re staying.”  
Michael raises an eyebrow as she shuts the door behind her, chuckling as he looks over at Alex.  
“I can see why you love it here so much,” he says, and Alex beams at him.  
After dinner Alex walks Michael out to his car so he can head home. Elizabeth usually craves Starbursts and chocolate milk before bed every night and if he’s not home with them on time it’s his ass.  
“You’re lucky you’ll never have to deal with a crazy, hormonal pregnant woman,” Michael tells him, and Alex chuckles. Michael’s expression goes serious and Alex looks over at him when Michael’s arm goes around his shoulders.  
“I really want us to be brothers again, kid,” Michael tells him, and Alex swallows hard. He nods and pats Michael’s shoulder. “But you have to learn from my mistakes. Don’t repeat them. The little squirt is all alone now. I’m trusting you to be the brother I never was, okay?”  
“Yeah, okay,” Alex says instantly. He thinks of how he felt when Michael took off, how Amanda must be feeling right now.  
“Call me when you guys want to come down for the weekend,” Michael says. “I think it’ll be fun.”  
“Yeah, sure,” Alex replies. Michael nods and turns to get into his car. “Hey Michael?” His brother looks over at him, one eyebrow raised in question. “Thanks.”  
“You’re my family,” Michael says simply like that’s all that matters, all that should matter. With that, he gets into his car and drives away.  
************************************************************************  
The next day Matt and Alex ditch last period to go make camp in the college parking lot. Matt sits on the hood of his crappy car and Alex chews his bottom lip nervously. What if surprising her like this is a bad idea? He just wants to take her out for ice cream so she can meet Matt and they can talk. Maybe he should have called her first. But then Amanda comes out and sees her little brother and his boyfriend waiting for her. She stumbles to a stop, blinks a few times, and then grins harder than Alex’s ever seen. Alex grins back.  
Matt’s hair isn’t cooperating. Which, Matt’s hair never cooperates. But it’s prom. It could work with him a little. Matt huffs and smooths his hair down with his hands again. There’s a knock on the door and his mom walks in with various bottles and a flat iron in hand.  
“Mom, no,” Matt whines, but she just pushes him down on the side of the bed and goes to work. By the time she’s done his usually unmanageable mop of hair actually looks, well, good. He tucks a stray lock behind his ear and turns to face her. “Thanks.”  
“Welcome,” she replies. “Now back to Alex. He’s having bowtie issues.”  
Matt wants to ask her if Alex seems excited, if he seems like he really wants to go, but she’s out of the room before he has a chance to open his mouth. Mat pulls on his tuxedo and takes extra care to make sure his lavender cummerbund is straight before pulling on his jacket. He fiddles with his bowtie before deciding to just leave it undone with the ends hanging over the lapels of his jacket. He reaches for his shiny black dress shoes, but his eyes drift to the left. He smiles as he grabs his worn-in black Converse with the rainbow laces, the same pair he was wearing on the day he met Alex. He checks himself one last time in the mirror, making sure he has everything he needs before taking a deep breath and leaving his room. Alex is leaving his at the same moment and they crash into each other, chuckling slightly as they clutch each other’s arms.  
“Wow,” Matt breathes. He looks Alex up and down and his eyes widen slightly. The cut of Alex’s tuxedo is more traditional where Matt’s is more contemporary. He contrasts the timeless style of his tux with a slightly messy hairstyle, soft looking strands sticking up in the slightest fauxhawk. The lavender vest he’s wearing is the exact shade of Matt’s cummerbund, and that makes Matt grin. “You look… wow.”  
“Thanks.” Matt blushes as he tugs on the ends of Matt’s tie. “You too.”  
“No hair gel?” Matt swipes his fingers through Alex’s hair. It's sticking up slightly now. Alex blinks and scrunches up his nose.  
“Sherry told me to leave my hair down.” He blinks a few more times. “Still should've used some.”  
Matt’s toe bumps up against Alex’s foot and Alex looks down, raising an eyebrow at Matt’s choice of footwear. He looks back up with his tongue in his cheek as he smiles at Matt, who just shrugs with a smirk.  
“Boys!” Sherry calls from the living room. “Your ride will be here soon. I want pictures!”  
Matt and Alex roll their eyes and head down the hallway together to greet Sherry in the living room. The dogs are barking at the back door, but the last thing either of them needs are muddy paw prints on their rented tuxedos.  
“Oh my god,” Sherry says, bringing her hand to her mouth. “You boys are so gorgeous. I just...stay there!”  
She rushes into the kitchen and comes back with two small plastic boxes. She hands them each one and Matt chuckles as he looks inside. In the boxes are two matching boutonnieres; tiny bouquets of baby’s breath and lavender. Matt takes his out and pins it carefully to Alex’s lapel, taking extra care not to stick him as flashes from his mother’s camera make his vision dance.  
“This is so surreal,” Alex says softly. His fingers are shaky as he pins his own boutonniere to Matt’s jacket. When he finally gets it fastened, Matt lifts Alex’s chin with his index finger and looks at him questioningly. Alex swallows hard and curls his fingers around Matt’s wrist. “I just never thought I’d be going to my senior prom with my boyfriend.”  
“Believe it, baby.” Matt grins and leans in to press their mouths together just as another flash goes off.  
They pose for the traditional pre-prom photography session with broad grins on their happy faces as Sherry snaps picture after picture. The doorbell rings and their friends file inside without bothering to wait for an answer. Mazi and Nicki look so breathtakingly beautiful that Matt knows if there ever was the slightest chance of him being straight, he’d know it then and there. But once he’s done appraising Mazi and Nicki, his eyes go right back to Alex. Chance comes in wearing a traditional black tux with a blue cummerbund and bowtie in a shade that brings out the color in his eyes. He actually looks really grown-up and handsome. But of course he’s going stag, because Chance is Chance and some things never change. Nate comes in next with his date trailing behind him. He’s bringing a boy named Caleb that Matt doesn’t know very well. He’s sort of pretentious and weird. He and Nate probably get along like a house on fire. Ashton and Rache bring up the rear and they look absolutely fabulous. There is just no other word to describe them. Rache is squeezed into a royal blue dress that leaves little to the imagination and Ashton is rocking a tight black tuxedo with a shirt the color of Rache’s dress and a black skinny tie. His black hair is styled in an impressive bouffant and his eyes are lined with kohl. When they both raise their hands to clap them together, Matt notices that their fingernails catch the light, shining with glitter. Matt sort of wants to applaud them.  
“Look at you guys!” Sherry exclaims, coming forward to hug them all. “You all look so beautiful. Pictures!”  
They spend another fifteen minutes or so posing for pictures, some serious, but mostly ridiculous. Through the front window Matt can see the limo idling on the curb. It was sort of extravagant, but once they all pitched in the cost was actually pretty low.  
“Okay, Mom, we gotta go,” Matt tells her. She nods and puts her camera away.  
“Bye Mommy!” Mazi and Nicki chirp in unison. They each give her a hug before simpering out the door.  
“Later, Mama J,” Chance tells her, saluting her before exiting as well.  
“See ya, Ma,” Nate says, kissing her cheek before heading out to the limo, pulling Caleb along by the hand. Alex steps forward excitedly and hugs Sherry quickly.  
“Bye, Mom.” He grins at her before heading outside to join the group cramming into the limo. Sherry gasps a little, eyes going wet and wide as she looks over at Matt. His breath catches in his throat as he smiles. He decides not to make a big deal out of it.  
“Love you,” Matt tells her, kissing her cheek before going out to join his friends. He squeezes into the limo next to Alex and leans in to grab his chin and press a quick kiss to his lips.  
************************************************************************  
Since the school really isn’t that far away and they’re sort of early, they have the limo take them around town while they blare loud music and drink sparkling cider out of flutes, pretending it’s champagne. By the time they finally make it into the gym they’re all giggly and happy. The theme Bella and her committee finally landed on was ‘The Last Night on Earth’. The walls have been covered in dark blue butcher paper and white star cut-outs. White and silver stars and streamers hang from the ceiling along with overinflated balloons. Each table is covered with a dark blue tablecloth and a liberal amount of glitter. Ashton and Rache immediately start to play in it. The decorations are cheesy, the music is too loud, and the food is crap, but hey, it’s their prom. They lay claim to a large table near the back so they can watch over the festivities. The girls leave their purses and drag the boys out onto the dance floor against their will. They dance as a group until they’re breathless and sweat dampens Matt’s temples. As soon as a slow song starts, Mazi and Nicki wrap their arms around each other and Chance grabs the nearest blonde underclassmen he can find. Nate and Caleb start to awkwardly sway and Rache kicks her shoes off and hops up on Ashton’s feet. A few people give their group a quick askance glance and a few eyebrows quirk up questionably, but no one says anything. Matt is proud of how tolerant his student body is. Alex and Matt just sort of stare at each other for a moment before wandering over to the refreshments table.  
“Are you having fun?” Matt asks as Alex fills a cup from the fancy punch fountain situated in the middle of the table. He takes a long drink and refills it before handing it to Matt.  
“Yeah,” he says over the music. He turns to lean against the table and watch the couples dancing to some cheesy slow song. Matt wants to take his hand and ask him to dance, but he isn’t sure how Alex would react in such a crowded room.  
Another fast song starts up and Alex heads back over to the group. Rache grabs his hands and starts doing some crazy dance, dragging Alex along for the ride. He laughs hard and throws his head back. The blue and purple lights look amazing dancing across his skin. Matt’s heart skips a beat or two, and he falls a little further. He dances with Mazi and Nicki, twirling them in dizzy circles in time with the music. After a bit another ballad starts and everyone pairs off. Alex is a few feet away, and he looks over at Matt with his teeth firmly planted in his bottom lip. Matt takes a deep breath and holds a hopeful hand out to his boyfriend. Alex steps forward and takes it, wrapping an arm around Matt’s waist as they dance.  
************************************************************************  
Alex has to admit that he’s having a lot more fun than he thought he would. He’s danced with everyone at least once, including a somewhat hilarious waltz with Ashton as Matt watched and laughed hysterically. But the crowds are starting to get to him. It’s a little too hot, a little too stuffy, and a little too loud. He’s sequestered himself in a chair at their table, surrounded by purses and high heels. The punch tastes a little funny, like maybe someone tried to spike it but only put in enough alcohol to give it a bitter tang. Alex wrinkles his nose and sets his cup on the table. Matt comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and resting against his back. Alex smiles and tilts his head to the side as Matt presses a soft kiss to his neck.  
“Hey,” Matt says. He lifts up a little and tilts Alex’s head back to look at him. He gives him a quick upside down kiss and nips the tip of his nose. “Wanna get out of here? Go for a walk?”  
Alex nods gratefully and allows Matt to pull him out of his chair. The air outside carries a slight chill but it feels wonderful against Alex’s overheated skin. The farther they get away from the gym, the quieter the music gets. Soon all they hear is the thump of the bass. They’re not supposed to be walking around campus like this, but it seems like Matt always has a way of bending the rules until they work in his favor. A slight breeze ruffles the leaves of the trees and Matt moves closer, reaching out to snag Alex’s hand and tangle their fingers together. Alex smiles at the familiar touch and squeezes Matt’s hand tightly for a moment. They walk through the senior lawn and pass posters reminding them to pick up their caps and gowns and sign up for senior graduation activities. Alex doesn’t really like to think about it. It figures that as soon as he finally starts to enjoy going to school, it comes to a swift and sudden end. But he has come to realize that his happiness is not tied to this school or the memories he made in it. And although he’s a major factor in Alex’s happiness, it isn’t tethered to Matt either. Matt is the only one that holds the key. It was a long, hard road that led him to that realization, but he’s finally made it. As long as he is happy with himself, no one else’s opinion matters.And he is. Happy with himself, that is. It feels good not to hide. He likes who he is and he likes being honest with both himself and everyone else. His life has been sort of like bungee jumping, this intensely terrifying, never ending freefall. Finding Matt had been the snap in the cable, the moment he stopped falling and started shooting upward. And now, finally, his feet are on the ground. He’s a little dizzy, but he’s feeling good.  
“And here we are.” Matt’s voice snaps him from his thoughts. He blinks a few times and the wind it sends his new hair flying and puffs it up. He blinks, and waits for the wind to die down before fixing his hair again.  
He looks over to see Matt extracting a set of keys from the pocket of his pants. A small silver one catches the light of the moon as Matt holds it up.  
“You’re telling me you’re one of those students that have an ambiguously acquired set of spare keys to the school?” Alex arches an eyebrow and Matt gives him that sly little grin, the one where his eyes get bright and the tip of his tongue presses against the back of his teeth.  
“They’re not to the whole school,” Matt replies with a smirk as he unlocks the photo lab. He ushers Alex inside and flips on one set of lights. It’s sort of eerie to be in such an expansive, empty classroom after dark, also a little thrilling, like breaking the rules. “And they’re not ambiguously acquired,” Matt continues as he slips out of his tux jacket and then helps Alex out of his. “Wags gave me a set last year because I never had time after school to work on my projects, so he let me come in early. He never asked for them back, and I never offered.”  
“Precarious,” Alex comments. Matt flicks the end of his nose. “Why are we in here?”  
“I’m feeling nostalgic,” Matt says wistfully. They leave their jackets on a table as he leads Alex towards the back of the classroom. “And we had some good times in this classroom, if I recall correctly.”  
Alex’s heart skips a beat as Matt opens the door to the darkroom and ushers him inside. Matt shuts the door and it’s pitch black inside, too dark to even see his hand in front of his face. Matt turns him around in the darkness, presses him up against the counter and leans in to whisper in his ear.  
“Scared?” He breathes as one arm curls around Alex’s waist. Alex blinks like his eyes will suddenly adjust and lets a breath out through his nose.  
“No,” he replies truthfully. His lips brush Matt’s smooth jaw as he wraps his arms around Matt’s waist. He can hear some shuffling around and suddenly the safelight comes on, bathing the tiny room in a soft orange glow.  
Alex remembers how scared he was last time he was in this room, trembling and nervous just from being in a small space with Matt. Now he’s all wrapped up in Matt’s strong arms and he tilts his face up to kiss him without a second thought. Matt responds immediately, tongue parting Alex’s lips and dipping inside. Alex groans softly as Matt grabs him by the hips and lifts him with little effort to place him on the countertop. The angle changes so Matt is now the one with his face tipped upwards as they kiss. Alex puts his hand on Matt’s cheek and kisses him passionately, feeling his lips tingle with overuse. Matt reaches up to undo Alex’s bowtie and the top button of his dress shirt. A soft sigh escapes his lips as he leans in to nuzzle the soft, smooth skin of Alex’s throat and press soft kisses to his collarbone. Alex tips his head back and relishes in the sensation of Mat’s lips on his skin.  
“A little different than last time,” he mumbles, and Matt chuckles against his skin. Matt stops kissing him and wraps his arms around Alex’s waist, holding him tight against his body as he breathes softly against Alex’s shoulder. Alex cups the back of Matt’s head with one hand, the other resting between his shoulder blades as one leg stays loosely wrapped around his hips.  
They’re quiet for a long time, just embracing under the dim red light bulb. Matt opens his mouth against Alex’s neck but closes it again, swallowing hard as his lips travel to Alex’s ear. He puts one hand over Alex’s heart, palm flat against his heart beat.  
“I’m so in love with you,” Matt admits in a whisper. A shudder runs through Alex’s entire body at the words and makes him tremble in Matt’s grasp. Matt pulls back slightly and Alex clutches at the back of his dress shirt to keep him close. But Matt just looks up into Alex’s wide eyes and reaches up to place his hand on Alex’s cheek. “I love you, Lex.”  
Several emotions run through Alex’s mind much too fast for him to pin any one of them down, but one thought finally settles itself at the front of Alex’s mind, yes, yes yes yes.  
“I love you,” Alex tells him. The words ring truer than anything he’s ever said in his entire life. He’s a little surprised at how easily the phrase tumbles from his lips, but then again, not really.  
He thinks a little part of himself has loved Matt from the moment they met, since Matt introduced himself with mashed potatoes in his hair and gravy on his shirt. He’s been inexplicably drawn to this boy since day one, something made him keep going back to him when everything else was telling him to run away. Maybe it was the same thing that’s running wild and rampant through his veins right now. Alex spent the first eighteen years of his life thinking he would never know what love felt like, that he’d never get to experience it first hand. Now he knows exactly what it means to be in love. It’s scary and intense, white-hot and all consuming. It’s powerful and everlasting.He puts his hand on Matt’s chest and smiles at the way his heart is beating a little faster now than it was before. He looks into Matt’s eyes and presses their lips together, soft and sure. It’s this, right here.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first epilogue of the end of my book....wow...we're already here guys...I think I am going to cry since I won't write much for these characters anymore. Well...one more epilogue to go before I'm done

It’s been six months since Alex met Matt, four months since their first kiss, and two months since Alex moved in with him and Sherry. The major events in his life seem to be happening in two month intervals. In the middle of September they start college in the city, so that’ll be eight months. But the six month mark is sort of lacking so far. Sure, Matt is turning nineteen in a week, but that’s a major event in his life, not Alex’s. It looks like if Alex wants his milestone to come on time, he’ll have to make it happen. He can do that, no problem. There’s already a plan half-formulated in his mind.  
“Busy weekend coming up,” Sherry says a few nights later at dinner. They’re all in the living room with plates of food, ignoring the dogs’ pleading eyes as they watch television. “There’s Matt’s party on Saturday and then on Sunday my little boy turns nineteen. Shit, nineteen. I’m old.”  
“Yep,” Matt says brightly, “To all counts.” Sherry hits Matt in the face with a throw pillow and he nearly drops his plate.  
“And, uh,” Alex begins. His cheeks turn pink just at the thought of his plan. “I’m planning something for Friday night. For the two of us.”  
“Aw, Lex.” Matt looks over at him with a big grin. “You don’t have to do anything special for me. If you have a present you can just give it to me at the party.”  
“No,” Alex chuckles. “I can’t. Friday night, you and me.”  
“Okay,” Matt agrees, nudging Alex’s shoulder with his own before he shovels another Matt-sized bite of food into his mouth. Sherry looks over at Alex with an arched eyebrow and a knowing expression and Alex’s cheeks flush anew.  
“Just as well,” Sherry says. “Friday night is margarita night. I’m staying over at a friend’s.” She winks at Alex when Matt isn’t looking and Alex resists the urge to bury his face in his hands.  
“Oh, really?” Matt asks. “I didn’t know that was coming up. Have fun.”  
“Half as much as you do, I hope,” Sherry says, and Alex lets out a squeak. Matt just continues to be oblivious, eyes locked on the television. He accidently drops a piece of potato salad off of his fork and Mash snaps it out of the air.  
Alex needs advice about this plan, but he usually gets all his advice from Matt. In this particular situation, that isn’t an option. His next choice would be the girls, but they’re out too. Alex needs a guy’s advice. A gay guy, so Chance is out as well. His next option is Nate, but the awkwardness alone would kill him. That’s how Alex finds himself going shopping with Ashton on a stiflingly hot July afternoon.  
“I’m fucking sweating off my eyeliner,” Ashton complains as they trudge across the crowded mall parking lot. “Is my hair getting puffy? I swear, heat and humidity are not friends of glam.”  
“You look fine,” Alex tells him. “Your hair is as straight as you are not.”  
“Aw, that’s sweet,” Ashton replies, tucking Alex against his side. “Now, you said you wanted to talk? C’mon, girl. Spill.”  
And then Alex does. Ashton is surprisingly sensitive and helpful on the topic. He doesn’t really tell him anything about what he’s planning that Alex doesn’t already know, but he does calm his nerves and help him mentally prepare. After they leave the mall, Ashton even takes him a different kind of shopping so he doesn’t have to do it alone. Alex has this idea about his presentation. It’s either sweet, dorky, or just dumb. Possibly all three. Either way, Alex spends a good chunk of his Friday afternoon banning Matt from his room and getting everything ready. He wraps Matt’s present, tidies up and changes the sheets on his bed, running his nervous fingers through his hair so many times it’s nearly standing up on end. He goes to take a shower, tossing one last ‘enter and die’ at Matt before disappearing into the bathroom. Once he’s done he changes into a pair of black boxer-briefs, his nicest jeans, and a turqouise button down Ashton swears makes his eyes the most gorgeous thing on the planet. He fixes his hair before staring at his reflection in the mirror and letting out a harsh breath. He gets to the living room just in time to see Sherry gathering her things.  
“Okay, kids,” she says. “I’m out of here. Be good.” She gives Matt and Alex each a kiss on the cheek and leaves with a flourish. Matt turns around, clad in a white tee and raggedy old basketball shorts, and his eyes widen when he sees Alex.  
“Whoa,” he breathes. “Hello, gorgeous. Are we going somewhere?”  
“No, I’m cooking,” Alex replies. “But if you wanted to go get cleaned up, that’d be fantastic.”  
“The things we do for love,” Matt says airily, winking at Alex and giving him a quick peck on the cheek before disappearing down the hallway.  
Alex starts making a quick, simple pasta dish that Sherry taught him and he knows Matt loves. He sticks some garlic bread in the oven and throws together a quick salad before setting the rarely used dining room table and lighting one candle in the center of it and dimming the lights. For once in his life, Alex is glad Matt takes the longest showers known to man. He’s already making their plates when Matt finally emerges. His hair is styled and he’s wearing nice jeans and the dark grey button down Alex loves.  
“Whoa,” he says when he walks into the dimly lit dining room. Alex sets their plates down and wipes his hands on his thighs.  
“Too much?” Alex asks as he glances between the table and Matt. His boyfriend comes up and kisses his temple before sitting down.  
“No,” he replies. “It looks fantastic.”  
Alex nods and goes back into the kitchen. When he talked to Sherry about his dinner plans, she told him they could each have one glass of wine. So Alex pours some red wine into two pretty wine glasses and brings them out to the table.  
“Ooh, fancy,” Matt says as Alex sits down and sets his wine glass in front of him.  
“A toast,” Alex says as he holds out his own glass. “To adulthood.”  
“To our future,” Matt replies, and clinks their glasses together.  
The wine helps relax Alex a little, but he’s still fidgeting slightly when they finish their meal. Matt sops up the last of the sauce with a piece of bread, so Alex assumes he did a good job.  
“Ready for your present?” Alex asks as he leans forward to blow out the candle. Matt nods and wipes his mouth with his napkin before jumping up.  
“Hell yeah. Is it a pony?” Alex chuckles as he leads them down the hallway to his room. He takes a deep breath before he pushes the door open and goes in. Matt stumbles to a halt at the sight of the large wrapped box sitting in the middle of the floor. “Holy shit. Is it a pony?”  
“Just open it.” Alex laughs as he sits on the edge of his bed and smoothes his hand across the freshly washed sheets. Matt tears into the paper with a vengeance, revealing nothing but a plain brown moving box. He tears off the tape and flips it open eagerly, sending packing peanuts flying everywhere.  
“There’s nothing in here,” Matt says as he shoves his arms into the peanuts. “Oh, wait.” He pulls out another box wrapped in different paper and raises an eyebrow at Alex, who merely grins. “Creative.”  
Matt tears the paper off of the smaller box to reveal...more packing peanuts. Matt laughs as he pulls out yet another box. He repeats the process through two more boxes, until he has a small square box wrapped in plain blue paper in his hands.  
“I’m losing hope that this is a pony,” Matt tells him. He has packing peanuts in his hair and there is shredded wrapping paper everywhere. So much for cleaning his room. Alex opens his mouth to say something but snaps it shut again, swallowing hard. With every box Matt uncovers, he gets a little more nervous.  
Matt opens the last box and shifts the peanuts around until he extracts a tiny white gift bag. He looks up at Alex and he nods, biting back a nervous smile. Matt sticks his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he unties the bag and sticks his hand inside. Matt extracts his hand with a furrowed brow and tosses the bag aside. He turns his hand over and opens it, and his eyes widen when he spots the single condom and small tube of lube resting in his palm.  
“Happy Birthday,” Alex tells him, proud of the way his voice doesn’t waver. He’s nervous as fuck, but he wants this.  
“Wow, Alex,” Matt says, closing his hands around the objects and looking up at him. “This is...wow. Are you sure?”  
“Matt,” Alex says with a small smile. “It’s not like this is a spur of the moment decision. I mean, I’ve obviously planned this out.” He gestures around at the giant pile of wrapping paper and packing peanuts that was once his bedroom floor. “I even went condom shopping with Ashton.”  
“Oh, babe,” Matt chuckles. He looks down at his hand and back up again before finally climbing to his feet and coming over to sit next to Alex on the bed. “You’re really sure.”  
“Matt,” Alex says, taking Matt's hand. “I trust you. I love you. I want to be with you.”  
“I love you,” Matt repeats. They both lean in and meet in the middle, lips pressing together reverently. Their hands twist in each other’s clothes, all eagerness and want, and soon they’re both in their underwear. They’re tangled up on the bed and Alex can barely breathe from all the kissing. Matt finally pulls away and he sucks in a deep breath.  
“Okay,” Matt says roughly. He puts the condom on Alex’s chest and sits up. “You take that, and let me just..."  
“No,” Alex says shallowly. He takes the condom and holds it out. “No, I...I want you to do it.”  
“Oh, okay.” Matt blinks and takes the condom back. “I just thought, well..."  
Alex closes his eyes for a moment. He knows that Matt bottomed in his first and only sexual experience, that’s his preference, and Alex is touched that he’d give that up for him. But that’s not what Alex wants, he wants Matt all around him, on top of him, in him.  
“I want you in me,” Alex says on a shaky exhale. “It’s...that’s how I pictured it.”  
Matt just smiles at him and leans down to kiss him again, one hand placed lovingly on his cheek. Alex trembles slightly as he kisses back, nerves he just can’t seem to shake no matter how badly he wants this to happen. He hooks his fingers in the waistband of Matt’s underwear and pushes them down, cupping the firm curve of his ass. Matt kisses his way down Alex’s chest, pausing to show his nipples a little extra attention before his lips make their way down the center of his stomach. He pulls Alex’s underwear down slowly, lips following the curve of his hip. Once they’re both naked, Matt grabs a pillow and slips it under Alex’s hips before leaning over him and kissing him again.  
“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Matt says, and Alex chuckles as he kisses the tip of his nose.  
“I won’t want you to,” he assures him, “but okay.”  
Matt kisses him again and slides back down Alex’s body, sucking his cock into his mouth as he parts Alex’s legs. Alex lets out a low groan, but the pleasure is gone as quickly as it started as Matt pulls off to press his lips to the crease of Alex’s inner thigh. Alex’s breath hitches as Matt pushes his legs open wider and parts his cheeks with his thumbs, exposing him. Matt has never really touched him here before. There have been quick brushes of his fingers, but he’s never looked at him like this. Now Matt’s fingers are touching his most intimate area, rubbing little circles against the tight muscle. He presses a kiss there and Alex gasps, flushing red.  
“You good?” Matt asks, and his words tickle Alex’s inner thigh. He nods and clenches his fingers in the sheets when he hears the snap of the lube cap. He lifts his head to watch Matt rub some of the clear fluid between his fingers, and he sits up to meet Alex’s eye before bringing them back to his hole. He just rubs tight circles against it, not pressing in yet. Alex lets out a soft little moan, legs falling open wider as he feels the muscle start to relax.  
Matt adds more lube and slowly pushes the tip of his finger in. Alex gasps and keeps his eyes locked on Matt’s face. He pushes the finger in a little further and looks up at him questioningly. Alex nods and gives him an encouraging smile. Matt spends a long time preparing him, working him open on his fingers in such a way that Alex feels no pain. The intrusion feels a little weird at first, a strange pressure that doesn’t really feel good or bad, but soon it starts to feel pretty amazing. Alex lets out a needy little whine and then bites his lip, surprised at the sound. Matt spreads his three fingers open and it stings a little, but it’s nothing Alex can’t handle.  
“Ready?” Matt asks breathlessly, and Alex nods. Matt’s fingers slip from his body and that little whine escapes again. Alex watches as Matt rolls the condom onto his hard cock, and he swallows nervously. Matt lowers himself down on top of Alex and his arms immediately go around his boyfriend’s broad shoulders. Matt is trembling slightly and Alex presses a kiss to his lips.  
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Matt admits as he smoothes Alex’s hair back from his forehead. “But..."  
“It’s going to at first, I know,” Alex breathes, curling his fingers in Matt’s hair. “I’ll be okay.”  
“I love you.” Matt says those three words all the time. Not a day goes by that Alex doesn’t hear it, but he feels this one more than the others. It makes his heart clench.  
“Love you,” Alex replies, and Matt smashes their mouths together as he pushes in. Alex gasps into Matt’s mouth, fingers pulling at his hair as the sudden pain makes him arch up. Matt stills, immobile as stone. He doesn’t even try to deter Alex from yanking on his hair.  
Alex squeezes his eyes shut and blows out a harsh breath as he waits to adjust to the intrusion. It doesn’t feel good right now, all painful pressure, but he knows it will get better. He just lets Matt keep kissing him, questing brushes of his tongue and little nips of his teeth helping to distract him from the burn. Soon enough, it fades and Alex clenches experimentally. Matt jerks slightly and Alex takes pity on him, kissing the tip of his nose as he lifts his feet to wrap his legs around Matt’s hips.  
“I’m good,” Alex whispers, and Matt searches his eyes for any trace of a lie. Alex just smiles at him. A wide grin splits Matt’s face and he slowly pulls out, only to thrust in again. It still burns, but with each slow thrust the pain ebbs away until pleasure overpowers it, until he barely feels any pain at all.  
“Oh...oh, Matt,” Alex breathes, digging his fingertips into Matt’s skin as he rolls his hips to meet Matt’s thrusts. Their mouths meet again, because if they’re not kissing they’re staring at each other with wide-eyed awe, like neither of them expected how amazing it would feel.  
And it’s not even the physical aspect of it. There’s a hint of tears in Alex’s eyes because his heart is pounding so hard, beating for Matt like it serves no other purpose. He’s safe and cared for and loved. Matt is in him and around him and part of him, and being fused together like this without room for so much as air between them, it’s overwhelming. Alex can’t stop his mouth from moving. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying, all he knows is that he’s happy. He’s so in love it hurts to breathe and he doesn’t ever want it to stop. He wants to be with Matt forever, he wants to never let go. It’s amazing how something as natural and primal as sweat-damp skin against skin can invoke such intense emotions in him. He didn’t think his heart could hold anymore love, but Matt went and proved him wrong yet again. He can have whatever he wants, love as hard as he wants, and no one can ever stop him. Matt looks into his eyes and Alex can see exactly what he’s feeling reflected there. They’re on the exact same page and Alex cries out when Matt hits something inside of him that makes stars burst behind his eyes. Matt's hand wraps around his leaking dick and strokes once, just once, and that’s all it takes. Alex shouts out and arches up, back coming up off of the bed as his orgasm hits. It’s white-hot and intense, and he can’t seem to stop cumming. It streaks his chest and stomach and he digs his fingers into Matt’s shoulders so hard he leaves little crescent marks behind. Before he’s done shaking, before he even comes down, Matt bites down hard on his collarbone as he cums, and it’s like he starts the whole process over again. Matt cries out and digs his nails into Alex’s hips, and the sharp edge of pain brings him back to reality. Alex collapses against the bed just as Matt drops down on top of him. The lack of air is stifling but Alex never wants him to move. They’re quiet for a long time, just trying to regain their breath as their hips twitch slightly with delayed aftershocks. Finally Matt lifts his head and presses their mouths together, so soft and sweet that Alex’s pounding heart skips a beat or two.  
“I love you,” Alex pants, but the words don’t seem like enough. There are no words to describe what he feels for Matt, it’s impossible to express. Matt seems to understand this, because he swallows the words eagerly and kisses Alex in a language entirely their own.  
He speaks to Alex with the soft press of his lips and the gentle touch of his hands, repeating it over and over until Alex is gasping all over again. They whisper to each other for hours, and Alex laughs breathlessly in the pale moonlight.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end... And this takes place 2 ½ years later. Anyway, this story was fun to write again. I wrote this when I was in high school. And I just found this again. I hope you guys enjoyed the lives of Matt, Alex, Chance, Nate, Mazi, Nicki, and Ashton...this is the last chaptered fic that would be right for them...thanks for reading guys!

Matt wakes up with the sun in his eyes. He groans and scrunches his face up before rolling over to get away from the light. He meets the long expanse of Alex’s body, warm and naked under the covers. He’s sleeping on his back with his arms crossed under his head and his legs slightly spread. Matt runs his hand along Alex’s bare stomach and hisses slightly when his erection brushes Alex’s hip. A mischievous smirk pulls at his lips and he crawls on top of Alex’s body, leaning in to kiss his parted lips.   
“Mmm,” Alex sighs. He stretches out his arms and wraps them loosely around Matt’s muscled shoulders. “Someone’s up.”  
“Hi,” Matt says softly as he reaches down to slide his hands between Alex’s legs. He cups his thighs and parts them to make more room for his hips. Alex languidly brings his knees up and lets them fall open as Matt settles between his legs. He licks and sucks at Alex’s neck and he tilts his head back, moaning softly.   
“I don’t suppose I’m getting any more sleep,” Alex says quietly. He smirks when Matt shakes his head against his chest. “Didn’t think so.”   
“Want you,” Matt breathes as he reaches down to touch Alex’s entrance. It’s still a little wet and swollen from the night before and Matt slides a finger in without resistance. Alex shudders and digs his fingers into Matt’s shoulders. “Still open and ready for me. Can I have you?”   
“Mm, yeah.” Alex lifts Matt’s chin to kiss him as Matt slowly enters him. Alex moans brokenly into his mouth and Matt’s fingers dig into his sharp hipbones. “Feels good.”   
Just as Matt starts to pull out, there’s a loud pounding on the door. Alex freezes and clenches down painfully around Matt’s cock as his cheeks fill with blood.   
“Hey! Are you boys up?” Sherry calls out. “It’s almost lunchtime.”   
“Uh, five minutes!” Matt calls out. Alex narrows his eyes and pinches his hip painfully. “Ow, fifteen! Fifteen minutes at the very least!”   
They can hear her laughter as she walks down the hall, getting quieter until it disappears altogether. Matt looks sheepishly down at Alex and bites his bottom lip. Alex chuckles softly and kisses Matt delicately as he wraps his legs loosely around Mat’s waist. When Matt doesn’t move Alex just raises an eyebrow and slaps his hip again.  
“Did you wake me up for nothing?” he asks, and Matt laughs a little.  
“Mm, definitely not.” Matt buries himself deep inside Alex again. Alex groans, arching his back and pushing back against Matt. He cups Alex’s cheek and kisses him deeply as he thrusts into him, swallowing every sound he makes.   
He pulls away when Alex starts mumbling about how much he loves him, because, well, that he wants to hear.   
**********************************************************************************  
Alex is currently freezing his ass off in the city park while he walks Mash and Sofi with Matt and Sherry. He’s still not sure how he got roped into this group activity. Home is warm and toasty and has hot chocolate and Christmas specials on TV. The park has none of these things, just frigid air that gets progressively cooler as the sun sinks closer to the horizon. He zips his jacket up a little more and wraps Sofi’s leash once more around his wrist. She may be getting up in years but she still hasn’t given up her penchant for running off. Mash trots dutifully alongside Matt, pausing every so often to sniff at the winter air. The park is expansive, covered in open grassy fields and walking paths bordered with tall, neatly trimmed hedges. Alex is surprised at how green everything still is. The grass is lush and thick and nearly all the trees dotting the park are some sort of evergreen. He breathes in deep and smells wet dirt and pine mixed with the subtle, barely there scent of Matt’s cologne. Then again, Alex could probably pick up on that scent in the middle of a crowded room; he’s so attuned to it.   
“It was nice seeing Michael today,” Sherry says, breaking the comfortable silence that had shrouded most of their leisurely walk. “Louis is growing like a weed.”   
“Right?” Alex replies, getting the same goofy smile he always does when he thinks of his nephew. “Yeah, it was nice to get the whole family together.”   
Michael lives in San Francisco, across town from Matt and Alex’s school. But they rarely make the drive into the suburbs, so Sherry doesn’t get to see them that often. They’re in town for Christmas and he even managed to snag Amanda so they could all have lunch together. He and Matt are thriving in San Francisco. They share a crappy studio apartment over a coffee shop near campus and pay the bills by working random jobs. Alex pretty much sticks to waiting at high-end restaurants, but of course Matt is a little more eclectic. He’s been a barista, worked at a daycare center, been a janitor at an art museum, dabbled in the fine art of dog grooming, and even spent one random and baffling month hawking souvenirs on Alcatraz Island. He’s finally found his calling. He now works at the same place he’s been volunteering since his freshman year, the gay and lesbian youth center. It doesn’t pay an insane amount, but that doesn’t matter to Matt. Alex volunteers there in his free time, and they’ve been angling to get him a paid spot as well. He’s seriously considering it. He thinks maybe he could help other kids that were just like him, tell his story.   
“So where’s Jalen on this fine evening?” Matt’s voice distracts Alex from his thoughts.   
“Visiting his parents in Berkeley,” Sherry replies. “Which is good. I get my boys all to myself tonight.”   
“So, it’s been almost two years that you’ve been with this guy,” Matt tells her, pulling at Mash’s leash when he stops to sniff at a most interesting spot of grass. “When’s he gonna make an honest woman out of you?”   
Sherry blushes. She actually blushes. It’s amazing. Alex chuckles and bites his lip in amusement. It was sort of weird when Sherry started dating again. Matt didn’t handle it as well as he thought he would. He was almost always standoffish and disparaging of every guy Sherry met, but then Jalen came along. He and Matt just clicked instantly, much to everyone’s relief.   
“I don’t know,” Sherry mumbles as she shoves her hands in the pockets of her coat. “We’re living together. That’s enough for now.”   
“Living in sin,” Alex adds, wiggling his fingers in Sherry’s face for dramatic effect. She rolls her eyes and bumps into Alex with her shoulder. He stumbles, Matt laughs, and Sofi barks.   
“Live by example, Mom,” Matt says, snagging Alex by the waist with his free arm and pulling him in close. “I made an honest woman out of Alex, shit, over a year ago now.”   
Alex flicks the end of Matt’s nose. Hard. Matt laughs and takes Alex’s hand to thread their fingers together. Alex admires the plain silver band on Matt’s ring finger; an exact replica of the one he is wearing. They aren’t actually married. Not on paper, anyway. They traded their rings while crammed into a bathtub in a hotel room in Lake Tahoe on their second anniversary. That’s all they need for now. Matt and Alex hold hands as they walk the dogs and Sherry trails behind them. Alex gets distracted by the feeling of Matt’s thumb moving back and forth across the back of his hand and doesn’t hold Sofi’s leash tight enough when she spots a squirrel or a leaf or shit, air and takes off running. She yanks the leash out of Alex’s hand and turns a corner, disappearing behind the tall hedge. Alex shakes his hand free of Matt’s and runs after her.   
“Sofi girl!” His shoes skid on the damp pavement as he turns the corner. He sees her sniffing at a pair of jogging shoes, and he doesn’t look up at the person wearing them until he has her leash in hand. “Sorry, she’s just really..."   
Alex cuts himself off, freezing when he looks up to see his mother staring back at him. She’s wearing a frumpy tracksuit and her hair is pulled back into the messiest bun Alex has ever seen her wear. Diana looks just as surprised to see him standing there as he is to see her. Alex has managed to go more than two years without laying eyes on his mother or father. He and Matt only live an hour away so it’s not like he’s never in town, they just don’t exactly run in the same circles. Alex swallows hard, frozen in place as his heart leaps up into his throat. For a moment he’s seventeen again, cowering and afraid. A whirlwind of questions race through his mind. Does she miss him? Does she regret it? Does she know that she wasn’t invited to her only grandson’s second birthday party because Louis’s gay uncles are his favorite people in the world? When did she take up jogging? When did she get so old?Alex lets out a shuddering breath as they continue a hideously awkward staring contest. Somewhere on the periphery of his awareness he can hear Matt calling for him. His voice cuts off mid-syllable. Matt is a strong, silent presence at his side in under a moment. He takes Sofi’s leash and doesn’t say anything, doesn’t touch Alex, he’s just there. He’s there, just like he always is. Always has been. Alex lifts his chin a little but he’s still frozen to the pavement. His mother swallows hard and her thin lips twist into a grimace before parting, mouth opening like she wants to speak.   
“Alex.” She says it like she’s greeting the mailman, cordial and unfamiliar. Alex’s lips curl up in a wry grin and he shakes his head infinitesimally. He doesn’t know what to say. He’d scream at her but she isn’t worth the breath in his lungs.   
His hand closes into a fist at his side and Matt’s fingers curl around his wrist, thumb slipping under his rubber bracelet. It’s not the same as the first one Matt gave him, that one broke long ago. Alex had worn it until it was cracked and brittle and it fell off of his wrist. He barely had time to mourn before Matt was slipping a new one on. Alex finds comfort in the simple touch and he opens his hand to let Matt thread their fingers together. His mother’s eyes scan over their joined hands and her eyes widen slightly when she sees the ring on Alex’s finger. She looks over to see the matching one on Matt’s hand and looks wounded, eyes going wet and anguished. They’re both deer stuck in a headlight, unable to tear their eyes away from one another. But then Matt squeezes Alex’s hand slightly and Alex turns his head to look at him. Nearly three years and his beauty surprises Alex over and over again. Alex looks at his mother one last time, at the thin line of her lips and her dull, watery eyes. His shoes scrape against the sidewalk as he walks past her with Matt’s hand in his as if there was no interruption at all. As soon as his mother rounds the corner and they are out of sight Matt stops, slipping one hand through the ends of both dog leashes and pulling Alex into a hug. Alex rests his chin on Matt’s shoulder and takes a deep breath as the dogs nudge his thigh. He blinks when he hears the quiet, muffled sound of his mother’s voice just around the corner.   
“Thank you,” she says thickly. “For taking care of him.”   
“You don’t have to thank me,” Sherry replies. Alex lets out a tiny gasp and Matt holds him tighter. “He’s an amazing person, Diana. I just wish you would have given him a chance to show you that.”  
There’s a brief moment of silence and then the soft sound of sneakers against wet pavement as Sherry turns the corner. Alex looks at her with wide, wet eyes shining with gratitude and adoration. Matt pulls back from the hug and kisses Alex’s forehead, threading their fingers together again as he holds both dog leashes in the other. Sherry puts an arm around Alex’s shoulders and pulls him in close to kiss his temple.   
“You good, Sweetie?” She asks softly. Alex gives her a watery smile as he nods. “Awesome. Now, I was thinking. We can stop by the grocery store later to get the stuff to make that pie you like.”   
“The apple one with the crumblies on top?” Alex asks shakily. Sherry chuckles as she nods and kisses Alex’s temple again before letting go.   
Sofi lets out a sharp bark, killing the moment and making Alex chuckle. Sherry pulls a chewed up old rope toy from the pocket of her jacket and waves it in the air. Both dogs go insane, wiggling their butts and barking loudly. Matt lets go of Alex’s hand and unhooks their leashes. Sherry throws the rope as hard as she can towards the center of the field and the dogs tear after it, quick and muscular, like puppies rather than tired old hounds. Matt gives Alex a quick grin before running off after them.   
“I don’t think he’s ever really going to grow up,” Sherry says exasperatedly, and Alex snorts. “Oh well. Adulthood is overrated anyway.”   
Matt engages in an epic game of tug-o-war with Sofi, both of them playfully growling at each other. Matt finally rips the rope from her mouth and thrusts it up in the air, doing a little victory dance in the middle of the grassy field.   
“I am the champ...oh shit.” Mash lets out an enormous bark before jumping at Matt, hitting his chest and taking him to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Sherry and Alex both hiss and let out little relieved sighs when Matt just laughs and rolls around in the grass with his dogs.   
Sherry heads out to join them, dropping to her knees and laughing as Sofi licks her face. Alex watches them with such open fondness it’s a wonder his heart doesn’t burst out of his chest. It took Alex awhile, but he’s finally realized that you can’t choose the family you’re born into. They may be your blood but that’s no guarantee that they’ll be with you forever. You can choose the family you’re a part of. The people that are there for you, the ones that love you unconditionally and live to make you smile, those are the good ones, the ones to surround yourself with. Matt calls out Alex’s name and then howls, causing both dogs to join in. Alex rolls his eyes and heads out towards the pile of Johnsons with a spring in his step. Matt surges up and grabs his hands to pull him down to the ground. He laughs as he lands on top of Matt and grins when Matt kisses the tip of his nose. Mash puts his paws in the center of Alex’s back, making him groan out loud into Matt’s mouth. Sherry laughs so loud it nearly echoes through the trees. This is Alex’s family. This is where he belongs.


End file.
